A man walks into the doctor and says “hey Doc, my elbow hurts when I bend it like this…”
The doctor examines the man’s arm, moving it to and fro, up and down then steps back. “Put hand in pocket. That’ll be $45.”
This year, I turned 52. To the youth, it’s old. To the old, it’s young. But I have started to feel more aches and pains nearly everywhere in my body. While I still exercise regularly, and try to eat healthy, there’s just certain things that lugging a sousaphone tuba around for 8 years, then umpiring baseball games for 35 years leave on you. And they all seem to show up in the morning when I get out of bed.
That sound you hear in North Kansas City is me stretching my neck, my knees, my torso, and my arms just to get out of bed. Usually, after some ibuprofen and some stretching, I am back to normal. But normal for me was never really like those waving tube guys outside the used car dealerships. More like a stoic statue outside a museum.
For a long time, I would go to the doctor with these aches and pains. I had my knee replaced when I was 42. I had some minor surgeries here and there to correct things. But now, the doctors are simply giving me the option to manage the aches and pains rather than fully correct them.
I went to the dentist the other day, and I had a small chip in one of my teeth. The chip didn’t result in any sort of pain, but was just noticeable when I ran my tongue around it. “Well, we could fix it. But, if it’s not bugging you, you could just let it be.”
Much like the directive to put the hand in your pocket to avoid moving your elbow. I think I’ve just reached that stage where if blood isn’t pouring out of me, I just kind of suck it up, buttercup.
Doc, it hurts when I bend way over. “Use your legs and don’t bend over.”
Doc, it hurts when I raise my arm up way high. “Don’t do that.”
Doc, it hurts when I drink too much dairy. “Don’t drink too much dairy.”
There’s simply other ways to figure it out at this age. I’m certain I’m a long way away from my body fully breaking down. If I were a car, I probably wouldn’t get great trade-in value, and my glove box sometimes doesn’t close all the way, but I still can drive and get you to the grocery store and back.
I think this is an acceptable way to be. Still, you might put in some ear plugs around 6:45 every morning when I’m rolling my way out of bed.
(Get an aches and pains alert from Chris Kamler on Twitter, where you’ll find him as @chriskamler)
