I have asked the authorities to bring hate speech charges against my wife. Just days after our romantic 35th anniversary trip to the Missouri Penitentiary, she was filling out some passport renewals for us. It was a nice quiet evening. She looks up from filling out the forms and says, “What would you like for me to check for your hair color?” You could feel the air sucked out of the room. She continued, “you can choose, brown, or grayyyyy…..”, she said with an emphasis and long draw on the latter.
I immediately called federal officials and asked that she be charged with hate speech. Civilized people cannot and should not tolerate this type of bigotry.
We only renew our passports so that we can pretend that we might take a trip beyond the United States border. We rarely get out of Missouri these days.
Platte County Fair is fast approaching. Get your derby cars ready. I think Foley is entering this year. He and the wife practiced in Kingdom City earlier this year and we think he’s ready for prime time. We are trying to find him a 68 Chrysler Imperial to enter. We think that might give him the best chance. He’s gotten pretty liberal on us in the last few years, and I suspect he wanted to drive a Prius or Nissan Leaf, but that’s not happening. We’re putting him in a muscle car or no car.
I just went and read the rules for the Platte County demolition derby. My Lord, we need a lawyer-mechanic to navigate Foley’s entry. Those rules are not for newbies with only a Kingdom City fender bender on their resume. You can’t just pull the old family truckster in there and think you’re taking home some cash.
If you know any good lawyers that are also good mechanics, have them call Foley, ASAP.
Insert your own “good lawyer” joke, I get it.
You guys have any idea when the next insurrection is? I’d like to mark my calendar. These two current front runners for our next president should probably not be allowed to drive, let alone run a country.
The Royals pushed out their weekly ad for this week on Monday and they advertised Shohei Ohtani and the Los Angeles Angels coming to town, Pride Night, and a Father’s Day ticket sale. I honestly could not find anything on the entire email about an actual baseball player on the Royals’ team. This is going from bad to worse folks. Patrick Mahomes was on the front page of the web page for much of the week, if that tells you how things are going.
Speaking of Pat, he listed his Plaza area home for sale and it was under contract within a few days, spent a day at the White House, played some charity softball in Kansas City, Missouri and Kansas City, Kansas and shot gunned a beer on stage with Luke Combs. This guy is the most incredible ambassador for the city that I have ever seen. Mature beyond his years, can fit in with the White House liberal crowd and then throw some boots on and a hat and chug Coors Light with a country music star. Let me remind you that you will never, ever see a star like this again. He is the Mount Rushmore of Kansas City sports and he’s young enough that he will likely be the Mount Everest of Kansas City sports for all our lifetimes, never to be conquered in terms of Superstar level.
My only wish is that they still had The Superstars on ABC Sports on Saturdays. Remember that TV gold? Pat would win that thing easy, especially now that Bruce Jenner is a woman and OJ killed a woman. Anyway, if they bring that back in the next couple of years, me and Foley are betting every dime we have on Patrick.
(Guy Speckman can be reached at email@example.com or browsing the TV Guide to see if The Superstars is back)