A hotel manager in Nashville was arrested last week after using a manager’s key card to sneak into a guest’s room and then sucking on the guest’s toes. Yes, a man named David Neal snuck into another man’s room and sucked on his toes, without consent. I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure that this is why the Second Amendment to our constitution was passed. Our forefathers envisioned a day when a man would sneak into another man’s domicile and suck on his toes in the middle of the night and they rightfully decided that guns were necessary to stem this behavior. Unfortunately, the victim of the toe sucking was apparently not armed, cause that gets you shot 9 out of 10 times if you’re west of the Mississippi.
I can honestly say that I have never, ever, looked at another man’s toes and said, “Man, I’d love to get those dogs in my mouth.” You do you, though.
To be honest, I try to never look at anyone’s feet. I find most feet revolting and don’t want to hurt my corneas by accidentally catching some old codger’s undone nail work left over from the last decade. Such an event can set your view of humanity back a few years.
Can you imagine when this “toe sucker” gets to prison? He’s going to be sucking some gnarly toes in the joint when the “guys” find out about his crimes.
In other news, that is not toe related, the Missouri legislature has accomplished very little again this year. Maybe they’re sucking toes or something, I have no idea what they do.
Seriously, no toes in this stanza. Parkville Mayor Dean Katerndahl was on Landmark Live this year and had expressed his frustration at the insurance settlement process for the Parkville Farmers Market structure that was damaged by two wayward trucks last year. He explained that one of the damaging companies was balking at costs to repair/rebuild that slowed down the move to repair and replace.
Once that got settled, the city moved quickly with a new plan for the Farmers Market making the financial and planning moves to restore and enhance the market experience that has been relegated to a more open-air market since the structure was damaged.
It is an iconic type of experience that deserves quick and prompt attention, and the city is promoting a possible fall start to the project, hopefully with limited access for trucks to bash the structure and no “toe sucking” vendors.
Sorry about that, I misled you. I just can’t quit thinking about it.
I’ll be back next week with a toeless column. Foley will probably require it, unless he leans to the Rex Ryan side of things and then he’ll probably require I write more toe columns. I’ll have to check my pay “stub” to see if my short-lived toe fascination cost me.
(Guy Speckman cannot be reached, he is getting his toenails done)