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A COVID Christmas

Chris Kamler by Chris Kamler
December 3, 2020
in The Rambling Moron
A COVID CHRISTMAS
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T‘was the night before COVID Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was coughing, not even a mouse;

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The masks were all sanitized and washed with great care,

So that grandma and grandpa from the window could stare.

The children were nestled in their own separate rooms,

So that infection would only take the dew off one bloom;

While sugar plums normally dance in their heads,

A Zoom meeting with cousins, instead they will dread.

And mamma in her gator, and I in my mask,

Had set out to Costco to complete holiday’s task.

When Karen, who shrieked, from the frozen food aisle she clatter,

“I’LL NOT WEAR A MASK” upending the pizza samples platter.

My cell phone I whipped out, to document the scene,

This show will go viral, if it were to be seen.

In the face of some stockboy, the Karen did scream,

“I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER” so angry, she seemed.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But the manager of the store, big fat man, with beard.

With his customer services skills patient and quick,

I knew in a moment, he must be St. Nick.

There’s Fauci, there’s science, there’s doctors, and Birx,

There’s really no need to be such jerks.

Just please, wear a mask, grab one here, they are free,

It’s the best way to stop germs for you and for me.

In a calming way, he took on Karen with care,

More rapid than eagles his story he’d share,

About his cousin, with Covid, on a respirator he feared,

Then Karen did something that everyone cheered.

She listened with intent and then dropped her eyes,

The mask from her jeans she pulled out with some sighs.

Mr. Kringle then thanked her and gave her a note,

“Twenty percent off one item, and thanks!” on it he wrote.

His khakis were covered all over with dust,

As truckloads of toilet paper unloading he fussed.

His eyes – how they drooped, like he hadn’t yet slept,

Since Black Friday when an all night vigil he kept.

An essential worker, Kris Kringle his nametag did say,

For the extended hours he worked so he’d maintain his pay.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

From stocking the shelves with sardines and grape jelly.

He spoke not a word, but went back to his work,

With the Karen calmed down, he turned ’round with a smirk.

And laying a finger aside of his nose,

Off to dairy where a milk spill might have arose.

This Christmas, hang in there, give yourself a needed break,

Maybe dial back the big party, instead, cook a steak.

We know that this year will have nothing the same,

Protecting the loved ones is the name of the game.

My wife and I finished our shopping then hurried back home,

For the new fallen snow glistened outside our dome.

And I thought of the manager and we drove out of sight,

Wishing a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a safe night.

Chris Kamler

Chris Kamler

Chris Kamler is a 20 year veteran of Information Technology and a nearly 50 year veteran of being a pain in the rear.

He is known for his irreverence through his social media Twitter account @TheFakeNed along with his weekly Landmark columns, sports broadcasts, podcasts, and his book.

Kamler has a wife and a child and is a lifelong Northlander. His list of loves include his family and QuikTrip roller food.

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