As a rite of passage last week, as my son turned 21, I took him out for a night at the casino. This was both a prideful moment for me and also one of much nervousness.
I think most of us can agree that 21 is one of the most anti-climactic birthdays you can have. When you turn 10, you’re now double-digits. When you turn 13, you’re now a teenager.” When you are 18, you can vote. When you’re 21, you technically can buy alcohol, cigarettes, and gamble for the first times – but as I think most of us realize, most of our 21 year old friends have had alcohol long before they turned 21. This really only leaves gambling as the major thing you could do for the first time.
When I turned 21, the Argosy Casino had just opened. This was one of the very first “riverboats” in the area and somehow I found myself on one of its maiden cruises. (Way back in the olden times, Missouri made these casinos go on actual excursions because nothing comes easy in Missouri.) And for two hours I found myself with $100 in my pocket and absolutely no idea how to gamble. I learned quickly. And I won. I kept winning. After a couple hours at the baccarat table, I think I walked off of the boat with about $500 in my pocket. Literally no idea how I won. “Wow, this is pretty easy,” I told myself, so I went back the next day.
And I won about $500 again. This was life changing for a 21-year-old.
You know what’s coming. That thousand dollars, and more, would disappear over the next couple of weeks and several return visits. The feeling of walking out of the casino with $1,000 in your pocket isn’t anywhere near the same sensation as you walking out having lost $500 of your own money. Eventually, the desire to “go to the boats” would subside, but it took a lot of management of that endorphin rush.
So, I find myself walking my 21-year-old son into the casino with $100 in his pocket. Thankfully, to me anyway, he lost. He walked out with a voucher for $.18 and not much of a desire to return. Count this as a win for dad. Stick to an occasional brewski and stay out of those casinos.
This does remind me of one of my favorite jokes:
My most favorite David Letterman joke was one he told when he did a series of shows in Las Vegas. Dave came out flanked by Vegas showgirls, Larry “Bud” Melman was dressed as Elvis Presley. For a kid who idolized Letterman in my developmental years, this was the Super Bowl.
So Letterman told this long and winding story about him walking down the Vegas strip where he was stopped by a panhandler. “Hey, Mister Letterman, could you spare a few dollars? My family is sick and they need medicine.”
Letterman stopped, and looked at the man standing right outside a casino. “How do I know you won’t just take this money and blow it at the casino behind you?”
The man, without dropping a beat then said, “Oh, I got gamblin’ money.”
If this is funny to you, you are my people.
(Find Chris Kamler on X, where he is @TheFakeNed)