Check this out. The federal government never ceases to amaze us, really.Energy Star, the federal program run by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and the U.S. Department of Energy has some tips for beating the heat. Allegedly.
Energy Star recommends that in order to reduce costs and energy usage, all of us should be setting our thermostats as high as comfortably possible through the summer.
Well that part sounds reasonable. The phrase “as comfortably possible” makes perfect sense. But then the train starts to derail. Like, completely off the tracks. Hang on for this:
- Energy Star recommends when you’re home hanging around the house you should set your thermostat at 78 degrees.
- Energy Star says if you’re spending the day away from home, turn your thermostat up to 85 degrees.
- Finally, Energy Star recommends setting your thermostat at 82 degrees.My reaction? Ain’t happenin’.
Here’s a question: How drunk was the guy who wrote these recommendations? I hope his friends see that he gets the help he needs. Or beat his ass till Creed gets popular again.
There’s no way those guidelines are going to allow us to comfortably survive a Missouri summer of heat and humidity. They’re just not. Nan Johnston’s got a better chance of winning Miss Congeniality.
Set the thermostat at 85 degrees while you’re at work? In the middle of a typical summer around these parts? That’s nuts. Your home will never get cooled down in time for you to sleep comfortably, especially if your bedroom is on the upper floor of the home.
Set the thermostat at 78 when you’re hanging around the house? Um, sure, if you don’t mind your shirt sticking to you. Is this a test to see how well your deodorant is working?
But the biggest violation of common sense is the last one: Set your thermostat at 82 degrees when you go to bed? Right. Maybe if you’re gonna sleep naked on a bed of ice.
Who the heck can sleep at 82 degrees? Especially after you’ve had the room temperature at 78 for the day. If you like the room to be warmer when you’re trying to sleep than when you’re just hanging around the house, you’re different than 98 percent of other humans. Just saying.
Come on. These suggestions are too nutty to even experiment with, I’m sorry. The thermostat in my home has not been above 72 degrees all summer. And rarely that high. In fact, let me give you the Foley Comfort Index: thermostat at 69 during the day. Bedtime? I go full blown gangster. Drop that thing down to 66. Get the sleeping area nice and cool. And dark, of course. It works.
Throw that government study in the trash. Or to be environmentally friendly, toss it in the recycling bin.
Either way, if you want to be “as comfortable as possible,” you’ll need to disregard that silliness.
Don’t forget the annual Parkville Days festival is this weekend.
Won’t it be ironic if there is sunshine for Parkville Days?
Don’t pretend you didn’t get it. You got it.
Here’s one of the biggest takeaways from the in-depth story about the local housing market by our Valerie Verkamp on this week’s front page. Renters, if you think you can’t afford to buy, you might be thinking wrong. Meet with a lender or two, maybe a realtor or two, and find out more about the loan possibilities that are out there. It may be much more financially feasible for you than you think. There are loans available that don’t require much of a down payment. In fact, they’re telling us there are some loans nowadays that will finance 100% of the purchase price. It’s a far cry from the days when lenders wanted 20 percent down.
Another thing that hits home from the article is that the lower-priced houses in Platte County don’t stay on the market long. Home prices are up–and continuing to rise–and inventory remains low. This creates a feeding frenzy when lower-priced homes go on the market. If you’re looking to buy and see one you want, you need to jump on it quickly.
Sure, Strouds at Oak Ridge Manor has good fried chicken. But if you haven’t tried their gizzards, you’re missing out. Best thing on the menu.
So KCP&L is slowly taking on its new brand name. In case you haven’t heard, the company is becoming known as Evergy.
Evergy. Congrats to whatever third grade focus group came up with that.Not a big fan of the name. But hey, if calling it Evergy will get us fewer power outages and no rate increases, I’m all in.
More on this at a later time, but here’s your heads up that the greatest comic on the internet is coming back to Platte County. Our man Donnie Baker, who you met through this column space last October, will be performing at the Improv in Zona Rosa later this fall.
In the meantime, follow his Facebook page for those moments you need some laughter in your life.
(Follow Foley on Facebook, on Twitter @ivanfoley, on Instagram, and subscribe to his YouTube channel for videos. Email firstname.lastname@example.org)