Happy Holidays, everyone! It is I, Fake Nedius, the great prognosticator! And I am here on this final week of the year to give you my predictions for 2022. Sure, we’ve had a wild couple of years, but you have NO idea what’s coming in ’22, so sit back, relax, and make your plans…
.On February 22, 2022, the greatest event in mankind will happen. That date happens to be a Tuesday, and therefore will be declared SUPER TACO TUESDAY 2/22/22. Circle the date on the calendar now.
.In June, the Royals will finally bring up Bobby Witt, Jr. and he will hit for the cycle in his first Major League game.
.In March, 2022, Ivan Foley and I will be temporarily banned from Facebook after one of our drinking skits goes horribly wrong. There will be nudity. People will be scarred.
.In July, 2022, after the Lambda variant of Covid-19 makes everyone’s fingernails stop growing and gives everyone a British accent, Dr. Anthony Fauci will be quoted on Meet The Press, “Ya know what? Screw it. YOU guys figure it out.” He will go fishing for the next six weeks.
.Sadly, the Kansas City Chiefs will lose to the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl. However, Jackson Mahomes will be banned from TikTok the same day. So it’ll be a wash.
.A new Disney+ series will feature a crossover between the Marvel Universe and the Star Wars Universe. It will feature Baby Yoda as the little scamp travels to Azgard, to hang with Thor. It will be titled Thor and Grogu: Electric Boogaloo.
.Unfortunately, Covid-19 will remain the top story in 2022. But as the virus continues to mutate, folks will, naturally, still argue with checkers at grocery stores about wearing masks. But checkers will be legally allowed to taze anyone screaming at them.
.Covid-19 will become so powerful, it will release its own line of NFT’s. Throughout 2022, still nobody will know what an NFT is.
.Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg will be arrested after committing the first “virtual murder” in the Metasphere. He will be sent to virtual jail where he receives a sentence of two years where he needs to read posts from your Aunt Janice about Fox News and Hillary Clinton.
.On Jan. 4, 2022, you will break your New Year’s Resolution.
.Also, off of all of her success in 2021, Taylor Swift will re-record other famous albums – this time, including songs she never wrote. Look for Led Zeppelin’s IV (Taylor’s Version), Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound (Taylor’s Version), and Beethoven’s Fifth Concerto (Taylor’s Version.)
Listen, it has certainly been a year. But my wish to you for 2022 is that it contains as many good moments as 2021 had, but even more. We are on the cusp of figuring out how to live with this virus and 2021 did see a return to some normal activities. So there’s plenty of optimism that ’22 will be one for the ages. A Happy New Year to all of you! See you in ’22!
(Get predictions and more from Chris Kamler on Twitter, where he is known as @TheFakeNed)