Let’s unpack this like a pair of skinny jeans after Thanksgiving dinner. Sydney Sweeney, star of Euphoria and professional smoke show, recently partnered with American Eagle for a campaign that promised “great jeans” but accidentally detonated a debate about genes instead. The ad’s tagline—a pun so cheeky it could’ve been posted on a “Dad Jokes Of All Time” website—sparked accusations of Arian-adjacent messaging. Because nothing unites a nation like a 400% markup on pants with holes already built in and a side of racism.
For a hot minute, it worked. AE’s stock soared 24%, as if Wall Street brokers had mainlined espresso and mistaken Sweeney’s sultry stare for a fiscal policy. Investors briefly believed in the power of cheekbones to offset inflation. However, just like Sweeney’s vapid personality, there was no substance there. Store traffic plummeted faster than a TikTok influencer’s attention span, and Bank of America downgraded the stock, muttering about “tariffs” and “pricing power” like a disappointed parent finding a vape pen in the laundry.
The backlash was swift, bipartisan, and utterly unhinged. Progressives called the “jeans/genes” wordplay a slippery slope toward Nazi cosplay. Conservatives, meanwhile, clutched their pearls (and their “WOKE IS BROKE” mugs) and cried “cancel culture!” AE, ever the diplomat, doubled down with the energy of someone insisting of course this was the idea all along and that there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Wall Street disagreed.
Enter the PR ninjas. AE quietly dropped a follow-up ad featuring a non-white model—a move as subtle as spraying Febreze on a landfill. “See? We’re inclusive! Now please ignore the wake of societal destruction in our rear view mirror!” Sweeney, meanwhile, has mastered the art of strategic silence, floating above the fray like a Kardashian at a scientific convention. Her new indie film Americana bombed with the elegance of a science fair experiment with nuclear-grade materials. I’m not here to say Sweeney is an empty skull with a nice butt, however, if you were to ask her what her favorite date was, I’m pretty sure she’d tell you July 6. At this rate I look for her to be named the next Secretary of State in only a few weeks.
The real lesson here? Capitalism will try to sell anything for any reason to anyone and will use any means to do it so long as that goes unchecked—as long as it’s wrapped in a 30% off coupon. So next time you’re browsing for jeans, remember: The only thing American Eagle is engineering is a masterclass in how to turn a sale into a sociological case study. Do yourself a favor, when you need to go buying some new jeans, head over to the thrift store and ignore whatever bottle blonde is on your TV making up dad jokes. Maybe the dad is named Gene and is married to Jean.
(Follow Chris Kamler on X. You’ll find him @chriskamler)
