I just saw a television advertisement for the United States Postal Service, and I had a flashback to a decade or so ago when I made fun of the United States Postal Service for sponsoring a bike team led by Lance Armstrong. To be honest, that sponsorship did not work out really well. Lance cheated and such and I don’t think that helped get the mail delivered.
So here we are again. USPS not getting better at actually delivering mail, but they’re buying advertising on ESPN to tell you how good they are at delivering the mail. The modern world is caught between a weird juxtaposition between image and productivity and image appears to be winning.
This seems like a great time to tell you what a great column this is going to be. If Foley would put some print ads in the paper for me, I could join the image train and really improve this gibberish. Sadly, neither my image nor this column will likely improve as you make your way down the page. It’s a holiday week and you’re getting holiday effort.
Speaking of juxtapositions, many Native Americans view Thanksgiving as a day of mourning and protest since it commemorates the arrival of settlers in North America and the centuries of oppression and genocide that follows.
Ouch. That’s gonna make it a little harder for your turkey to go down on Thursday. Honestly, the Native Americans did not know we were going to get NFL football with the feast, so that might have changed their opinion of this little celebration, but I’m not sure if that makes up for oppression and genocide. My guess is that it does not.
Generally speaking, many of my family feel similar about any event I show up at, similar to the settlers showing up on Native American lands. Generally, depression and feelings of oppression are pretty typical at most family events I attend. But I like to point out that you can’t choose your family.
Just a bit of anecdotal data on USPS advertising. Took approximately eight calendar days to get my Landmark last week. While I will acknowledge that it was a 10-mile trek over some hilly region, seems like modern day organizations could traverse that with a moderate sized package in less than eight days, but maybe they spent all the money on advertising.
Don’t send me defensive emails about USPS employees that work hard, etc. My complaints are not with the rank-and-file employees. This organization has some structural issues that obviously overshadow the abilities and work ethic of the best employees.
It is a writers fraternity rule that Thanksgiving columns must include things the writer is thankful for. I’m thankful for Patrick Mahomes, mostly. I’m also thankful for Twitter and TikTok, both contribute significantly to my sad daily existence. Did I mention I’m thankful for Patrick Mahomes? I’m also thankful for Andy Reid. I have anticipatory thankfulness for any individual that is less than 80 years old that runs for president of the United States in 2024.
I’m mostly thankful that this column is complete.
(Guy Speckman cannot be reached. He is working on his image)