Jack Danforth was a Republican United States Senator representing Missouri from 1976 until 1995. He was everything people loved in a senator back then. Born and raised in St. Louis, attended Yale Law School as well as Yale Divinity school. White, male, deep voice that only spoke in measured terms. Nothing off the cuff, pure 1980’s type senator.
I once attended a meeting at which he spoke. Some Rotary group or chamber of commerce organization at the Wilson Motel in Maryville. He commanded the room. How many senators speak at “motel” diners these days? I’ve digressed.
Fast forward 30 or so years and Jack is back. He threw in five million of his own dollars to get involved in the Missouri Senate race. I kind of feel sorry for Jack and I really feel sorry for his five million dollars, because he would have had more fun burning it in his backyard. Being a Divinity school graduate, I assume strip clubs were not an option for burning through his cash, but I think the resulting disappointment will be similar.
Somebody, or just advanced age, convinced Jack that his measured, deep tone seriousness would play well in 2022. Unfortunately for the electorate, that train has left the station. Reasoned thought from a noble source has limited demand these days.
He kicked in his cash and then made a commercial where he sits in a rocking chair and stares seriously at the camera and tells us we are all in this together and we need to vote for an Independent. Mind you, it’s a horrible commercial in the modern era of 10-second attention spans. I watched the entire commercial multiple times and I still had to look up who he was supporting. Dude’s name is John Wood. Seems like a good guy, former U.S. District Attorney, etc. etc., also a guy that is going lose a lot of Jack Danforth’s money running for United States Senate.
This ain’t your granddad’s senate race. This race features blue jean, sport coat wearing, gun toting, obstacle course running Eric Greitens. It features ultra conservative, sue-your-local-school-district Eric Schmitt, Vicky Hartzler and an auctioneer/Congressman and Trumper from Springfield named Billy Long, who is exactly what you would expect from a guy that is named Billy Long and an auctioneer in Springfield. That’s just the Republican side of the equation.
Throw in a Busch Beer family legacy, Trudy Busch Valentine and former Marine Lucas Kunce among a bevy of Democrats and Jack’s money looks like it’s gone to me. Rest in peace.
Speaking of Trudy, she’s Gussie Busch’s daughter and I’m not sure how much it costs to buy a United States Senate seat, but you would think that she’s got the amount available. I’m not much on Democrat politics, but in an effort to be fair, I will continue to drink Bud Light throughout this election season to show my willingness to help all of these candidates.
That’s what people say about me, “fair to the core.”
Yes, I’m aware the Busch family sold the company, but I’m in this for the spirit of the moment.
You guys ever wonder what happened to break dancing? Me too.
In case it was bothering you, Jack Danforth’s real name is John Danforth, and I don’t know why they call him “Jack” and it is kind of bothering me. My internet tells me that “Jack” is a nickname for “John” from way back and it eventually spun off into its own name. Kind of like “Frasier” spinning off from Cheers or something.
Anyway, you can call him Jack or John, I suppose he won’t mind as long as you vote Independent.
(Jack Speckman can be reached at email@example.com or drinking Bud Light and working on his break dancing)