Hope springs eternal for our boys in blue this year. Although the start to the season has been, let’s say, less than inspiring. An 11-run breakout on Easter Sunday has brought the Royals out of the tomb and once again has Kansas City intrigued if they can make a pennant run this year.
Despite the play on the field, we might be seeing more of the Royals this season and it has nothing to do with singles or home runs. Over the past couple of years, the uniforms the Royals wear have gone through some changes. Nike took over the uniform contract in 2020 for $1 billion for 10 years. Immediately, they put their famous swoosh logo onto the fronts of all jerseys. But that was the only real change we saw. Until now.
The actual manufacturing of the uniforms was switched this year to a company called Fanatics. Any follower of sports in this country–especially those who buy jerseys and memorabilia–can tell you that Fanatics is the “Dollar Store” version of a real company. Their quality is questionable and their fabrics are generally thinner than other fabrics. That’s fine if you’re shopping for a replica jersey. It’s not fine if you are a major league ballplayer.
The paper-thin quality of the jerseys has been noticeable along with the shrinking of the names on the backs of jerseys. The road grays that teams have been wearing have not held up to sweat and nearly change color when the player perspires. The whole kit looks cheap. But that’s not the half of it. The other half is… below the belt.
Almost immediately, players and fans noticed something about the pants…especially the white ones. You can basically see through them with the proper lighting. And when I say “see through them” I mean SEE THROUGH THEM. Undergarments or not, we are seeing more of our favorite players than even they intended, thanks to these cheaply made uniforms.
The whole episode has caused union complaints and fan inquiries. Photos of some players in, erhm, awkward poses, are being passed around the Internet like pinups of Cindy Crawford or Burt Reynolds. It’s a little embarrassing, frankly.
This talk of uniforms, of course, is nothing compared to what women’s volleyball or soccer players endure, but the discussion is certainly a hefty part of the opening week of the season.
The ground balls that players are supposed to be fielding are now peeking through their shorts. The dongs that we hope Bobby Witt Jr. hits many of this year also seem to be the topic of discussion amongst young and old when it comes to trousers as well.
Having attended Opening Day last week, I can tell you that I personally did not witness any wardrobe malfunctions. However, my girlfriend seemed to also be watching keenly for these issues as well. She has promised to monitor the situation closely this season.
So cheer up, Royals fans! Maybe we won’t win a ton of games on the field this season, but you can bet once the balls start to fly out at The K, attendance is going to be up! So grab a hot wiener, listen for the organ, and dig out your binoculars, fans! It’s time to batter up!
(Baseball wiener talk and more from Chris Kamler on X, where he is @TheFakeNed)
