Not sure if you folks caught this one, but former McDonald’s fry cook and trash truck driver, turned United States President, Donald J Trump, addressed a group of owners, operators, and suppliers for McDonald’s last week. I can’t get through a single day without chuckling a little. The daily irony in which we are presented has convinced me that we are simply living in the sitcom of some other alternative universe, and I hope to some day see each and every episode.
Remember when Kamala Harris did not get a single primary vote for president, but also got to run for president? If you don’t remember, she lost and has now authored a book to lay the appropriate amount of blame. My eyebrows are too fat to read it, so I’ll probably just assume it is gibberish. Let me know otherwise.
Speaking of king making, remember when Bernie Sanders was on his way to winning the Democratic primary and they quietly ousted him out the back door to pave the way for Joe Biden? I’m beginning to question which party is the actual threat to democracy. One party has at least held legitimate primaries for their nominee. One party hasn’t done that for almost a decade now, but you do you.
Before you have a political rage fit and cancel me, I don’t really care about either party much anymore. Pretty disappointed in the fact that this country’s politicians spend so much time on so many things that don’t matter. They can’t do the simplest of their jobs and it has become frustrating to average people like me.
Speaking of things that don’t matter, Trump is hosting a UFC fight at the White House next year and I am all for this kind of nonsense. I’m going to pay for the pay per view on that bad boy and will be singing God Bless America as grown men pummel each other in front of politicians and world leaders. It will be glorious.
If you want to plan, it’s on Donald’s 80th birthday, June 14, 2026, which also happens to be the 250th anniversary of American Independence.
I don’t know if they’ve set up the undercard for this fight yet, but I have some Missouri based suggestions. I’d put up Missouri’s Sam Graves vs AOC on the house side. AOC has age on Sam, but he’s probably country tough. Would probably be a decent bout.
On the Senate Side, Josh Hawley is far too protein shake skinny and has too much east coast vibe for us to trot him into the Octagon. We gotta ride with Eric Schmitt on this one. Schmitt played football and baseball at Truman State, so he’s got some athletic ability. I’d like to see him pummel Chuck Schumer, but that’s for sure mismatch against a guy that can’t grill a burger, so I’d say Schmitt vs Cory Booker would be a good time. Booker played at Stanford, which makes Schmitt the underdog in this one.
I’m just here to help my country with these suggested undercards, no need to thank me for my service.
(Guy Speckman can be reached attending the Don King school of matchmaking)
