t’s summer and suddenly I’m a little bored, honestly. Quick, somebody do something. Entertain me.
Well here’s something. Monday night the planet Jupiter was so close to the earth we were told we could see Jupiter and its moons with nothing but binoculars. At least that’s what some scientist was saying. Or maybe it was Bryan Busby, not sure, I was half asleep and not really paying attention.
I grabbed some binoculars and stepped outside. Sure enough, I could see Jupiter. At least that’s my story. Honestly I don’t know what the hell I was looking at. It was some distant sparkly thing in the sky. Could have been the light on somebody’s ceiling fan about three miles to the south. But sure, Jupiter. That’s what it was.
Anyway, that was fun. I’m just happy I didn’t see Uranus.
I’m like several paragraphs into this non-award winning column and still a little bored, honestly.
Oh well, it’s summer and we’ve got nasty-ass hot and grossly humid weather to look forward to. So we’ve got that going for us.
Ahh, summer. Hot and sticky days where your deodorant is running down your arm by mid-morning. The aroma of human body odor to catch your attention as you walk through crowded public places. Hot heads with short tempers getting even hotter headed in the heat. Pesky mosquitoes, including the one that gets in the house and buzzes around your ear just as you’re trying to fall asleep, so you spend the rest of the night scratching body parts that don’t even itch yet.
Ahh, summer. Creepy June bugs. Painful sunburns. Crappy Royals baseball. Weeds. Poison ivy. The annoying guy in the neighborhood shooting off fireworks in the middle of the night. Every neighborhood has that guy, I think it’s mandated in the constitution. Or your HOA covenants. Trust me on this. If you think your neighborhood doesn’t have that guy then you’re probably that guy.
Ahh, summer. Where ya been? How soon ya leavin?
Things are starting to look up but frankly I’m still a little bored.
Maybe what we need is a good celebrity sighting. When was the last time you saw a celebrity in Platte County? Unless you guys are out there keeping secrets from me, I feel like we’re getting short-changed in the celebrity sighting department.
What gives? Are they boycotting us? What did we ever do to them to deserve the cold shoulder?
On a recent Landmark Live, we asked one of the management peeps at the KCI Marriott to give us the name of a famous person or group that had stayed at the hotel. After much contemplation, her answer was Bernie Sanders.
I rest my case. Lordy, do we need a slump buster in the celebrity sighting department.
Would you speak to a famous celebrity if you randomly bumped into them? And if so, what would you say?
I was thinking about this the other night. I know, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about weird stuff. It’s a blessing and a curse. Mainly a curse. It’s how the idea for Landmark Live was born. I apologize.
Like if I bumped into Mick Jagger I’d say: “I know it’s only rock-n- roll but I like it.”
If I bumped into Billy Joel, I’d be all like: “Man, what are you doing here?”
If I bumped into Paul Simon I’d get kind of a creepy crazy look in my eye and say: “Hello darkness, my old friend.”
If I bumped into Rihanna I’d give her some who’s-your-daddy swag and say:“You wanna find love in a hopeless place?”
If I ever bump into Sting the go-to line will be “I’ll be watching you.”
When I bump into Britney Spears: “Hit me baby one more time.”
If I bumped into Taylor Swift: “Why you gotta be so mean?” (If you have followed my personal Facebook page for several years you know this is one celebrity I have actually met, and she was super nice, not mean. But I’m still gonna say it. Gotta break the ice somehow, guys.)
Yeah, suddenly it’s summer. But I’m not as bored now.
Well, that’s it for me. Gonna take my horse to the old town road and ride till I can’t no more.
(Even when he’s bored, even when it’s summer and he’s sweaty, you can get more from Foley on Twitter @ivanfoley or on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and YouTube. Or try to catch him staring at Jupiter, not your Uranus. Email email@example.com)