What’s the difference between the U.S. Space Force and the Philadelphia Eagles defensive secondary? (Answer at the end of the column.)
It’s been a big week for balloons. With the Super Bowl just finishing last weekend, many of those wilted mylar #1 fingers have found their way to the trash can. But that’s not the only balloons that have been in the news, certainly. Unidentified flying objects and one identified floating object has been found drifting across North American airspace. The identified one was a Chinese “spy” balloon operating at around 40,000 feet which could’ve impacted commercial aircraft as well as caught Uncle Leo’s bald spot if the sun struck it just right.
That balloon with the payload of reportedly three buses caused quite the stir and was allowed to drift over Alaska, Canada, the Midwest including sightings here in Kansas City until it was finally downed off of the East coast. I hope it brought enough film. And a bathing suit.
The whole issue has caused a bit of an embarrassment for the US Armed Forces who are, among other things, supposed to keep spies from buying a drone at Best Buy and then flying it over Whiteman Air Force Base. But that’s essentially what they did. The largest war machine in the history of mankind, and you’re left with your pants down because of something you can pick up at Party City.
The Air Force then “re-tuned” their sensors and satellites to detect balloons traveling in the 20,000-50,000 feet range and whaddya know – they found a bunch. They even shot down three of them even though those were likely weather balloons. Oh. We forgot to talk about weather balloons. You know, the things that Ol’ Gary Lezak tunes his double doppler to every day? Nearly 200 are launched EVERY DAY in the United States. Over 1,000 across the globe. We launch them and just watch to see where they go. Well, rest in peace to three of them because we blew the hell out of ’em.
I’m not totally sold that we are now safer this week than we were last week. Still seems like Iron Man could fly around at will around the Statue of Liberty and it would be up to someone with a fancy camera to notice it. Still, the Pentagon will tell you that all is well and we’ve squashed the balloons just like a whoopie cushion at a bachelor party.
The most I’ve ever worried about balloons this much was when I inhaled about 25 balloons and sounded like a munchkin for an hour.
For now, keep your eyes on the sky. You never know when the Chinese Air Force my be dropping in.
Oh, and the answer to the question “what’s the difference between the U.S. Space Force and the Philadelphia Eagles defensive secondary?” Neither can protect the air from Patrick Mahomes.
(Get more from Chris Kamler on Twitter, where he pontificates as @TheFakeNed)
