The country is beginning its reawakening following its months-long battle with COVID-19. The federal government has decided it would be best to ignore the “United” in United States of America and go with a state-by-state, city by city assessment on when businesses can reopen and folks can go back to work.
This has led to some… awkward rules as some states are wanting to be first to claim victory over COVID. And others might be more tepid on reopening since experts are still saying testing and protective equipment has not risen to the levels deemed safe. Making things even more complicated, the counties are in on the fun as well with Clay County swooping in changing dates on top of changed dates.
From a state level, Gov. Parson indicated that relaxing rules would occur on May 3, while Mayor Lucas of Kansas City has indicated he will not relax Kansas City’s rules until May 15th. Some cities are following the state directive. Some the KCMO directive. Some are going out on their own.
Since this is your friendly neighborhood Landmark, we are here with all of the rules and regulations on what, where, when, why, and wha???
First off, in all cities across Missouri, pants are still required in public. Don’t ask me how I know this law, but I have confirmed it in a number of cities across the Northland, one Kum And Go in Iowa, and the rest stop between Platte City and St. Joseph. They can be cut offs, or sweats, or jeans. But you can’t just go tighty whities.
In the Kansas City portion of Platte County, which includes the airport and Zona Rosa, businesses must remain carry-out only until May 15 and masks are highly encouraged to be worn in public. This is, of course, unless you are in Clay County, facing the east during a full moon. In that case you won’t be able to fit a mask over your werewolf fangs.
In Riverside, Missouri, these rules will also stay in effect until May 15. This is, of course, unless you are in line to buy lottery tickets at the Red X. There’s simply no safe way to crowd everyone in the line for lotto tickets and you can’t win if you don’t play. Just promise to donate some of your winnings toward finding a COVID cure when you, ultimately, win. Fireworks stands are allowed to be open and your social distancing can be at a buy one-get one free distance.
In Parkville, essential businesses are encouraged to still do business through May 15th. Residents of Riss Lake are encouraged to remain at least six feet away from the gardeners and housekeepers tending to their homes.
Tracy, Missouri has always had a rather loose interpretation of the law. If you are related to a member of the city government, you are allowed to open now. If not, you must wait until September.
If you are in unincorporated Platte County, well, you likely never took many social distancing steps since you live in the boonies. And since you probably don’t have the Internet, you’re maybe not aware of any of this. Plant your corn. Feed the cows. You’ll be fine.
Listen. We know this is confusing. If we do some of this too early, we’ll likely to have to go back on full lockdown. Schools are already closed for the rest of the year, and roller food is not on sale yet at QuikTrip. But we are going to make it through this, folks. No matter the rules. No matter the dates. Just remember to wash your hands and keep scratching those lotto tickets.
(Keep scratching for more from Chris Kamler on Twitter as @TheFakeNed and watch him on Landmark Live at Platte County Landmark on Facebook)