t’s October and last spring I told my family that this virus should burn off by summer. When you have time, please make a note that I am not a good predictor of the lasting impact of pandemics, should another one arrive in the near future. Probably should use someone else as your source for that information.
I have a mask update for you from the states of Kansas and Oklahoma. A quick weekend jaunt to the south indicates that masks are all the rage in southeast Kansas, however if you are not interested in mask wearing, just cross over the state line into Oklahoma and there is apparently no virus, because they are not wearing masks. I have no idea how anything works anymore. Maybe Barbara Bollier and Joe Biden will fix all this in January. Hang tight.
They continue to test Joe Biden for the virus, but I’d probably test him for a pulse first. Let’s be clear though, I am not a medical doctor, but I do read Dr. Scott Gottlieb’s tweets.
I’m not willing to fight for much, but if the New England Patriots infect Patrick Mahomes or Andy Reid with anything remotely close to a Corona virus then we should man our battle stations. We’d be waiting in line to jump off the Bartle Hall art pieces if not for Patrick and Andy bringing this region some joy and hope this year. I know the New England area has some history with winning skirmishes, but I think we got this. Clark Hunt can beat up Robert Kraft and I trust some of the rural Missourians wouldn’t have much trouble with some of the Yankees from New England. Maybe we could even get Johnson County natives to give us a ride to battle in their Lexuses and Land Rovers. Anyway, I’m really not in favor of a new civil war, but this should be our tipping point; act accordingly.
Speaking of Patrick, he and his wife to be announced they are pregnant recently. Honestly, they are first name celebrities already in this area, so all I had to say was, “Brittany is pregnant.”
I’m not going to claim to be an expert on economic development, but I have served on useless committees more than once, and I have an idea. Instead of spending time and effort on getting companies to relocate to Platte County or propping up travel agencies, I’d be going after Patrick and Brittany. Listen, these people need a place to raise a family. Surely we have 100 acres around here that we could Tax Increment Finance or CARES Act him to raise this baby and a lot more little Mahomies. What is the economic impact of Patrick Mahomes living in Platte County? You can’t count that high.
Don’t even get me started on what happens to the local sports scene with a bunch of Mahomes on your rosters.
Listen, this deserves a committee or at least a Zoom call. In the next year or so, you’re going to hear about Patrick building his dream home in Stilwell, Kan. and you’re going to remember how smart this idea was and you’re going to be disappointed in your elected leaders for not pursing this. Don’t blow this, call someone important who can make this happen.
(Guy Speckman can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or studying Brittany’s sonograms)