I have bad news. I did not include my comma in the headline of a recent column. To refresh, I always include a comma. It’s a small remembrance of my mother, who often argued and cajoled with me over comma usage. I’ve included it since her passing in 2014. Well, anyway, I forgot the comma. I’d like to blame Foley, but last time I insulted him he went “red button” on me and blew me up in his column, so he’s not a good scapegoat candidate. I’ll shoulder the scorn. My mom wasn’t big on excuses. She was a “keep it real” kind of person who responded to my failures with motivational talks like “suck it up and get over it, life isn’t fair.”
The good news I have is that you ain’t scooting any crime by your local prosecutor. Nope. You know who noticed the missing comma? Platte County Prosecutor Eric Zahnd. He emailed me this weekend with news of the comma omission. Usually when officials of the court email me it includes pdf attachments signed by judges but this was a friendly reminder with no legal order that I appear before a judge. So, the good news is he reads the column, and his memory appears intact, and he apparently has some attention to detail to remember such an innocuous item from past columns. Anyway, don’t try sneaking any white-collar crime by this guy; he soaks up information like a damp, dirty sponge.
Let’s go with some more bad news. The state of emergency related to the pandemic is set to expire on Aug. 31 of this year. How can that be bad news, you ask? Lots of waived regulations and special exceptions are part of that state of emergency declaration. One of those is telemedicine. As part of Gov. Parson’s state of emergency in March of 2020, many regulations were waived that made it difficult to provide telemedicine services and many health care organizations quickly jumped on the process.
It has made “doctoring” much easier for Missourians. According to a recent article from the Show Me Institute, that will all be over on the 31st of August because no bills made their way through the legislature that made such practices legal permanently. There is no way that this should not be a priority for the legislature. The technology is available, and it is a proven way to deliver health care to the young and old and here’s hoping somebody important takes this task on in the next session of the legislature. I know we’re busy fighting over police boards and guns and such, but maybe something like medicine that impacts nearly every single Missourian could have its day.
Foley is in the dunk tank on the square this weekend. I have heard that he has petitioned the City of Platte City to monitor for any dunk tank throwers for “sticky substances” but has been rebuffed so far. If it’s hot out, there is a rather good chance of “sticky substances” and who is volunteering to check? DJ Gehrt is not going to be patting down the general public.
Honestly, I think sticky aids should be allowed. Whatever gives you a better shot of dropping him in the tank is probably fair game to any elected officials in a 50-mile radius so bring your best “throwing aids” and take a shot.
I’m more of a walk up and kick the target kind of guy, but we’ll have to see what security looks like. I’ve seen a couple of his grandsons and they look like they could take me.
(Guy Speckman can be reached at email@example.com or serving 30 days in the Platte County Jail for comma abuse)