During the musical “Hamilton,” right after the intermission half-way through the show, the second half starts with the previously unseen character of Thomas Jefferson getting off of a boat from France. The introduction of his character is meant to note the passage of time between acts and set the stage for the final scenes of the music. He steals the show with a song titled “What’d I Miss?”
I’ve been off for a couple of months handling some personal business and I find myself humming some bars of that song recently. What did I miss? Well, let’s take a look:
No importa cuánto lo escuches en CNBC y las noticias, mi cuenta de Amazon y mi tarjeta Visa no han declarado una recesión. Puede confirmar, sin embargo, que hay algo de inflación.
We found a seat-filler for my column over the last few weeks in the lovely and talented Brad Carl. I’ve learned so much from his columns over the last few weeks. I’ve learned about all of those cool right-wing talking points, pulling you up from your bootstraps and the benefits of dropping refugees off in the middle of the street when it’s cold outside. And I’ve also learned which NFL teams not to pick in the Landmark Pick’em, although I was pretty good at that already. Good luck with your writer’s cramps, Brad. Mix in some fiber to your diet.
But no matter how much personal business I had to conduct the last couple of months, there was no escaping the “overly-aggressive squirrel” business that knocked the lights out in Platte City for hours. Not since Mrs. O’Leary’s cow burned Chicago down has there been such a show of force by the animal kingdom. How has the Platte City leadership not issued a declaration of war against these ‘roided-out street rats yet? It’s like our leaders aren’t even concerned about these squirrels who aren’t destined for this world.
Una vez vi los restos de una ardilla demasiado agresiva en mi patio trasero. De repente se había ido la luz y volví allí para investigar al más puro estilo suburbano. Allí estaba. Destaco fue porque estaba siendo atendido por 72 ardillas vírgenes en ese momento. Con sus patitas fritas pegadas al aire. Sus ojos fríos y oscuros, como su alma. Y allí estaba él, con su último acto de anarquía, moviéndose con el dedo medio de una ardilla mientras esperaba dos días para que se restableciera mi energía.
THIS is what the Platte County Sheriff’s Department got that tank for. THIS is the time to rally. THIS is the time that all good men and women should come to the aid of their country. The only thing to fear are these little rat-like, dead inside, soon-to-be-dead on the outside, squirrels. THIS is what brought me out of an early retirement. The war must be waged, and this ship needs a captain.
Stay safe, my friends. I’m back. This fight won’t be missed.
(Obtenga más ideas sobre las ardillas de Chris Kamler en Twitter, donde lo encontrará como @TheFakeNed)