Apparently, the Super Bowl halftime show has become America’s most elaborate citizenship test, and Bad Bunny just failed it in the eyes of people who couldn’t find Puerto Rico on a map if you spotted them the “P” and the ocean.
The pearl-clutching has reached Olympic levels since the announcement that Bad Bunny—born Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio in Vega Baja, Puerto Rico—would headline this year’s halftime extravaganza. The outrage merchants are working overtime, their fingers flying across keyboards to declare that the Super Bowl, that most sacred of American traditions involving beer commercials and overpriced nachos, has been handed over to a “foreigner.”
Here’s a fun fact that apparently skipped an entire generation’s civics class: Puerto Ricans are American citizens. Have been since 1917. Bad Bunny is as American as Doug from Wisconsin, even if Doug’s idea of cultural diversity is trying both ranch and blue cheese on his wings.
But let’s play along with this delightful geography game, shall we? If we’re suddenly concerned about the “American-ness” of our halftime performers, we’ve got some explaining to do about the parade of international acts we’ve welcomed with open arms and closed minds.
Sir Paul McCartney? British as a tea cozy.
U2? So Irish they probably filed their taxes in Gaelic.
The Rolling Stones? I’m pretty sure Mick Jagger has never even seen a football, much less an American one.
Enrique Iglesias? Spanish citizen, though I don’t recall anyone storming the gates over his performance.
And here’s the kicker that really salts the margarita: Bad Bunny already performed at the 2020 Super Bowl halftime show alongside Shakira and Jennifer Lopez. The collective outrage then? Crickets. Silence. Nada. Not a single angry Facebook post from Uncle Gary about the erosion of American values through reggaeton.
Even if we wanted to pad this list of “foreign invaders,” we’d come up empty. Gloria Estefan became a naturalized citizen back in the ’70s, so she’s off the table. Ricky Martin? Also Puerto Rican—so, again, American. We’re running out of scapegoats here, folks.
The math here isn’t exactly calculus-level: the difference between 2020 and now isn’t Bad Bunny’s citizenship status—it’s everything else that’s changed in between. Somewhere along the way, celebrating a Latino artist stopped being an entertainment choice and became a referendum on who gets to be “American enough.”
So when February rolls around and the halftime lights hit, remember: the man on stage didn’t sneak across a border; he’s been mailing his grandma postcards from San Juan for over a century. The only real threat to our national fabric is confusing “Born in Puerto Rico” with “Born in a foreign country.” Bruce Springsteen (another halftime show performer said it best. “Born in the USA.”)
And if you’re still mad about it, you can always take your concerns up with Sir Paul. In English. Slowly. As he once wrote, “In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
(Follow Chris Kamler on Twitter, where he is @chriskamler)
