on’t let your friends get hurt jumping off the Chiefs’ bandwagon. Long season. Stay calm. Don’t panic.
I will tell you who is in mid-season form. The fans. I saw a tweet that showed a group of Chiefs fans get in a brawl at last Sunday’s game. It was violent. I doubt that very many people who fight at a Chiefs’ game read my columns, but if you get a chance, tell these dudes to quit this. Make sure a cop is close by and be sure you are socially distanced when you do though, cause those dudes could throw some haymakers.
Speaking of things that don’t matter, I saw an acquaintance of mine on Facebook who had John Mellencamp booked as a private act for an automobile dealership convention in Vegas. If you have not seen John lately, he looks exactly as expected. I first thought the mechanic from the shop was singing to these guys and then realized it was Mellencamp. Decked out in lightweight coverall type mechanics getup (a Romper of sorts), I would trust him changing my transmission or singing Jack and Diane, take your pick.
How exactly do you “suck down a chili dog?”
Speaking of those lightweight coveralls, it has long been my goal to make those things my daily routine outfit. I’ve long desired to make this a staple of my life. I just Googled them, and you can get multiple colors, but I prefer the khaki. These are one-piece, short sleeve get ups that have a bit of elastic around the waist and look like they would be best worn commando style for maximum comfort; I cannot confirm that, to date.
Anyway, I long for the day that I don’t care this much and can daily slip into these bad boys and live the good life. A pharmacist in my hometown took to wearing these to high school football games in the late 70s and early 80s and I’ve been jealous ever since. I’m thinking within a few years I’ll be comfortable enough to take the leap and then it will be 24/7 – 365 days a year.
Honestly, these are good for going out drinking some beers with the boys, eating a little too much dinner or simply lounging around the house. Heck, they’d be perfect for mowing the yard and then drinking a beer or 12, never having the need to change. I’ve been to weddings that these would be on the formal side of things if you throw some penny loafers with it and my wife quit worrying about what I wear years ago.
I’ve not talked to Foley yet, but I’m going to see if I can organize the other columnists and see if we can unionize and make these uniforms part of our collective bargaining agreement with The Landmark. What other newspaper in the state of Missouri would have a short sleeve coverall clad, unionized column writers group? We could wear them in parades and give presentations at the courthouse and at schools or the bar. They’re like $25 for one “romper” and I think each of us could get by with two apiece, so that’s like $150 out of Foley’s vault, he’s got that in the ashtray of his truck. Somebody break the news to Kamler and Carl, I’m not sure how to start that conversation.
Anyway, be on the lookout for the new uniform of choice or a picket line outside The Landmark. Either way, it will be entertaining.
(Guy Speckman can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or proudly wearing Landmark Rompers)