It’s Christmas shopping season. I don’t know about you guys but I really miss Montgomery Ward.
Always interesting to watch the area prices on gasoline. On Saturday, the price of gas in Smithville was $2.63 per gallon, the price in St. Joseph was $2.85, and the price in Platte City was $3.05. And that price in Platte City was after the local retailers had just lowered it from $3.25 a day or two earlier.
Yikes. For whatever reason, the fuel retailers in Platte City continue to be very proud of their gasoline.
A Landmark reader told me the other day that every time she turns on one of the holiday channels this year a replay of that Weston Christmas movie from last year seems to be playing. She was not excited about it. This got me to thinking. . .
Now that we’re a year out from its first airing on Lifetime channel, can we all now openly admit that the “Rebuilding a Dream Christmas” movie filmed in Weston was one of the worst pieces of cinema you’ve ever seen?
I’m at that point. I hinted at it in the week after Christmas last year, but I didn’t blast it because I was being sensitive to any local folks who may have had roles as extras in the flick. Listen, it’s not your fault the movie sucked. All of the extras did a mighty fine job of standing in the background and smiling at appropriate times. You looked great. But in the name of Santa Claus, enough time has passed that we can now be refreshingly honest with each other about our feelings. Please don’t make me Rebuild that Christmas again this year. A prostate exam would be less uncomfortable.
That thing was bad. Painful, even. Admit it, it was the worst Hallmark-style cookie cutter film you’ve ever wasted two hours watching. The problem wasn’t that it was slow, the problem was that it was slooooow. Like Chris Kamler running a 100-yard dash.
You can disagree but you’d be an apologist who is wrong.
Don’t interpret this week’s comments the wrong way. As I said last December, it was cool seeing the local Weston scenes and Weston imagery in “Rebuilding a Dream Christmas.” And it was cool that they used “Weston” as the name of the town in the movie and it was certainly great advertising and public relations for the town of Weston. But lordy. I’m still congratulating myself for the patience I showed sitting through it.
I suggest any Platte County Jail inmates with behavioral problems be sent to an isolated room with the Weston Christmas movie playing on repeat. Guaranteed attitude adjuster. It’ll make them appreciate getting back into the jail’s general population. There is no charge for this idea. I’m just a problem solver willing to share my talents.
Sure, you might point out that I’m not a professional movie critic and you’d be correct. However, I don’t mean to brag but in 1981 I was named Best Supporting Actor for my role as Captain Brackett in my high school’s production of South Pacific. So, you know, maybe I’m feeling fully credentialed, deservingly or not.
Gonna blow you away with some pop culture knowledge this week. This will come as a surprise to Tech Man Schneider, our technological guru who incorrectly claims “Foley knows nothing about movies or pop culture.” That’s an extreme insult coming from a man who worships ridiculous sci-fi films and engages in make-believe light saber battles against himself. If he had said “Foley knows nothing about science fiction movies, nor does he care to” that would have been accurate.
•James Winburn, the actor and stuntman who portrayed killer Michael Myers in the first two “Halloween” movies, died Nov. 19. Believe it or not, he was 85 years old. That means he was 44 when the first Halloween movie came out in 1978. Just throwing in some math for funsies.
•An actor best known for his role in the “Power Rangers” franchise died Nov. 19. Tech Man Schneider watched “Power Rangers” well into adulthood and still carries a “Power Rangers” lunchbox. The actor, Jason David Frank, reportedly died by suicide at the age of 49. He appeared on the original “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” TV series from 1993-96, as well as in “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie” in 1995.
•Old time sports fans like me remember Phyllis George, a former Miss America who went on to become one of the first women in sportscasting in the 1970s by co-hosting the CBS pregame football show called “The NFL Today” with Brent Musburger and Irv Cross. Well, Phyllis George died May 14, 2020. In 1979 Phyllis George married a man named John Y. Brown, Jr., who became Kentucky’s governor after building empires in business and sports. Update: John Y. Brown died last week at the age of 88. In 1964 Brown had purchased Kentucky Fried Chicken (the entire corporation, not just a bucket of extra crispy) from Col. Harlen Sanders for $2 million. Brown then sold KFC seven years later for $275 million. He served as Kentucky governor from 1979 to 1983. He and Phyllis George were newlyweds when he was running for governor in 1979.
•George Lois was a hard-selling advertising guy who popularized catch phrases such as “I Want My MTV” and brand names such as “Lean Cuisine.” He died on Nov. 18 at the age of 91.
You’ll probably not be surprised to learn that there are several group text messages that go around among Landmark staffers each week. Most of these are not fit for publication but here’s an exchange I can tell you about. Tech Man Schneider, official grader of entries, let us know in a group text early Tuesday that page 3 columnist Brad Carl–our conspiracy theory specialist who denies most elections, COVID, and the existence of Santa Claus–is the latest winner of the popular Landmark Pick’em NFL prediction contest available each week at plattecountylandmark.com.
Columnist Guy Speckman delivered the perfect response to news of Brad Carl’s victory by texting: “Proves his NFL is rigged theory.”
(Get tips and life hacks via email to firstname.lastname@example.org)