Here we go. Local elections are getting rolling, government is in full swing, which means they are gridlocked and we are preparing to emerge our beaten psyche from another Midwestern winter here in flyover territory.
Let’s get it! 2026 is ours for the taking.
Not sure why I’m embracing 2026 with such vigor, but I figure what can it hurt. I suspect my enthusiasm will be beaten down within a few weeks, so might as well put on a brave face.
One of the most interesting things that we will experience during the World Cup is going to be the clock. This isn’t football or baseball. This is truly a world event and for a month-long tournament, the World Cup has around the clock activity, nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If they truly gather 650k people in Kansas City for World Cup matches, then you can expect groups to be in restaurants and bars and such cheering for their respective teams, at odd times of day. Fox Sports has scheduled 340 hours of live programming for the tournament. Breakfast beers for everyone.
Kansas City will be allowing bars and restaurants to sell alcohol from 6 a.m. to 5 a.m. from June 11 to July 19 to accommodate the international fans that are not operating on our Midwestern clocks. If you’re on a bender, I’m not sure what to tell you to do from 5 a.m. to 6 a.m. and need a shot of whiskey, but I suppose restaurants and bars will use their ingenuity to work around the law.
That Pennsylvania vermin Phil has seen his shadow and apparently that means we have six more weeks of this nonsense before we can get ready for a month of all night benders in Kansas City. I’m not sure I trust that rat looking Phil. Seems like something that should be in a cage or a rifle scope and not on television screens. Anyway, he’s spoken by shadow and if you know one thing about the USA, it’s “trust the science,” so onward we proceed.
Nothing could go wrong if you bring 650K people in town and lift all your drinking laws, right? They’re building a special jail for the event, which seems odd. It’s a modular jail that is being built near Front Street and Interstate 435. It has been stated that the facility is to address “quality of life” crimes. I have absolutely no idea what a “quality of life” crime is, but I suppose I am willing to learn.
I work for my readers. I Googled this “quality of life” crime. Apparently, those are crimes like public intoxication, graffiti, loitering, and panhandling. I love government rebranding of crime. “Quality of life” crimes sound like they’re going to crack down on the homeless in the name of World Cup image, but that’s cynical speak from me. Believe what you like.
My all-time favorite government rebranding was for weeds. Remember when local government used to mow and weed their properties. Now, if it gets a little burdensome, they place a sign that says “wildflower mitigation area” or some such nonsense. Quite honestly, it’s just governance brilliance and I’m all for the new “quality of life” crimes.
(Guy Speckman can be reached avoiding any “quality of life” criminal acts)
