It seems important that I should update you on my obese eyes. As I told you about in a prior column, an eye doctor pointed out that my eyes are fat. Apparently, they’re fat and this causes “hooded” brows, where the brows hang down in front of your eyeball. It’s kind of like an eyeball “fupa.”
I tell you all of this because I’ve decided to just live with fat eyes. The doctor offered a surgery that would remove some of the fat and excess skin. Old “sawbones” even said insurance would pay for it, but it sounded very “elective” surgery to me, and I have a life rule that I am not willing to break. No “elective” surgery, if at all possible, to continue on without.
Going forward, I will simply have fat eyes. If you see me, please be kind.
I’m a firm no on hips, knees, shoulders, and every elective surgery like that. I figure a decent limp looks good for an old man anyway. Makes you look more “weathered,” at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
I don’t have many life rules, but another good one is to never, ever buy generic or off-brand beer, cat litter, or potato chips.
This cannot be debated.
Foley has pointed out that the Chiefs and Royals relocation process is really getting drawn out to the point of boring us into the “just decide, already” status but I’m a bet the mortgage on my picks from a few months ago.
Kansas City, Kan. is the obvious choice for the Chiefs. It does not take a rocket scientist or commercial real estate expert to understand that a new domed stadium near Interstate 435 and Interstate 70 would be destination location for travelers year-round, within an area of shopping, dining, entertainment, and easy access for a multi-state region. I’d be shocked if the Chiefs decided to continue to anchor the Truman Sports Complex area that is surrounded by urban decay.
I still think the Royals are headed to North Kansas City. They get to check off the Riverfront location and they’re close enough to downtown Kansas City to argue with the Streetcar bros that think downtown baseball is the only way to go.
But to be honest, I’m just ready for them to decide. Every year I get older is a lesser chance that I’ll care where either team plays.
If my eyes keep gaining weight, I won’t be able to see the games in the new stadiums anyway.
In random news, a book is being released this week that will stir the memory of high school and college sports fans. The story of Myron Piggie is being released. Piggie was ahead of his time in the sports world. The former crack dealer became the biggest player in local basketball by paying players and their families long before it was allowed. His most famous team members were Kareem and JaRon Rush.
He ruled Kansas City area AAU basketball from 1995-99 and made $677,760 (per the indictment) for his efforts and the trail of money lead precipitously close to the esteemed universities that we all cheered for in the name of “amateur athletics” from those days.
I’m looking forward to reading the behind-the-scenes scuttle on this time in sports. The irony is the schools were cited as the “victims” in his crimes and the first sponsor of his “amateur” team was Children’s Mercy Hospital. You can’t make this stuff up.
(Guy Speckman can be reached doing brow workouts at the local gym)
