Thirteen seconds isn’t a lot of time. But it’s more than you think.
Thirteen seconds is the exact amount of time it takes for you to hit SEND on a tweet or an email and then realize that there is a misspelling in it.
Thirteen seconds is the amount of time it took my old computer to dial into AOL back in the day. Now it’s the amount of time it takes to download the latest episode of Hawkeye.
You can’t set a couple of records in 13 seconds. The world’s fastest man ran the 100 meters in just over nine seconds. And a person solved a Rubik’s cube in just over five. But it’s likely you or I couldn’t do either in less than 13 seconds. (Or days.)
Thirteen seconds is the amount of time it takes you to get into your car, start it, and then realize that your backup camera is coated with road grime leaving you to squint through your dirty back window while you attempt to leave your driveway in the morning.
Thirteen seconds is the amount of time it takes you to open the garage door when it’s snowing and decide whether you’re going to actually shovel the driveway this time, or it’s too cold.
Thirteen seconds was the name of a B horror movie in 2006 starring famed actors such as Ren Smith, Danny Petrelli and Robert Miller. It was about a rock band who set up in an abandoned school. Unfortunately, that school was haunted and they all died. Thirteen seconds is also the likely time you consider watching this movie on Netflix before you skip past it.
Thirteen seconds is a long time for a butterfly and not very long for someone with minutes to live.
Thirteen seconds is enough for a sip of coffee, a nod and a wave to a friend, and the realization that you’ve lost your car keys.
It is the exact time it takes to fill a water balloon with water, think of a lie, and break up with your boyfriend in an empty parking lot behind the Metro North. (Allegedly.)
Thirteen seconds is the exact amount of time it takes to send your team to the AFC Championship game.
Sure, that was a four hour ballgame, and sure, there was a lot to love and hate in those four hours. But 13 seconds has become the new barometer for how quickly someone can send your team down the field to score. It took 14 seconds for Dak Prescott’s Dallas Cowboys to do one play, let alone three and kick a field goal. You get nearly three times that much time to even do a huddle in the NFL.
The average time it takes Salvador Perez to jog four bases after hitting a home run is 26.6 seconds. More than twice the amount of time Mahomes had. Now, in fairness to Salvy, that’s also 20 yards longer than a football field. But still. You get the idea.
What you saw Sunday was special. It was heart-wrenching and terrifying and stressful and more than a little profanity-worthy. But make no mistake. It was special. Shouldn’t even take 13 seconds to realize that.
(We don’t like to brag about it but you can get more from our rambling moron Chris Kamler on Twitter, where he is known far and wide as the infamous @TheFakeNed)
