Mr. Potato Head,

Mr. Potato Head

A little spring in the step this week. We’re just weeks away from complaining about the heat and lack of rain.


Speaking of complaining, you might read another column if you don’t like reading a grown man complain like a child. I’ve tried to back off the “woke” nature of the liberal agenda, but I’ve honestly had enough of this crazy stuff. Mr. Potato Head was the last straw. At the same time that my TV was playing testimony from a transgender nominee for assistant secretary at the Department of Health and Human Services, I saw the news that Mr. Potato Head was dropping the “Mr.,” so as not to offend someone, somewhere.

So, if I get all this straight, a dude that dresses like a woman being nominated for a leading role in our nation’s “health department” is not enough “woke” for us backward thinking people that think people are born with a gender. Now, Hasbro has dropped the “Mr.” and will roll out a new playset this fall without Mr. and Mrs. designations that will let kids create their own type of potato families, including two moms or two dads.

Just punch me in the face until all of this is over.


Honestly, Corporal Max Klinger was dressing up as a woman long before any of this was even a big deal. It was not even that big of a deal on the MASH series. He depicted a character in a series about the early 1950’s and was on network television in the 1970’s. Were we more woke and tolerant in 1970 than we are today with all the people screaming at us that we need to be more tolerant?


I’m not sure if Klinger was a cross dresser or transgender want to be, but either way, he was not near as good at his job as Radar O’Reilly was. That’s just a fact that I am not willing to debate. I’d also like to point out that Radar did not have two hands, but that is another story unrelated to transgendering.


I’m not sure I ever had a Mr. Potato Head as a child and It has me questioning the parental capabilities of my parents. The toy came out in 1952 and in the beginning they didn’t even supply you with a plastic potato. You had to bring your own to the party.

This is also all very confusing, because technically Mr. Potato Head died in a landfill incinerator at the end of Toy Story 3. Feel like that should have woken up the liberals more than the “Mr.,” but life comes at you fast.

Honestly, if we knew landfill incinerators were killing toys, shouldn’t we have tried to flatten that curve or something? At least shut down the economy to slow the curve? I’m getting all my issues mixed up.


Can you imagine being the poor kid that gets a Mr. Potato Head for Christmas in 1955 and your dang parents forget to get a sack of potatoes and the store isn’t open? The Dad would suggest something stupid like using green pepper or an empty Hamm’s can and the mom would be crying and trying to solve the poor kid’s problem by playing some other game the kid is not interested in. Those are the Christmas stories I can relate to.

(Guy Speckman can be reached gspeckman@me.com or playing with Mr. Potato Head)

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