Folks, I am here today to talk about a hot topic that has been causing quite a stir in the country: the price of eggs. Yes, you heard that right, eggs. The innocent and unassuming breakfast food has suddenly become the center of controversy. Some say their prices are going down, while others claim they are going up.
First, let’s address the claim that egg prices are going down. Who are these people and where do they live? Because I have yet to see a single grocery store or farmer’s market selling eggs at a reasonable price. And don’t even get me started on the so-called “organic” and “cage-free” eggs that cost an arm and a leg. Are those chickens being hand-fed organic kale or laying their eggs on silk sheets? Because that’s the only explanation for their outrageous prices. I just want an omelet Buddah Master Tim.
But on the other hand, we have those who believe that egg prices are going up. And I have to say, I am inclined to agree with them. I mean, have you seen the size of those cartons lately? It’s like they’re trying to fit one egg in each square. And let’s not forget about the notorious “brown eggs” that somehow cost more than regular white eggs. Are they being laid by golden chickens or do they come with a side of truffle oil?
Now, I know what you’re all thinking. How can the government let this happen? Aren’t they supposed to regulate these things and ensure that the prices are fair for all? Well, let me burst your bubble. We all know that the government can barely control anything itself. You’re telling me they have a sliding lever in some Congressman’s office controlling egg prices? Please, I have more faith in my toaster than in our government’s ability to control prices.
And let’s say egg prices do go down to “normal.” Then what? We’ll just be bitching about the price of gas, or the price of milk and bread or oh my god the price of a steak at the grocery store. I mean, have you seen the price of a decent ribeye these days? It’s like they’re selling it for gold bars. I almost glanced at a gasp Impossible Steak. Made of leaves. And roots. And earthen things.
The point I’m trying to make here is that we, as a society, will always find something to complain about. It’s in our nature. We could be living in a utopian world where everything is free, and we would still find something to grumble about. “The weather is too nice, I’m getting sunburnt.” “Why do I have to walk to the beach, can’t someone carry me?” “I’m tired of eating caviar, can’t we have some peanut butter and jelly for a change?”
It’s like we’re programmed to always find the negative in every situation. And it’s a vicious cycle. Prices go up, we complain. Prices go down, we still complain. It’s like we’re never satisfied. We always want more, and when we get it, we’re still not happy. It’s like trying to fill a bottomless pit with water. No matter how much water you pour in, it will never be enough.
What it does is dilute when things are really out of whack, like these rising prices on eggs and, seriously, what’s going on with beef prices, you guys? They might have to start selling McDonald’s with Bitcoin.
So, I urge you to not get too excited about the price of eggs going up or down. Because let’s face it, there will always be something else to complain about.
So next time you’re about to complain about the price of eggs, just remember that there are bigger things to worry about. Like the fact that we still don’t have flying cars or teleportation. Now that’s something to complain about.
Who knows, maybe one day, when we’re old and wrinkly, we’ll look back at these egg price debates and laugh at how silly we were because green beans are now $26 a can or a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese has increased to $2.00. But until then, let’s try to be a little less grumpy and a little more grateful. Oh, and if anyone finds a store selling eggs at a reasonable price, please let me know. My toaster is getting lonely.
(Follow Chris Kamler on Twitter–he says don’t call it X–where you’ll find him as @chriskamler)
