We are into week three of the World Cup. Nearly halfway through.
From all accounts, Kansas City has done a spectacular job hosting the world. Argentina has been staying next door to my apartment complex, and their fans are so fun to watch. They make Chiefs Kingdom look like a kindergarten class.
So far, we’ve avoided any spectacular issues at any of the host sites, and the soccer has been incredible to watch.
But you are really missing out if you haven’t been watching foreigners coming to the US and trying United States things. Things that we take for granted. Like going to Target, or Costco, or Bass Pro Shops. The videos of awe-struck shoppers looking at the giant displays and the huge bottles of mayonnaise. It’s a whole side of Insta-Tok that you really need to seek out.
My favorites are based around the less, uh, suburban locations that people have visited. I’m talking about Waffle House and Buc-ees.
Seeing a French family walk through a Buc-ees and every random thing they have to offer is a real treat. Watching a German eat a “10/10” meal at a Waffle House 25 minutes after they get off a plane to America is enough to convince you that the American experiment is actually thriving.
It does give you a bit of perspective on our own relationship to the things we take so much for granted. I don’t think a single thing about walking into Price Chopper. But when your supermarket is a cart in the street, it looks like the Taj Mahal. Heading into Q39 or Bryant’s and tasting burnt ends for the first time. That’s the kind of first time you will never forget.
The thing is, we’ve become numb to our own excess. We walk past 47 varieties of peanut butter like it’s nothing. Meanwhile, there’s a Portuguese gentleman standing in aisle seven having a spiritual awakening because he just discovered Oreos with DOUBLE STUFFing. His wife is filming him holding the package like he’s just found the Holy Grail.
And don’t even get me started on the beverage aisles. I watched a video of some Italian tourists discovering that we have an entire refrigerated section dedicated solely to different flavors of Mountain Dew. They spent 20 minutes debating whether “Code Red” or “Baja Blast” sounded more like a medical emergency. (For the record, they went with Code Red, which they assumed was named after American hospital protocols.)
Finally, I saw a Swedish woman agog at a QuikTrip looking at the eight types of creamer you could put in your coffee raising her hands to the heavens to praise the maker for creating a place of such excess.
And that’s the lesson within the comedy. We DO take all of this for granted. We DO have too many types of creamer and Buc-ee’s is about four times the size it needs to be. Waffle House is normally a diner reserved for 2 a.m. tweakers and truckers who had nowhere better to be.
This is how the world sees America. Frankly, this is how we WANT the world to see us. Bigger is better here in the United States. Bigger is the new normal. But take a look around when these travelers leave. Don’t take for granted the five gallon jug of pickles you can get at Sam’s Club.
Realize that nobody else has baby back ribs like Chili’s does. And celebrate the country’s 250th with a 24-pack of hot dogs and enough fireworks to light up a small country.
(Get more from Chris Kamler at chriskamler.com)
