Here’s an opportunity to go behind the curtain here at The Landmark a bit. There is a group text chain that features yours truly, our Tech Man Schneider, fellow columnist Guy Speckman, our fearless leader Ivan Foley, and the brief recipient of this space, right-winger and our resident conspiracy theorist Brad Carl.
The nature of the text chain is mostly limited to NFL football commentary and making fun of Ivan’s terrible football picks this year. With one exception – Carl continues to push the conspiracy theory that the NFL – the National Football League – is rigged. The Naturally Rigged League is something that Brad’s 60s brain won’t let go of. He sends us videos, sends us “examples,” and outright just blabbers his insistence that the NFL season is fully scripted and predetermined before training camp.
For a while, I showed pity to Mister Carl. After all, he worked in radio and the music industry, and who knows what that man has ingested into his body. My guess is that he sets off metal detectors in airports and second hand smoke detectors in most garages. So I let it go. But the texts continue and the examples – no matter how far fetched – keep coming.
Conspiracy theories are fun. The idea that there is some puppet master sitting in New York pulling the levers to allow this team to win or that team to lose is hilarious. I was a kid of the 80’s and I learned a hard lesson when I learned that World Wide Wrestling was fake. Until they officially came out and said it, I would argue that there was no way. So I’ve never really been a fan of the grassy knoll or the moon landing studio. Jet fuel can melt steel beams and the COVID vaccine has saved way more people than it’s hurt.
The problem is that you can never 100% disprove a conspiracy theory. That’s where the conspiracy theorists will always have you over a barrel. Surely the COVID vaccine has had unintended side effects. Surely Cuba had some level of influence over Lee Harvey Oswald – even if it’s unconscious.
And the NFL of course makes decisions to spotlight certain teams or players. The Chiefs played a half dozen times in prime-time this year which obviously gave them an advantage over, let’s say, the Detroit Lions. But to think that there is some all-knowing, all powerful puppet master is silly. And here is the only proof you need.
People are humans. And humans are flawed. Period. End of line. Watergate was spoiled by moron crooks. The spirit of American adventure and tens of thousands of witnesses who made the spacecrafts that went to the moon – for nobody to break down and tattle tells you just how impossible it is to do.
For nobody within the Chiefs or the Chargers or the Cowboys to come out and be happy or pissed that their team is asked to take the fall or take a win this week – or for one referee to leak to the New York Times that he was told to throw an extra flag to give a win to a team is simply impossible to imagine. Besides, you can’t tell me that Carl Cheffers is smart enough to be able to control his bowels not to mention the outcome of a football game.
So, I’m sorry, conspiracy theorists. Sure, you make one or two good points, but that doesn’t eat the elephant, I’m afraid. It’s just too hard to be the Wizard behind the curtain. And I’m sorry, Brad. Your NFL takes are just about as bad this year as your football picks.
(Stay up to date on text chains and more from Chris Kamler on Twitter, where you’ll find him as @TheFakeNed)