I have some pretty distressing news. I looked in the mirror this weekend and I’m pretty sure my ears are growing. Yeah, I’m getting old man ears and it hurt me to my core. Seems like just yesterday I was a normal dude with normal sized ears, some hair on top of my head and generally had life by the tail. Now here we are, long ears and all. Just sad.
I gather most of my medical advice from Google. By my count, I’ve had 10 or 12 major diseases this winter based on my iPad diagnosis. Anyway, I guess ears are supposed to grow. The people that study ear size say that they grow .51 mm per year. I don’t speak metric, but that seems excessive. Apparently, they’re kind of like boobs, gravity causes the cartilage in your ears and nose to break down and sag and here we are, long ears and all with not a solution in sight.
Seems like my hearing would be better with bigger ears, but that’s not true either. I feel like God was busy with Baby Jesus and didn’t get everything quite right with the end product for humans. I mean, the whole rib from the man thing just screams engineering mistake. Anyway, I’ve confused biology with religion now and probably made everyone turn away from this train wreck of a column. Hang in there, it will be over soon.
If our economy crashes, do you think we could borrow some money from Ukraine? Asking for a friend.
The Jackson County Assessor website had a red banner across it last week. The special message displayed in the banner indicated that the phone lines in their office were backed up because of all the calls about home value notices that had gone out. I’m telling you, this is going to be a brutal year for assessors. People out there minding their own business and their house values have shot through the sky and these notices are going to be shocking, nearly everywhere.
I think a good portion of my political stance on public education is misguided from having to learn the metric system as a child. Most people don’t get to live the third grade but once and I wasted a bunch of it while the schools and country tried to figure out we hated the metric system. I should probably get over it, but I doubt that is happening.
Americans have been rejecting European tendencies for years, it’s literally what we do, starting with the damn tea. They keep trying the soccer thing on us, but it’s had limited success, in my opinion.
Don’t come at me with your soccer hate. I’ve lived a lifetime of people overreacting to me not caring for soccer, I don’t like polo either, but nobody gets mad at me for saying that, not even the horses. Soccer people get offended like Whoopi Goldberg at a Trump Rally when anything even remotely negative about the sport is uttered. We can love different things. It’s legal as of the writing of this column.
Been spending my time following new KCI reviews. Lots of people complaining about the lack of maintenance already. Trash cans overflowing and such. The mayor has acknowledged that the tile floors are already scratched up and they are seeking a “solution” from the contractor. Somebody find out how many “meters” of tile we got in that place. Hey, but you got some nice art and a phone charger. Carry on.
(Guy Speckman can be reached studying the metric system)