My wife has declared some type of war on birds around our house without telling me of this declaration. I walked onto our rear patio area last week and she had constructed this table on a table contraption with a fake owl sitting at the top of her creation. She seems very serious about these birds. She has taken to yelling at them and swinging a broom from time to time and I’m nothing but scared.
I’m not sure if she has the constitutional or conservation commission authority to take these actions, but I’m staying out of her way. I can tell this is no place for my input; the birds are on their own.
I suppose if she kills some protected bird species, I would probably bail her out of jail. Otherwise, who would make dinner?
That’s a joke, calm down Gloria Steinem.
I’ve reached the age that I am considering doing a Google search for what kind of birds I see each day. I suspect it is downhill from here. Probably be raising purple finches in the backyard by fall.
My 30-year-old daughter got engaged this weekend. We had an engagement gathering at my wife and I’s house and I ended it at around 10 p.m., quietly asking the young people to move along.
My daughter was moving the next day, and I showed up to her house to “help” at 9 a.m.. Unbeknownst to me, the party had moved from my house to Power and Light until 4 a.m. and then to her townhome.
For the record, my house is not close to Power and Light. The entire moving crew of young people had been out till 4 a.m. and the move was going exactly as you might expect, and the townhouse smelled like a bar room floor.
I casually exited the house and flashbacked to the scowl on my mother’s face a few of the times she was presented with a similar viewing of her adult son. Life is a flat circle, folks.
My only advice I could give to the moving crew was that they needed McDonald’s hash browns ASAP. That is really the only solution at that point, and I was pretty proud to have some father-like advice to offer.
Don’t ask me how I know what a bar room floor smells like.
Anyway, my daughter’s getting married and I’m praying for a wedding that will be remembered for its fiscal conservatism. The problem is that I don’t think I get a vote in this matter. It appears to me that the lady that is trying to kill the birds and the other one staying out till 4 a.m. are the ones that make the call on what this wedding will be remembered for and I doubt either of them are near as worried about my fiscal conservative faith during this process.
Pray for me and my money.
My wife and I got married at our hometown church (that my wife scarcely attended) and had a reception at the fire station. Our folks cooked on a big grill or something and my friends all drank some nasty keg beer until my stepdad told them to go home. Are those still options? Does the beer taste better at a fancy venue? I’ll keep you up to date as this progresses. Might pass the hat, so save your dollar bills.
(Guy Speckman can be reached preaching fiscal conservatism to soon to be newlyweds)
