Gotta admit I’m shocked that our columnist Hearne Christopher on page 3 did not have a piece this week about the latest douchebaggery with Jackson Mahomes, a bad TikTok dancer you may have heard of.
You gotta believe that one’s coming soon. Stay tuned to future Hearne columns.
Just into Between the Lines headquarters via text: Hearne has found Heidi Fleiss, the former Hollywood madam who is the topic of his “where is she now?” piece on page 3 this week. I won’t spoil the goods but check back next week for Hearne’s report on where he found Heidi and what she’s up to.
Now a Between the Lines writing tip for you. I’ve passed this along in a prior column but just in case anyone needs to hear it again:
Don’t use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.
This isn’t particularly newsworthy but I thought it was interesting. I just read some statistics about birthdays in the United States. August is the most common birth month, with an average of 361,709 August babies each year in the U.S. February is the least common birth month with 316,891 babies born in that month each year.
What day of the week is the most common day for births in our country? Your correct answer is Tuesday.
It’s college basketball tournament time and let me say I don’t hate it. My favorite months of the year are October–for the weather–and March, for the basketball. It has been a very active past few months in my family circle. Hoping to be able to get a few hours in front of the TV during tourney time. Brackets are announced on Sunday, you guys.
By the way, we are not running a March Madness bracket contest this year at The Landmark but if you have one going in your world and would like a chance to kick my ass please email me (ivan@plattecountylandmark.com) a link to enter. I’ll say yes to as many of you as I can. Just be prepared to get roasted if you invite me to enter and then I accidentally take you to the cleaners.
The past couple months I’ve been able to sneak in a visit or two to Hollywood Casino in KCK to place some futures bets on the NCAA championship tournament. We can’t yet do this in Missouri but Tony Luetkemeyer says he is working on it.
Here are the futures wagers I have made on teams to win the national title.
*I risked $25 on Kentucky at 50-1 odds. Potential payout is $1,275.
This wager, which is my favorite, was made way back on Jan. 28 when Kentucky was looking like crap. In other words, I doubt you can still get them at 50-1 because they’ve been playing better as of late but you should still be able to get them at a nice payout number. The Wildcats, after a disappointing regular season, have enough talent to rise up and win the whole thing. It’s worth a pizza money investment.
*I risked $20 on UConn at 25 to 1. Potential payout $520.
*I risked $20 on Arizona at 16 to 1. Potential payout $340.
*I risked $20 on UCLA at 11 to 1. Potential payout $240.
*I risked $10 on Arkansas at 50 to 1. Potential payout $510.
There you have it. Risking only $95 for a few weeks of fun watching hoops. Hopefully one of those five teams will win the whole thing.
Last month my wife and I took a road trip to Tennessee to see one of our granddaughters compete in a gymnastics event in Pigeon Forge and to spend some time with the fam before and during the event. Had a great time. It was a good trip out. It’s about a 12-hour drive to their home which is in a suburb of Knoxville. Sometimes we motor straight through, other times we’ll break it up with an overnight stop in Illinois. On the way out, I handled the entire 12 hours behind the wheel, prompting my wife to ask if I no longer trusted her driving. Of course I do, but it was raining a good part of the way and I always want to be the driver when traffic conditions are less than ideal. Maybe it’s a control thing. Maybe it’s a guy thing. My kids would call it a dad thing.
We started the drive back home on that Sunday, traveled about seven hours and spent the night in Illinois. That left five hours remaining to travel on that Monday, which was Presidents Day. I told my wife she could take the first driving shift. About 2-3 hours later we were motoring along pretty good when talk began of finding an exit for gas/snacks. We debated about an exit or two, then made a choice when I noticed a sign for a Dairy Queen. Ice cream is a longtime Foley weakness.
Speaking of hitting the spot. At the end of the exit ramp was a stoplight. We were stopped waiting to turn left, which would take us in the direction of the DQ. From the passenger’s seat, I was gazing to the right, checking out what local options were on that side of the interstate. We were at I-70 and Hwy. 54. I would later find out we were at a little town called Kingdom City, population 128.
Our stoplight then turned green. In a couple of seconds the trip home would become more than we bargained for.
I don’t have space to finish the story this week so we’ll pick it up in the next Between the Lines. I hate to leave you hanging so I’ll give you some hints: chapter two will involve an inattentive young driver, four law enforcement officers, one ambulance, a tow truck, and–just for funsies–an aggressive panhandler inserts herself into the mix.
(Ivan Foley advises you not to take dance lessons from Jackson Mahomes or love lessons from Heidi Fleiss)