I am trying to work the word “sedition” into a normal, non-political conversation this week. It is more difficult than you might expect.
It reminds me of “Asiago.” Up until about five years ago, I had never heard of Asiago cheese and then it was everywhere; even Panera and Wendy’s had it in or on something. It was invented in the 1500’s or so, but I guess it took that long to get to America. Supply lines are stressed.
I’m not sure when sedition was invented, but it’s the new word of the month.
Maybe I’m just an idiot and this is how it reveals itself.
Speaking of things I didn’t know for most of my life, are you guys familiar with snow fleas? I’m 54 years old and had never heard of such a thing. Then two weeks ago I was shoveling my driveway and noticed bugs all over my snow piles (that is not a euphemism). I quickly yelled at my wife, because these are the kind of things you yell at your wife about after 30 or so years of marriage. “Leslie, come here,” was my refrain from the driveway. She ignored me until I yelled it multiple times which is always the appropriate spousal response after 30 or so years of marriage.
Anyway, between her, me and Google we figured out they were fleas. Apparently, these are harmless fleas and they really aren’t fleas; they’re just nicknamed “snow fleas.” Kind of like Dick for Richard, I suppose.
They are not even insects, yet they look and jump just like a flea. They are officially “springtails.” They do not bite, and they tend to come up during warmer winter days. They don’t ever freeze and usually they hide in your soil.
Maybe you people knew all of this and were keeping it from me. I’m still amazed I have lived such a sheltered life to no have known such things.
I’m still confused why they call people named Richard, “Dick.” But I’m also confused why some people call me “Dick” and my name is not Richard, so I guess I’ll leave that mystery alone.
The political action committee that does the biding for Kansas City based Hallmark has asked Senator Josh Hawley for their political donations to be returned. I know we are making up new rules as we go, but I’m not sure that is how political donations work.
However, if bad financial decisions are now refundable, I’m in. I would have to do a forensic audit, but I am quite confident I have spent good money after bad on greeting cards over the years, I’d like that money back if it’s a new standard. I’ve also lost a lot of time watching bad Hallmark movies, I’d like that time returned to me as well. I’ve never been wealthy enough to shop at Halls Department Store, so they’re off the hook there. They also own Crayola, and I can assure you that they’ve messed up many a child’s perfect childhood with stupid color debuts over the years. In case you are not up on your Crayola colors, they’ve had Neon Carrot, Laser Lemon, Inch Work and Macaroni and Cheese Colors.
I think those children deserve their money back as well.
Anyway, let me know the new rule and we will put our claim in line behind the Hawley claims; I’m no line jumper.
(Guy Speckman can be reached at email@example.com or fighting off snow fleas)