Foley told a Landmark Live guest the other day that I wrote a “humor” column for your Landmark. I had no idea. I thought I was in charge of bad political takes and right-wing conspiracies and turns out I was in charge of humor. I guess the joke’s on me.
Brings to mind the old saying, “If you’re playing poker and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.”
Honestly this is familiar territory for me, I’ll press onward.
The City of Kansas City has an “Infrastructure Czar.” I had no idea such a position existed and that one was even needed. Chief Innovation Officer Melissa Kozakiewicz, an assistant city manager, has this unofficial title.
Anyway, it was announced that the City of Kansas City has hired a “Fellow” to collaborate with the Czar to streamline and improve its non-car transportation systems ahead of the World Cup. This is not an inappropriate pronoun usage, this is a real life “Fellow,” someone of such distinction in their field that it rises above consultant or employee.
Read that again, slowly. A city that has problems getting the streets plowed has appointed a Czar and hired a Fellow to improve “non-car” transportation.
Was George Jetson unavailable?
The city hired Andrew Ngui to provide this service. Andrew comes to our area from Peoria, where he was the director of the Peoria Economic Development Council’s Office of Innovation. According to the City of Kansas City, Andrew will focus on the corridors from Kansas City International Airport to downtown and downtown to the Truman Sports Complex, “specifically prioritizing innovations in transportation which could include multi-modal options.”
The city further elaborates on this plan by saying Andrew would work with city officials and other community stakeholders — specifically private custodians of trails on public land, environmental justice groups and transit-focused community groups as well as the general public — to help chart a path forward for green transportation in Kansas City.
I am not even sure what any of that means. Fairly sure they may have to hire another “fellow” of the regular variety to translate what you are getting for your money on this other “Fellow” because none of this made its way through my common sense filter.
I think this means they are going to use more electric vehicles and stuff cause horseback seems like a poor option, but you’d have to ask the Czar or Fellow or somebody that is obviously much smarter than me because none of this is clear, I’m just hoping they can clear the snow this winter.
Don’t bring your soccer hate to my doorstep. I’m all giddy about World Cup soccer for Kansas City, so don’t twist the facts. Well, that’s not true. I’m not giddy about World Cup, but I get the impact and accomplishment to host such an event. It’s a noticeably big deal that even a simple guy like me understands, even without having to consult a Fellow.
I’m officially asking Foley to name me the Column Czar of the Landmark. That would be nifty. He’ll probably need to hire a Fellow to consult him on this decision. Apply at the Landmark website.
(Guy Speckman can only be reached by driving a combustible engine vehicle to his locale)