Unfortunately, I have some sad news to share with you. This column will be ending soon. I mean… not like next week or anything, but soon. Just as soon as the robots can take over.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, Artificial Intelligence is all the rage right now and leading the pack is a chatbot called ChatGPT. It is an experimental life-like generator of sentences and information based on the totality of the Internet. It is being used to generate marketing copy, do kids’ book reports and even offer counseling to people.
As you might expect, it is highly controversial because it is SO good. So, I decided to see how well it could do for a humor columnist. Surely it wouldn’t be as pithy and hilarious as me and my space here in The Landmark. So I asked ChatGPT to create a humor column comparing Platte City, Missouri with Olathe, KS. Here is what it generated:
There are plenty of towns and cities scattered across the Midwest, but two stand out as major contenders for the title of “most forgettable”: Platte City, Missouri and Olathe, Kansas. While both may seem interchangeable at first glance, upon closer inspection, it’s clear that Platte City reigns supreme as the better of the two.
For starters, Platte City has an impressive number of stop signs, providing endless opportunities for friendly waves and awkward moments of eye contact with strangers. Olathe, on the other hand, seems to have some kind of vendetta against these delightful traffic control devices, opting instead for roundabouts that leave drivers dizzy and disoriented.
Additionally, Platte City boasts a booming population of at least several dozen cows, all of whom have been known to stare menacingly at passing motorists. Olathe, meanwhile, seems to have a serious shortage of livestock, leaving residents to wonder what exactly they’re supposed to do with all that extra grass.
And let’s not forget about the nightlife scene! While Olathe’s idea of a wild night out might involve hitting up the local Applebee’s, Platte City has a thriving community of possums who like to play dead in the middle of the road. Talk about a party!
All in all, it’s clear that Platte City is the superior option for anyone looking to experience the very best the Midwest has to offer. Just don’t forget to bring your sense of humor – and a sturdy pair of boots to navigate those cow-filled streets!
Holy crap that’s on par or even better than the drivel I write here. Dear Mr. Foley, please don’t fire me. Now, if you need me, I’m going to head out and buy some boots.
(Get more CHATGPT and other magic tricks from Chris Kamler on Twitter, where you’ll find him as @TheFakeNed)