• About Us
  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Pickem Terms and Conditions
Tuesday, July 8, 2025
The Platte County Landmark Newspaper
  • Home
  • Local News
  • Opinion
  • Landmark Pickem!
    • Weekly Pickem Updates
    • Results by Week
    • The Leaderboard
    • Pickem Rules and Help
  • Landmark Live!
  • Looking Backward
  • es_MXSpanish
  • Home
  • Local News
  • Opinion
  • Landmark Pickem!
    • Weekly Pickem Updates
    • Results by Week
    • The Leaderboard
    • Pickem Rules and Help
  • Landmark Live!
  • Looking Backward
  • es_MXSpanish
No Result
View All Result
The Platte County Landmark Newspaper
No Result
View All Result

Red balloons

Chris Kamler by Chris Kamler
February 24, 2023
in The Rambling Moron
Red balloons
6
SHARES
148
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare via Email

What’s the difference between the U.S. Space Force and the Philadelphia Eagles defensive secondary? (Answer at the end of the column.)

It’s been a big week for balloons. With the Super Bowl just finishing last weekend, many of those wilted mylar #1 fingers have found their way to the trash can. But that’s not the only balloons that have been in the news, certainly. Unidentified flying objects and one identified floating object has been found drifting across North American airspace. The identified one was a Chinese “spy” balloon operating at around 40,000 feet which could’ve impacted commercial aircraft as well as caught Uncle Leo’s bald spot if the sun struck it just right.

RelatedNews

More perfect

Never enough

Nicknames

That balloon with the payload of reportedly three buses caused quite the stir and was allowed to drift over Alaska, Canada, the Midwest including sightings here in Kansas City until it was finally downed off of the East coast. I hope it brought enough film. And a bathing suit.

The whole issue has caused a bit of an embarrassment for the US Armed Forces who are, among other things, supposed to keep spies from buying a drone at Best Buy and then flying it over Whiteman Air Force Base. But that’s essentially what they did. The largest war machine in the history of mankind, and you’re left with your pants down because of something you can pick up at Party City.

The Air Force then “re-tuned” their sensors and satellites to detect balloons traveling in the 20,000-50,000 feet range and whaddya know – they found a bunch. They even shot down three of them even though those were likely weather balloons. Oh. We forgot to talk about weather balloons. You know, the things that Ol’ Gary Lezak tunes his double doppler to every day? Nearly 200 are launched EVERY DAY in the United States. Over 1,000 across the globe. We launch them and just watch to see where they go. Well, rest in peace to three of them because we blew the hell out of ’em.

I’m not totally sold that we are now safer this week than we were last week. Still seems like Iron Man could fly around at will around the Statue of Liberty and it would be up to someone with a fancy camera to notice it. Still, the Pentagon will tell you that all is well and we’ve squashed the balloons just like a whoopie cushion at a bachelor party.

The most I’ve ever worried about balloons this much was when I inhaled about 25 balloons and sounded like a munchkin for an hour.

For now, keep your eyes on the sky. You never know when the Chinese Air Force my be dropping in.

Oh, and the answer to the question “what’s the difference between the U.S. Space Force and the Philadelphia Eagles defensive secondary?” Neither can protect the air from Patrick Mahomes.

(Get more from Chris Kamler on Twitter, where he pontificates as @TheFakeNed)

Tags: chris kamler
Chris Kamler

Chris Kamler

Chris Kamler is a cybersecurity architect by day, and pain in the ass by night.

He is a twice-published author, and has over 500 columns with The Landmark under his belt. Chris is a lifelong Northlander with a son and dog.

You can reach him on most of the social networks as Chris Kamler or TheFakeNed.

Related Posts

Fourth of July

More perfect

by Chris Kamler
July 2, 2025
0

It will likely come as no surprise to those who read this space frequently that I am a bit of an eclectic person. This translates directly to my clothing. For games that I might broadcast or announce, I'll likely have...

July 4th Celebration in Platte City

Hot dogs, postage hikes, character references

by Ivan Foley
June 27, 2025
0

I had never heard the term Irish golf until I looked at the proposed plans for Creekside Irish Golf at Parkville. I thought it might be played by leprechauns under a rainbow. Googled Irish Golf and still didn’t get what...

health officer badge

Never enough

by Chris Kamler
June 20, 2025
0

Health is a fickle mistress who charges by the hour and still judges your life choices. I learned this the hard way last week when my new chiropractor—a woman whose job is to yank my spine and make it pop...

Nicknames

Nicknames

by Chris Kamler
June 12, 2025
0

Nicknames have been a part of sports and growing up ever since Abe “Top Hat” Lincoln cut down his first cherry tree, and gave it to Willie “Lyin’” Custer to turn into toothpicks. There aren’t many rules about nicknames except...

Next Post
Mariachi Mexican Restaurant

New at Creekside

Popular News

  • Police

    Driver, 18, killed in Hwy. 45 crash

    46 shares
    Share 18 Tweet 12
  • Fireworks show in Platte City

    16 shares
    Share 6 Tweet 4
  • Free food, drink ready for July 4th celebration

    23 shares
    Share 9 Tweet 6
  • Nine-hole golf course planned at Creekside

    78 shares
    Share 31 Tweet 20
  • Fireworks, fireworks shows, foul tasting water

    6 shares
    Share 2 Tweet 2
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Pickem Terms and Conditions
Call us at 816-858-0363

Copyright © 2019-2020 The Platte County Landmark Newspaper - All Rights Reserved

No Result
View All Result
  • Subscribe Online
  • Home
  • Local News
  • Opinion
  • Landmark Pickem
    • Results by Week
    • The Leaderboard
    • Pickem Rules and Help
  • Landmark Live!
  • Looking Backward
  • es_MXSpanish

Copyright © 2019-2020 The Platte County Landmark Newspaper - All Rights Reserved