Last “daughter getting married” column. She jumps in the proverbial pool of matrimonial bliss this weekend. As you might expect, I’m a pretty practical parent and Foley prints this thing for me for free. Here’s my life advice for my daughter Danielle and her fiancé Kurt. Feel free to choose a couple of my tips on life.
1-Don’t buy anything generic.
2-Try to laugh more than you cry.
3-Have the kids, get the pet, buy the house, take the job. It will all work out.
4-Drunk arguments are not to be restarted as sober arguments. Drunk you is an idiot and has no business getting involved in your sober thoughts.
5-There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved with a good legal pad, good pen, and a written plan. When all else fails, make a plan.
6-Might think about your health a little sooner than your parents did. It’s the only currency that matters in the end.
7-Love and affection only go so far. That’s available in most marriages. Empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, and make the bed, even when it’s not your turn is true married passion.
8-Don’t paint catchy phrases on your walls, like “Better Together,” “All because two people fell in love,” etc. Nobody is motivated by that after a long day at work on a Tuesday. Buy a bigger TV to cover the wall, it’ll mean more to you.
Linda Ronstadt turned 80 last week.
Speaking of old, the next new business franchise headed your way are “Longevity Clinics,” which are the competition for nursing homes, I suppose.
Anyway, franchises are popping up across the country. Apparently, they can make you live longer by paying them a monthly fee for hyperbaric oxygen therapy, dry cold plunge, cryotherapy, dry sauna, light therapy, molecular hydrogen therapy, hypoxic training, and vibration lymphatic drainage.
I’m not sure if they offer any guarantee or “money back” offers if you don’t live longer, but I suppose you can check it out. Probably in the fine print, read everything you sign.
Wouldn’t vibration lymphatic drainage be akin to just “blowing your nose”? I’m sure I don’t understand longevity treatments.
It appears that “flatten the curve” and “trust the science” are not sayings that are going to survive the test of time. Based on Dr. Fauci’s recent diary dump, these sayings, while catchy, meant extraordinarily little in terms of facts and such. RIP to both sayings.
Not sure the fate of these, but they should probably be retired as well: “new normal,” “an abundance of caution”, “covidiot.” Sad day to see these phrases and words have to be put to pasture, but probably best at this point.
Linda Ronstandt had “romantic relations” with former California Governor Jerry Brown, movie director Goerge Lucas, actors Jim Carrey and Albert Brooks and musicians JD Souther and John Boylan.
No judgment here, but I suspect she’s a tired 80-year-old, and no, I have never heard of Souther or Boylan, they just sneaked their way into her affection, I suppose.
(Guy Speckman can be reached providing newlywed advice in Nebraska this week)
