Andy Griffith died eight years ago this month and I think we can trace most of our current problems in this world to him not being with us anymore. Prove me wrong!
I named a dog Matlock once. I loved Andy’s Ben Matlock character. That dude could win a court case, have sandwich, and collect his $100,000 retainer fee in random weeknight hour’s time. Name me one other lawyer with similar skill?
My dog named Matlock did not have a similar skill set. He mostly just pooped and barked.
If you’ve ever been billed by a lawyer, you probably appreciate Ben Matlock’s standard fee of $100,000 that he quoted in a few episodes. Flat rate lawyers are hard to find. Lawyer fees are typically billed out like some sort of water torture. Their time is billed by the minute and then add on the postage, paralegal and secretary hours, ink, paper, folders, coffee, martinis, etc. and each bill feels like someone is water boarding you. You just want it to end.
It’s not “I’m willing to go to prison” instead of paying this bill, level, but probably close for many people.
Anyway, Ben Matlock and Andy Taylor are missed, at least by me.
President Joe Biden is just the most recent in a long line of politicians from both sides of the aisle that has proverbially asked you to cut off your face to spite your nose.
Biden and his administration have taken to blaming the big bad oil companies for your gas pump woes and accuses them of making “too much money.” Listen, I failed economics in college, twice, but I do understand a little common sense finance. All those big oil companies “making too much” money is one of the only things keeping your 401Ks, mutual funds and other retirement accounts from completely crashing over the last six months.
While Biden is bashing Exxon for making too much money, the three largest pension funds in the United States and similar funds own nearly 60% of Exxon stock. You don’t have to be a math major to understand what happens to those funds if they make “less” money. Unfortunately, it is a game of hot potato that Wall Street and government have played with “blame” for decades.
By the way, the three largest pension funds in the United States are California Public Employee’s Retirement, California Teaches Retirement and New York Common Retirement Fund. It is almost a trillion dollars of combined investment. Think that through as you toil through your Midwestern existence.
Speaking of dogs, I’m a little concerned. I have two dogs, a three-year-old female miniature Australian Shepherd named Jude and an eleven-year-old male Border Collie named Zeke. If you’re a vet or dog whisperer, please reach out. Zeke has been a “squat to pee” guy all of his life. Hey, whatever, I get it. Seems easier, can’t say I’d approach life any different if I was a dog. In fact, I’ll admit to being on this side of the fence as a human from time to time.
I’ve digressed, seems as though something has happened in Zeke’s eleventh year of life. Just this weekend he “switched over” to a “raise your leg to pee” dog and it has blown my mind. Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? All these years I was kind of embarrassed by my “squat to pee” male dog and now he’s a “raise his hind leg” type dog and I can’t wait to show him off around town.
This has all kinds of thoughts going through my head though. In human years, Zeke is like 77. Does this mean I’ll be changing my “style” if I make it to 77? Is this a normal change for dogs? Is he “slow” and just figured this approach to waste management out? It reminds me of former Chiefs cornerback Bennie Thompson who once crawled down the sideline and raised his hind leg as if he were doing his business on the opponent, which was funny, but maybe a sign Bennie had caught on late in life as well.
I don’t have any answers for you.
Hopefully, someone has answers for me.
(Guy Speckman is waiting for “raise your hind leg” experts to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or watching Matlock reruns)