Publisher Foley threw down on me in his column last week like I was the mayor of Parkville. He wrote that my Christmas bonus had been yanked and he filed a report with The Landmark HR Department over my lack of COVID diagnosis disclosure to him in a more timely manner. He ended with a Johnstonesque like late night email insult that called me No Respectman instead of my given name. I’m surprised he even authorized his printer to print my column. Honestly, anger is not a good look for him.
It was a scathing rebuke from a guy that is obviously suffering from pandemic stress. While I have empathy for his plight, I can’t be bullied in the workplace. I’m going to reach out to the prosecutor and see if The Landmark has violated employment law and encourage them to file charges ASAP. Nothing would make me and Nan happier than seeing Foley squaring off in a Platte County courtroom against the undefeated Eric Zahnd. Zahnd’s a true Republican and has God and Mitt Romney on his side, always. He was law and order before Donald Trump bankrupted his first casino. A few days in the county lockup might do Foley some good; the Platte County commissioners would obviously concur.
I’ll keep you updated.
Foley offered his medical acumen up in his column. I’d trust Foley to publish an award wining newspaper through a pandemic, snowstorm or a World War, but I ain’t trusting him with my medical issues. He’s written like 7,000 columns without missing a week since he was 12 years old, but he’s not fixing my toenail fungus. If you like your ailments treated by a newspaper man, text him pics of any strange growths or fungus you might have, and he’ll help you out. Telehealth is currently legal because of COVID, so you should be ok with your insurance; but you might check to be sure.
Foley mentioned Marcus Welby as one of his bastions of medical training and I can’t disagree more with that “medical knowledge tree.” Top five all time doctors:
1-Hawkeye Pierce
If you need surgery, Hawkeye is your guy. He could cut you open with a dull knife and remove key parts of you while making you laugh at the same time. He’s my pick in a true time of need.
2-Doogie Howser
Doogie was a child genius until he grew up and became Neil Patrick Harris. Doogie could operate on me, Neil, not so much.
3-Dr. Jeff Martin
Honestly, this guy has never gotten his due. Jeff Martin patrolled the halls of Pine Valley and married Erica Kane a couple of times, I think. Anyway, he was top notch medical provider on All My Children for years and I would trust him with anything medical, but I never trusted his kid, Tad.
4-Greg House
House spent a little too much time feeding his pain pill addiction but honestly if I have a weird virus swimming through my brain, I want this guy on the case. I say get him what he needs and let him solve my problem.
5-Dr. Meredith Grey
If I’m going to be stuck with a doctor for a few days, might as well be stuck with someone that’s as smart and good looking as her. If Foley and I are in the hospital at the same time, he can have Welby down on his wing, but I’m choosing Dr. Grey for my wing.
(Guy Speckman can be reached at gspeckman@me.com or watching Doogie Howser on repeat)
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