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by Brian Kubicki
Landmark columnist


Mainstream media has ignored more than 400 scientists

Posted 12/27/07

•Merry Christmas to all and to all a good morning! (I'm writing this Saturday morning, so forgive the groggy thoughts.) I'm listening to chef Jasper Mirabile's cooking and food show on 710 KCMO this morning and he has Mike Murphy and actor Jeff East (he played the adolescent Superman in the '70's movie starring Christopher Reeve), and it is the most entertaining radio talk show in the area.

•Did you notice that more than 400 scientists have challenged claims by former Vice President Al Gore and the United Nations about the threat of man-made global warming? Funny. That wasn't picked-up by the mainstream media.

The scientists, many of whom are current or former members of the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) that shares the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize with Mr. Gore for publicizing a climate crisis, cast doubt on the "scientific consensus" that man-made global warming threatens the continued existence of the planet.
"I find the Doomsday picture Al Gore is painting a six-meter sea level rise, 15 times the IPCC number entirely without merit," said Dutch atmospheric scientist Hendrik Tennekes, one of the researchers quoted in the report.

Once again…none of this was picked-up by the mainstream media.

Sen. James M. Inhofe of Oklahoma, who is the ranking Republican on the Environment and Public Works Committee, observed that the report debunks Mr. Gore's claim that the "debate is over." What scientific debate is “over?” I mean…really.

After a quick review of the report, Gore spokeswoman Kalee Kreider said 25 or 30 of the scientists may have received funding from Exxon Mobil Corp. Oooh…that’s damning alright. Give me a break!

Exxon Mobil spokesman Gantt H. Walton dismissed the accusation, saying the company is concerned about climate-change issues and does not pay scientists to bash global-warming theories. I could see Exxon-Mobile saying in some boardroom high aloft the Texas plains, “Let's pay some scientists to tell the world we aren't destroying the earth. That way when the earth does explode, it will soften the blow on the people.”

You just gotta laugh at liberals.

•Lynne Spears' book about parenting has been delayed indefinitely, her publisher said Wednesday. No one would go on the record whether the delay was connected to the revelation that Spears' 16-year-old daughter, Jamie Lynne, is pregnant. (Nah, couldn't be related to that.)

The book is entitled, "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World" was initially scheduled for release May 11, Mother's Day. Spears, the mother of three children with ex-husband Jamie Spears, definitely has some stories to tell after raising children under a massive glare of media watchfulness.

The really idiotic part of this is the now-impregnated Spears, star of Nickelodeon's "Zoey 101," is being considered by Nickelodeon as the subject of a “teaching lesson” for the network to address the subject of teen pregnancy for the young fans of the show.

Are you kidding me? Why does the entertainment industry always think it is their responsibility to teach responsibility? That's kind of like asking Steven Hawking to teach dance classes.

•And they are trying to charge Spears' 19-year old boyfriend and father of the child, Casey Aldridge, with statutory rape. I think their only chance is if they can prove the girl was impregnated in the state of Tennessee.

•And on that subject, if there is any family deserving to be cut some slack re: pregnancies to unwed mothers, it is one who has access to millions of dollars at a moment's notice. If they want to raise their clan in this manner, who am I to say no? At least they aren't killing the babies.

•Finally, I need to know something. Lynne Spears is being excoriated for her daughter being pregnant at 16. She's a “bad mother,” they say. “She has raised irresponsible tramps.” Where is the news story about the parents of the baby's father, Mr. Aldridge. It's that double standard again.

•Pox on Congress and pox on President Bush for mandating that automakers be forced to make cars achieve 35 mpg average fuel efficiency. You people don't know what you are doing. Automakers should make cars more efficient because the market makes it profitable for them to do so. They're going to take this to the point where we're propelled down the road at 55 miles per hour in a 250 horsepower engine in a car with the crash resistance of a pop can. All to save the world from a threat that does not exist. I hope every mother's son of them spends eternity burning in hell fueled by the heat of my built-up consternation.

•And for the nice Christmas topic of the week, syphilis is back: The sexually transmitted disease long associated with 19th Century bohemian life is making a comeback in Europe. The disease used to be rare, thanks to modern medicine.

Most cases of syphilis are in men, and experts point to more risky sex among gay men as the chief cause for the resurgence. But more cases are being seen among heterosexuals, both men and women, too.

A little history: syphilis was the sexual scourge of the 19th Century, and is believed to have killed artists like poet Charles Baudelaire, composer Robert Schumann, and painter Paul Gauguin. But the widespread use of penicillin in the 1950s all but wiped it out in the Western world.

In the last decade, however, syphilis has unexpectedly returned, driven by risky sexual behavior and outbreaks in major cities across Europe, including London, Amsterdam, Paris and Berlin. In Britain, syphilis cases have leapt more than tenfold for men and women in the past decade to 3,702 in 2006. Among men in England, the syphilis rate jumped from one per 100,000 in 1997 to nine per 100,000 last year alone. Among German men, the rate was fewer than two per 100,000 in 2003, to six per 100,000.

France had 428 cases in 2003, almost 16 times the number just three years earlier, so we know where this apparently all started (another reason to hate the French!). Similar trends have been seen in the United States.

In 2000, syphilis infection rates were so low that the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention embarked on a plan to eliminate the disease. But, no doubt sensing the threat, human irresponsibility stepped to the fore. About 9,800 cases were reported in 2006.

Though these days it mainly affects urban gay men, experts worry that the disease could also rebound in the general population if stronger efforts to fight it are not taken soon. I think it would also help (And be more effective) if people would stop running around on their spouses and try monogamy for a change!

•I need another week on my Big 12 basketball predictions Kansas is losing at home to Miami of Ohio.

See you in 2008!

(Reach Brian Kubicki anytime at


Can Herm Edwards really be so public relations stupid?

Posted 12/24/07

•I realize that this is a week late, but did I hear Herm Edwards tells Chiefs fans in his weekly press conference “to get over it” regarding fans' chagrin over the team losing 6 straight games? Are you kidding me!? Did he really say that the people who have suffered longest, for the least reward, and with the greatest degree of patience-without-redemption of any fan-base throughout the entire NFL have got to learn to LIVE…WITH…IT? I'm almost convinced he's actually trying to speed his way out of KC. Can he be that P.R. Stupid?

•Now that we are entering the heating season, let's talk refrigerant. It won't be too technical, I promise. Refrigerant is the “fuel” that drives the cooling of your home and car when temperatures are high outside. Every air conditioner and every refrigerator-freezer has a run of copper tubing that runs between a compressor and the coil and a couple of valves inside the house. Inside that copper tubing is a liquid-gas compound that gets really cold and then warm as it is run through these devices.

The point of course, is heat transfer. The refrigerant liquid-gas stays inside that tubing for a very long time. Sometimes, a tiny leak will allow a little bit of that refrigerant out into the atmosphere. But for the most part, unless you are really diligent in your air conditioner maintenance, most of the refrigerant stays out of the atmosphere.

Now, did you know that there are people out there (Al Gore) that believe the tiny bit of refrigerant that gets into the atmosphere is causing a hole in the earth's ozone layer? As a matter of fact, these folks have so hoodwinked the liberal socialist part of the world, they have convinced entire governments to stop making certain kinds of refrigerants and certain kinds of compressors.

Acting in accordance with an international treaty called the Montreal Protocol, the U.S. EPA (one department I would eliminate in a heartbeat were I President) has mandated the eventual phase-out of R22 refrigerant. By 2010, the manufacturing of heating and cooling equipment using R22 will be prohibited, and by 2020 the production of R22 itself must cease. There are many, many R22-driven refrigeration systems out there. Many are going to have to be replaced before their natural lives are over, or face being recharged with ever-rapidly-increasing old stockpiles of R22. And of course, many, many air conditioner sellers are more than happy to sell you a new compressor at a moment's notice to avoid those nasty high old refrigerant re-charge costs. Ahhh…the natural wonder of capitalism!

The main “brass-tacks” reason for this regulatory action is “…that R22 is a hydrochlorofluorocarbon (HCFC) compound, which contains ozone-depleting chlorine….” They say chlorine, yes that stuff we douse our swimming pools and laundry with, is the real demon. Chlorine? What about all the chlorine that goes into water treatment systems in huge reservoirs at the water plants? What about every single home that has a swimming pool? Hell, I personally have farted more methane into the atmosphere than the sum total of all the R22 that has leaked into the atmosphere around the entire country.

The politics of scale. This is all about the politics of scale. If they can scare you into more taxes, or a new compressor, using a fear most of us do not understand then they feel their actions are justified.

•Joe Horn, the septuagenarian in Houston that shot and killed two burglars with his shotgun that were trying to break-in to his neighbor's home, is about the coolest guy to flash across the media screen in the life of 24-hour media. They're toying with the idea of charging him? To hell with that! I want to give this hero the inaugural Charlie Bronson Award of Freedom.

•Jennifer Love Hewitt was complaining recently when somebody photographed her from behind in less-than-model-trim shape (Actually, she looked like she was smuggling saddlebags of cottage cheese in the back of her bathing suit, but I digress…) and then shot the photos across the blogosphere. An enraged Hewitt shot back, decrying the evil standard setup for young women in society that requires them to be thin to an unrealistic degree. She told those women with boobs and a butt to go ahead and stretch into their bikinis and start cavorting on the beach without remorse.

You know, on the surface without perspective I agree with Ms. Hewitt. We are too tough on our young women in asking them to starve themselves in order to have the proper shape. But that argument would be more convincing coming from Jennifer Love Hewitt if she hasn't been plastered across the internet for the last 10 years hawking skimpy wares in a body that would make a garden rake suck-in its stomach. She made a lot of money advertising that shape. If she wants to “enjoy” it now by living a little, good for her. Just don't turn on the people that bought all that crap you sold with the tiny body now that you are embarrassed to be caught with your hand in the vat of ice cream.

•Next week is my Big 12 basketball finish predictions. You will be surprised at my No. 1 pick coming out of the regular season.

(Brian Kubicki brings you a weekly surprise with his Parallax Look. Surprise him with an email to


Come on, Paul Morrison, employees sometimes eat lunch at their desks!

Posted 12/13/07

•National polls on the presidential election are irrelevant. They keep popping-up on every political news channel and all they measure is how the popular vote might look nationally which, as Al Gore will tell you, is not a good predictor of who will win the election.
(Hint: look-up “ELECTORAL COLLEGE.”)

•The world of Kansas Attorney General Paul Morrison appears to be crumbling down around him like Fred Phelps’ clan melting in a vat of sulfuric acid.

A sexual affair with an employee in the Johnson County District Attorney’s Office that carried-on for two years has been revealed and the woman is claiming Morrison pressured her to use her ties to the Johnson County District Attorney’s Office to gain him an advantage against his enemy in the Johnson County DA’s office.

There have been a ton of observations on talk radio and in the blogs about this and it’s going to have a very long shelf life, I’m guessing.

The best two I saw are: Morrison said on Sunday in response to the allegations that he has been working for the past year to heal his broken marriage over this issue. But the affair allegedly ended only last month according to the woman involved. He must not have been too singularly focused on the healing process during that year.

The second one involved the specific allegations that the two had been “engaged” physically during the affair in a number of offices in the Johnson County Courthouse that were not specifically theirs – like a judge’s office and an attorney’s office. You know, people sometimes eat lunch at their desks. That’s just gross!

•Have you noticed that whenever the Chiefs do something bad, like play football, Herm Edwards just kind of talks about it in the third-person narrative, kind of like none of it is his doing?

•As I “pen” this, the ice storm of 2007 is rolling through town and weather forecasters are falling all over each other to try and claim title to the actual temperature that was going to be achieved tonight and the impact of that measurement on the degree of icing to occur. The most laughable part of the whole thing is they were arguing over a mere 2-3 degrees.
One guy says 29, another says 31, and a third says 30. Folks – their daily predictions of temperature are never that close. Nobody can predict temperature that accurately.

•Where is global warming when you need it? I made my carbon footprint as large as possible Monday in an effort to raise the temperature.

You’re welcome.

•Michael Vick was sentenced Monday to 23 months in federal prison for his role in running a dog fighting operation. Still amazing to me that were he fighting rats, he’d be playing football today.

•Mike Huckabee’s meteoric rise in the polls continues as we crawl within a month of the first Presidential primaries. This is not going to last.

People are bored and distracted by Christmas. The fact that Huckabee is an ordained minister and the date proximity to the most popular religious holiday of the year is no coincidence when you look at the polls.

You know what happens when the New Year rolls around? People realize they have to pay for Christmas. Watch for Huckabee’s numbers to shrink as the year turns.

•Al Gore accepted his part of the Nobel Prize (He shared it with the IPCC, which I believe stands for the Incontinent People who Cackle about Climate) this week and good golly he is getting large! I’m guessing, but Al has to be pushing three bills! His morning methane-laden flatulence blasts have got to be opening a hole in the ozone where he walks.

•Incidentally, for the record, the Nobel Prize has become a political joke in recent years. United Nations panels have won several in recent years. Yes, that’s the same UN that has been embroiled in the Oil for Food Scandal and the Congo Rape Scandals (Whatever happened to that? See for a refresher.)

•For the record, the earth is a little bit warmer over the last 50 years or so down close to the ground – but not up in the atmosphere. The warming is not caused by mankind.

•Big 12 basketball is nearing the end of the non-conference schedules. Kansas and Texas are tops in the conference. Texas A&M looks tough. Oklahoma is intriguing. Missouri is as tough defensively as any team in the conference. Kansas State is the most interesting to watch because they have what will likely be the National Player of the Year in Michael Beasley. Every team in the Big 12 has at least one “quality’ win. This should be a very competitive Big 12 basketball season.

(Brian Kubicki has a very long shelf life as our Parallax Look columnist. Reach him at


When it comes to candidates, Huckabee is just like George W. Bush, so why the love?

Posted 12/6/07

•The BCS is a sham. I say that every year at this time because every single year the money people behind the college football bowl system use the stupidest method possible to determine who is the best team in college football.

This year is the poster child. Everybody but Hawaii is undefeated. (And they are really good!) But the undefeated team isn’t even one of the two teams in the game that are supposed to be playing for the championship. One of the teams in the “championship” game didn’t even play in a conference championship game! They shouldn’t even be considered. If you play in a championship game, you have earned a benefit. Testing yourself in a manner others don’t shouldn’t hurt you in the long run.

Hell, why play anybody tough in the non-conference? Decline to play in the conference championship. MU would have been better off.

This whole thing is just ignorant. There’s no defense. Defending the BCS is like nominating any episode of The View for an Emmy Award – like judging the least-offensive smelling pile of dog poo – why bother?

Missouri lost to OU, as I predicted, but since they beat Kansas, they should have been selected for a BCS bowl – especially instead of the Jayhawks who they beat nine days previous. Yeah, I know, they say that the BCS is about matchups and not necessarily about the best teams. Well, at least they are consistent in that thought, because LSU and Ohio State (screw that THE Ohio State garbage – that’s dumb!) certainly aren’t the two best teams in the nation. That much we know for sure.

•You know what, this is kind of outside my frame of reference, but light rail is not needed in Kansas City. We are a metropolitan area of approximately 1.2 to 1.3 million people if you count everybody — O.K. 2 million if you add more outlying counties – but by that count, Chicago might fall into the KC population.

The problem is the City of Kansas City Missouri is stupid enough to allow a petition campaign require only 4,000 signatures in order to gain approval to be placed on the ballot. Hell, that’s easy. I could get anything passed with that criterion. As a matter of fact, here’s my favorite alternate proposals that need to get passed and would get huge support if they got on the ballot:

1. All women under the age of 50 should receive breast implants. I say 50 because Kim Delaney was on the cover of one of those women’s magazines in the supermarket check-out line and she looks hot at 50.

2. Parents shall have GPS devices implanted in their children’s bodies when they are sexually mature. The connected internal taser would be an option that parents could choose to have added.

3. The Chiefs’ Herm Edwards would be forced to restore the parts of the Vermeil Playbook that he took out because he thought it was too risky. This garbage about making plays is classic defensive coach-speak for a coach that doesn’t understand offensive scheming in football.

4. Clay Chastain would be banned from setting foot into any part of Kansas City Proper.

•Mike Huckabee seems to be the Flavor of the Month in the liberal media and in the polls, at least in Iowa.

Why? I thought the media, and conservatives in general, hated George W. Bush. Mike Huckabee is George W. Bush. He is socially conservative and fiscally liberal-leaning. He supported tax increases as governor of Arkansas. He is in favor of some form of amnesty for illegal immigrants.

I thought we were trying to distance the party’s nomination from moderate conservatives?

•Any religious voter that believes Mormonism, the religion of Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, is a cult needs to look in the mirror and at their own religion.

People call religions cults when they feel threatened by the apparent ferventness of that faith’s flock. It’s really nothing more than that.

A cult is defined, generally, as any belief system that requires absolute adherence to certain specific criteria. All organized religion meets that definition, at least to some degree.

•Well, now that college football is behind us, time to start focusing our sporting eyes on college basketball. The Big 12 is becoming very interesting. I won’t get into game predictions until the conference season starts, but here are the headlines so far:

Kansas is going to be in the top 3 in the polls and is looking as strong as ever. When Collins returns to the backcourt, they’re going to be hard to trip-up.

Texas just knocked-off top ranked UCLA in Westwood. Yes, the Texas that just lost the best player in college basketball to the NBA. Texas looks every bit as good as Kansas.


Texas A&M was in the top ten of the polls before losing last week to Arizona.

The rest of the league, thus far anyway, looks better – with the possible exception of Oklahoma State which is having some issues. Kansas State has the best all-around player in all of college basketball mixed in with the poorest group of shooters this side of a Don Knotts movie. As a result, Michael Beasley is leading the nation in rebounding and has already set the Big 12 freshman rebounding record for a single game.

Beasley will only be around the NCAA for a year, so catch him when you can. He’s a good one.

(Brian Kubicki makes plays for Team Landmark 52 weeks a year. Reach him at


Autism isn't really what public schools are telling you that it is

Posted 11/29/07

I caught, while perusing my favorite newspaper, The Landmark, the story about the Park Hill School Board hearing a report on autism. (See last week’s edition, Page B1.) In the report, the board was told that Autism diagnoses have increased by 2000 percent over a 10 year period. The reasons given for the increase (of course, environmental exposure factors was one of them!) completely avoided the fact that the DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is a mental health handbook that lists different categories of mental disorders and criteria for diagnosing them, according to the American Psychiatric Association) changed the definition of Autism to include children with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Kids exhibiting Asperger’s traits are typically socially inept, have difficulty reading non-verbal communication without instruction, and have difficulty integrating socially. Notice I said, “difficulty” not “inability.” They can be as intelligent or average intellectually as any other group of kids. Having Asperger’s traits is no more like having Autism than having a daydream is akin to being schizophrenic.

The important thing to remember is most kids typically associated with Autism (now called “Low-Functioning Autism”) are profoundly disabled mentally. Kids exhibiting Asperger’s traits are not. They are often linked with so-called, “High-Functioning Autism” but such a tie has not been proven. There is even evidence that the label has wrongly become a catch-all diagnosis for badly-behaved children. In 2000 in Great Britain, the lead clinician and autism specialist at Northgate and Prudhoe NHS Trust in Morpeth, Dr. Tom Berney, published a paper commenting on this. He wrote in the British Journal of Psychiatry: “There is a risk of the diagnosis of autism being extended to include anyone whose odd and troublesome personality does not readily fit some other category. Such over-inclusion is likely to devalue the diagnosis to a meaningless label.”

Kids with Asperger’s traits do not need to be segregated from other students. They can learn normally. As long as parents are aware what they are working with, a kid with Asperger’s traits can have a normal educational career. The problems occur when the school districts try to interject their definitions of “normal” into the lives of these kids. The social stigma such a designation carries with it is the worst effect these kids face.

It is further unfortunate that these kids, and what we have learned about social intelligence and awareness, has become the next leverage public schools have used to squeeze more funds out of government. Isn’t that what it always comes back to in public education?
If any of you parents are facing Asperger’s and the public school system, email me. I would be pleased to be of assistance in any way possible. It isn’t what they are telling you it is.

•December is going to be a rowdy month in the political campaigns. The Democrats are going to have four debates. The Republicans will have three debates. Both sides are hosting particular battles within their respective parties. The Democrats are seeing Hillary Clinton try to fend off the advances (How’s that for an unlikely illustration?) of the men trailing close behind her. The Republicans are trying to stay united against The Pant-suited Beast in Comfortable Shoes while also trying to gain a foothold that can be maintained from one week to the next. This is going to be a fun week politically.

•Have you ever noticed that those On-Star commercials illustrating the service’s ability to help you by calling for an ambulance when you’re in an auto accident always involve women? I’ve yet to hear a man in one of those spots. Now, is that because women are notoriously bad drivers, or is it because men never ask for help?

•It’s been nice reading Greg Hall’s Off the Couch columns these past few days. I forgot how much I missed those media sound bite recaps penned with Hall's acerbic observations. The original is MUCH better than the imitator column Jeffrey Flanagan of the Star tries to pass off as entertainment each week after Chiefs’ games.

•By the way, about our local dog poop picker-upper (“Fish wrap” is so dated!): I have heard that the tree-killing version of the newspaper will not use the word “Redskins” for the name of the Washington, DC NFL franchise. Their policy is to avoid the word because it is supposedly insensitive to the race of the various Indian tribes that populated this land in North America before the European settlers moved in.

Whatever – it’s an old, silly argument that really has no merit. But why does the newspaper’s Sunday TV section use the term consistently, and why does the website use the term, “Redskins” when referring the DC’s team? Seems to be a bit inconsistent, doesn’t it?

•The story on the Drudge Report last week involving a 35 year old British woman who “relentlessly hunted down a doctor” who would perform irreversible sterilization surgery on her for no other reason than to “protect the planet,” has got to take the cake as the most idiotic form of expression resulting from Al Gore’s environmental whacko religion.
Her boyfriend (now husband number 3) presented her with a congratulations card after the surgery. Her reasoning for such drastic measures include: “Having children is selfish. It’s all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet;” “Every person who is born uses more food, more water, more land, more fossil fuels, more trees and produces more rubbish, more pollution, more greenhouse gases, and adds to the problem of over-population;” “We both passionately wanted to save the planet - not produce a new life which would only add to the problem;” “It would have been immoral to give birth to a child that I felt strongly would only be a burden to the world;” and the particularly telling, “ “(We) married in September 2002, and have a much nicer lifestyle as a result of not having children.”

Yes…the old faithful of this generation – the “convenience” argument. What an incredibly selfish bunch of little snots these people are! I, for one, am supremely pleased that: Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman, Neils Bohr, Marie Curie, Linus Pauling, Louis Pasteur, Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, Ronald Reagan, Mark Levin, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, George Washington Carver, Eddie Van Halen, and Angus Young didn’t have the likes of this woman as a mom.

•The New England Patriots appear to be headed for the first undefeated season in the NFL since the 1972 Miami Dolphins. That team’s former coach, Don Shula, has stated publicly that if the Pats get the record, it ought to be asterisked in some fashion in the record books because the team’s coach, Bill Belichick, was fined earlier in the season for violating NFL rules when an assistant coach was caught videotaping coaching signals on the sidelines. Would there be any more fitting way to tell Shula to shut-up than for the Pats to roll 100 points on the hapless Miami Dolphins in Week 16 on December 23?

•Congratulations to the Missouri Tigers for winning the Big 12 North division Championship. They heartily earned the honor after tossing aside all the accolades foisted upon their unbeaten, yet untested, interstate rivals, all the perennial doubts laid at the feet of every Missouri team for never really winning anything of note, and all the hype and pressure of a winner take-all game such as this was, and taking care of business. Missouri looked good. They looked REALLY good.

In fact, they looked SO good; they’re going to have a massive letdown next week in San Antonio against the Oklahoma Sooners. Sorry, Tigers fans. This one is textbook.
Sooners by 10.

(You'll never get a massive letdown reading Brian Kubicki's Parallax Look, which you can only find in your Landmark. Email him at


Does anybody really care what methods of extraction are used on enemies?

Posted 11/21/07

Did you know that the amount of rat excrement we allow be in our bread is three times the amount of CO2 that exists in the atmosphere?

Remember last week when I told you that the earth’s atmosphere is composed of only 0.038% (that’s 38 thousandths of one percent) carbon dioxide and that mankind generates only 3% of that? Now there are some that will argue that even a teeny-tiny amount of a gaseous poison can do damage to human life – at least some aspect of it. True…true. A few cc’s of strychnine can knock a strapping man to his knees.

Let’s consider rat feces. Almost anybody would acknowledge that munching on the poop of a dirty rodent – in any amount – would be deleterious to that person’s general physical welfare. We can universally agree to that. Well, did you know that the Federal Government mandates that the levels of rodent feces in wheat cannot exceed 0.090%?

That is nearly three times the composition of carbon dioxide in the earth’s atmosphere and nearly 80 times what humans put into the atmosphere by breaking wind and exhaling.
This is simply further proof that we aren’t all that we think we are.

•I was reading this story in a work-related trade magazine called, Amusement Business, recently and the author of the article related how there are several occurrences every year of young women collegiate athletes concealing their unplanned pregnancies and then doing irreparable harm to their babies after they are born. One woman was facing criminal prosecution for suffocating her newborn baby. In another case, a member of a collegiate golf team placed her newborn baby in a garbage bag and dumped it in a toilet.

After going into these horrific examples, the author of the article makes the call for colleges to institute programs for supporting female athletes who turn-up pregnant by mandating that they may keep their scholarships while their pregnancies progress.

Does anybody really believe that a person who would commit an act of murder on a living, breathing, innocent, and totally dependent little baby would be persuaded away from committing that grievous act by the idea that you could be put on an “Injured/Pregnant Reserve List" for nine months while the pregnancy develops?

Are they serious? Is Title IX going to step-up and advocate for equal participation for male athletes?

Then again, when a society begins to devalue life from its beginning, is it too much of a stretch to see the desire for extension of that devaluation into the next stage of human development?

•Wednesday-Thursday evening in on-line edition of The Star, our purported local newspaper, included the headline that Matt Damon was named by People magazine as the Sexiest Man Alive.

So this is the top story? No mention is offered on the fact that the War in Iraq is being won and that violence is significantly reduced. Nothing is offered about the bravery exhibited by American troops on the battlefield every single day.

If you haven’t cancelled your subscription to that putrid piece of politically one-sided Papp, you better get to that soon.

•And for those of you pointing to apparent hypocrisy for my reviewing the on-line edition of The Star while exhorting readers to cancel their subscriptions, I have to responsibly report how bad that newspaper really is if I’m going to convince anybody.

•By the way, do any of you really care what methods our government or armed forces uses to extract information from captured enemies in the War on Terror? Do you care whether the Architect of the 9/11 Attacks is water-boarded, denied sleep (I’d be good at resisting that one), made to stand in one place for long periods of time, made to eat very hot habanero peppers, forced to eat earthworms, had his fingernails trimmed really short so that they just start to bleed, are administered paper cuts in sensitive skin areas, forcibly made really drunk so as to loosen their resistance?

Just get the information. We don’t care what you have to do.

•Let me make it clearly understood that this KU-MU Border Showdown to end all border showdowns is enacting absolute hell on Kansas State fans the world over. I don’t care if you are manning a global temperature monitoring station in the most remote part of Pinauik; your week is going to be in the crapper just knowing that KU is battling MU for a chance at a trip to the BCS Title Game.

•That piece of business out of the way, Kansas is hotter than bacon grease right now and has not been stopped significantly since last season’s 6-6 campaign. They are charmed. But Missouri is talented and experienced and hungry enough to take everything the Jayhawks can dish out and return with s desire for more.

Tigers over KU by 7

By the way, college basketball is underway!

(The Landmark's resident expert on, among other things, global warming, rat feces and breaking wind, Brian Kubicki can be reached via email to



Schools are incorrect in their teaching of 'global warming' to your kids

Posted 11/16/07

•I learned this week about a “subtle” form of indoctrination going on in our elementary and middle schools. Apparently, global warming is being introduced in science classes at these levels with the tag-line that it is universally accepted and proven that man, though industrial activity, is causing global warming. Teachers are telling kids that carbon dioxide and coal are bad things that mankind should avoid. They are telling kids, quite erroneously, that man is exterminating polar bears through global warming. Such is simply not the case. In fact, polar bear populations are soaring right now due to limits placed on hunting.

Parents, you’ve got to get to your kids and tell them the truth. Man does not cause global warming – it is simply impossible. If you are looking at the carbon dioxide argument these loons use, the global atmosphere is composed of only 0.038% carbon dioxide. Of that miniscule 0.038%, man produces only 3%. To show them how little, really little, that amount is, take a pie. Cut the pie into as many uniform slices as you can manage, showing them along the way what half of the pie looks like…what one-fourth of the pie looks like…on and on until you get down to the most you can practically manage. Then explain that you could, with a very tiny long knife, cut the pie into 1000 equally sized pieces. Take 38 of those one-thousandth sized pieces and set them on a plate (there are 962 pieces left in the pan. Then cut that group of 38 one-thousandth size pieces into 100 equally sized pieces. Take 3 of those pieces. Hold them in a spoon (a really tiny spoon) and hold that over the entire pie.

Then they will understand why man doesn’t cause global warming. It is really that simple.

•In Tustin, California recently, a tree trimmer feeding branches into a wood chipper was pulled into the shredding machine and killed. The accident in the Los Angeles suburb is being investigated by OSHA. Police were called to the residential area just after 4 p.m. and found the worker’s body inside the wood chipper. It isn’t clear if the victim was a man or a woman. (Yuk!) Thirty-one people have been killed in wood chipper accidents between 1992 and 2002, according to a 2005 Journal of the American Medical Association report.

This story goes to show that landscaping is serious business. Look for the Clinton campaign to propose mandatory torque limits and rubber blades on all wood chippers.

•Political handicappers may be pulling back from their too-early pronouncements of Hillary Clinton as assumed nominee for the Democrat Party. Recent polls suggest that her lead in the early primary states has been significantly reduced, cut in half in one case (New Hampshire). Her definite overall negatives are coming to roost, and if Obama doesn’t mount a significant charge, he is going to fall back in the race for the Democrat nomination faster than Rosie O’Donnell in the Olympics 100 meter dash.

•By the way, did you hear that Rosie was vying for a TV talk show on MSNBC but tanked the opportunity at the eleventh hour when she let her mouth get in the way of her head? She apparently said something that ticked off the MSNBC folks and they told her never mind.

Somehow, I just can’t picture that.

•Can the Republicans offer a more competitive race? Here we are 6 weeks before the first primary and there are still nearly a half-dozen viable candidates. Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson, Mike Huckabee, and John McCain all have varying degrees of electability. Most importantly, they aren’t at each others' throats in the campaign. That’s important for the Republican Party’s chances because the party that wins this thing will be the party that can keep the various camps amenable enough to bury their petty animosities and vote for the party’s nominee.

If the Democrats could offer this degree of diversity among their candidates, 2008 would truly be an election that defines what positions the majority of this country holds.

*A particularly intriguing aspect to this election is that both the executive and legislative branches of Congress are uniformly unpopular (though, we all know that the only polls that matter are those among actual voters), and they each represent different political parties. So what happens when you match rampant dissatisfaction with government as a whole with an election supposedly intended to sweep all of them out?

I don’t know what it means, but anyone that declares that the ‘American people speak’ in anything resembling a coherent thought through elections doesn’t really understand the average American voter. Folks, Conan the Barbarian is governor of this nation’s largest state.

•Robert Redford’s new anti-war movie opened with a massive ad campaign and rapidly sunk (O.K. IS sinking after one week) into the cesspool of Hollywood opinion-masked-as-entertainment. Do these Hollywood liberals really think America, going into the holiday season, gives a hoot what they believe about war and national defense?

•The Chiefs looked putrid against the Broncos, and have now announced that Brodie Croyle is taking over the QB spot for Damon Huard. That move is widely believed to be one that Herm Edwards has wanted to see all season, but he was over-ruled by his boss.
Herm has always said he didn’t want the offense to score so quickly because he wants his defense to get their proper rest. He’s working against that though by starting Croyle because thanks to his faster footwork, the interceptions come much quicker with Croyle.
This week in Indianapolis is going to be nasty.

•In the Big 12, nobody’s paying attention because all that matters is MU-KU at Arrowhead next week.

But MU trounces KSU.
KU trounces ISU.
OU trounces Tech; and
Oklahoma State trounces Baylor.
Lots of trouncing going on.

(Brian Kubicki trounces the global warming loons on a weekly basis here in your Landmark. Email him at


Is there hope that obesity can be switched off at the genetic level?

Posted 11/8/07

All those people constantly fretting that China is going to overtake the United States as an economic power can cool their heels. The latest look at the consumption of oil among the developed nations of the world shows the US at the top at about 21 billion barrels a day. China is next at about 3.5 billions barrels a day. This panoramic look at the appropriate scale of life is brought to you by the Association to Counter Anything Said By Al Gore – Brian Kubicki, Treasurer.

•Isn’t it funny how, now that the Kansas Jayhawks are in prime position to ride their wave of confidence won through a carefully-structured non-conference football schedule that took full advantage of a young team’s growing abilities on the football field, the easy schedule route to the BCS is just fine-and-dandy with the Jayhawk faithful.

Remember when Bill Snyder, who pioneered this path to the mythical college football championship in his task at the helm of the greatest resurgence of a college football program in history at Kansas State, and his faithful, were readily skewered by every Jayhawk with two brain cells aligned side-by-side for getting where they were on false pretenses because they never played anybody with a pulse in their non-conference schedule? Funny how the perception changes when a Bill Snyder disciple leads them toward the Mythical Promised Land.

Credit KU head coach Mark Mangino, who saw this season’s Big 12 conference slate lining up on the easier side of the coin and bolstered that with four non-conference foes with nary a pulse among them. The Jayhawks are riding a wave of success that might just put them over the top.

•If Missouri wins out coming up to the final tilt with Kansas, they will win the North.

•All this hooey about Hillary Clinton being picked on by all the mean old boys in the Democrat Presidential Debates is nothing more than an attempt by her campaign to subvert the real scandal rising around the Clintons yet again.

Whenever some controversy begins to surface around the Clintons, as they have always done and no doubt will continue to do, up comes a diversion from within her campaign. Before, it was the rhetoric about her cleavage right about the time that the FBI began looking into the donations her campaign had been receiving from a ramshackle tenement in San Diego. Now, all the boys are picking on her right about the time that a former donor files suit against her for what he claims are stolen favors.

•And why, whenever a Clinton enters big-time politics, Chinese and Korean Asian donors are everywhere?

•Scientists at Case Western Reserve University are toying with have genetically engineering mice that are bigger, stronger, faster, and more virile than ordinary mice. The effect seems to last well into old age.

The tale of the tape is the fascinating part of this study. The genetically modified mice were seven times more active than normal mice. The genetically engineered mice ran for 32 minutes non-stop, while the ordinary mice topped out at only 19 minutes. Interestingly enough, the genetically engineered mice ate 60% more than the other mice, but they were lean and light, and weighing half of the normal mice and their bodies had 90% less body fat.

This last fact is the most relevant for humans, if this data can be translated to humans at all. If obesity can be switched off at the genetic level, will obese Americans be obliterated from the statistics and early graves? This will be interesting to watch. Look for the findings in the latest edition of The Journal of Biological Chemistry.

•All this weeping and gnashing of teeth over the Chiefs loss to the Packers last Sunday is wrongly applied. The Packers are a good team. They are one of the better teams in the NFL. The Chiefs aren’t. The Chiefs were supposed to lose this game. The Packers have a better offense than the Chiefs’ defense. The Packers' defense was way better than the Chiefs offense. That’s the way the NFL goes.

Now as for the Denver Broncos this week, The Rat’s going down.

•And what in the world are all these Brodie Croyle fans crying about? Damon Huard is the best player the team has available at the quarterback position. Huard is a better player, taking all things important to being a QB in the NFL into account, than Croyle – right now. That may change. The problems in the Chiefs offense are more about the offensive line, blocking schemes, and play-calling than who is lined-up behind center.

•The Big 12 roundup is winding down. The North is coming down to a monstrous KU-MU rivalry tilt in a few weeks, and the South is OU’s to lose. Last week, KU and MU authored pummelings of epic proportions. Iowa State did too.

This weekend…

Nebraska edges Kansas State in the Toilet Bowl of the New Millenia; Huskers by 7.
Missouri will dismember A&M; Tigers by 31.
Iowa State nips Colorado; Cyclones by 3.
Oklahoma disembowels Baylor; Sooners by 28.
Texas levels Tech; Horns by 14
Kansas stumbles to Okie State; Cowboys by 3.

(We know this: A weekly Parallax Look can't be stopped at the genetic level. It appears each week only in your Landmark. Email the author at


Apparently men can look forward to bigger 'equipment' by the year 3000

Posted 11/1/07

•The surge in Iraq is working. Violence is down and Iraqis are stepping up to assume responsibility for their country. Do the “War is Lost” Harry Reid-led Democrats acknowledge those very basic facts? No. They say the surge was implemented too late. Are any of you surprised?

•Is anyone noticing that when Democrat candidates for President announce something to try to garner interest from the media, they’re always offering some massive government entitlement program that nobody can afford and requires class envy to drive the revenue stream? Hillary is almost literally handing out cash for votes. Edwards wants to give free college tuition to everybody. Obama promises he’ll give even more than Hillary.

•Have you also noticed that whenever a Republican is trying to attract attention, they’re usually reminding Americans how much Hillary’s entitlement give-aways are going to cost?

•My absolute favorite junk story of the week is the report that was forwarded by Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, an evolution theorist (at an economic school – I’m drawing a blank on that one).

Curry claims that the human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures.

Supposedly, the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000. We will reach between 6 ft and 7 ft in height and our life spans will grow to 120 years. Also, men will have symmetry in facial features, deeper voices and bigger reproductive “equipment” (those stats will still be self-reported however), according to Curry.

Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts, according to Curry. No word on whether their reproductive “equipment” will be smaller.
You know, I think I read/saw this drama already played-out in HG Wells’ Science Fiction novel, The Time Machine, and later adapted into two films.

I’m hoping to be currently in the goblin branch…it would be depressing to think that what we are right now is the best it’s ever gonna get.

•I acknowledge that most of you readers couldn’t give a hoot about the La Raza Blackmail Extortion Scheme being foisted upon the Mayor of Kansas City, MO, (Doesn’t that sound like a better and more relevant title than the Frances Semler Issue?) and frankly, neither do I. But I thought it worth a mention that we unincorporated Platte Countians are proud of backbone exhibited in the Midwest. And backbone is certainly abundant in the skeletal makeup of the Mayor and Ms. Semler. Kudos.

•Finally, an environmental movement I can get behind! Apparently, a group of people in Maine has eschewed the traditional embalming and burial in hermetically sealed Tupperware-like coffins, for cremation or internment in simple pine boxes and into the ground you go within a couple of days.

Apparently, 60% of dead people in Maine choose cremation.

The funeral industry contends that there are bacterial concerns with not embalming a body, but unless you’re a Necrophiliac that pretty much seems to be a moot point. Six feet of earth is a pretty good bacterial insulator. They also claim that winter funerals face frozen earth in cold climates.

Yeah, I guess they’ve never discovered back-hoes for digging? Give me a break on that point. I like the thought that we came from the earth, put our corpses back into the ground so we can make something else grow.

•Unless a dramatic flurry of tropical storm activity occurs in the next couple of months, 2007 will rank as the weakest hurricane-potential year for the Northern Hemisphere in the last 30 years. Only 1977, 1981, and 1983 have had less activity to date. So much for the theory that man causes global warming and global warming causes hurricanes.

•You know, all this hoo-haw over the Chiefs being in first place in the division at nearly the half-way point (being solidified as the Broncos fall at home to the Packers at press-time in a game that was much more exciting than it was first looking to be), is not what it’s cracked-up to be. This team and season is being graded on the curve, and it’s being weighed down by a bunch of Troglodytes trying to master Basic Algebra. The NFL – particularly the AFC West--aaais down this year…way down. The Chiefs might back-in to a playoff berth, like they did last year. But even if they do, they’ll be looking at a pair of buzz saws in Indy and the Patriots, so don’t get your hopes up.

•Now if Herm unleashed his Marty-ball influence on the offense, all bets are off. This team could be special if that were to happen.

•Have you noticed the strange similarity between The Star’s Jeffrey Flanagan’s column on the media’s observances of the week’s Chiefs game delivered in very similar fashion and tone to a certain Off The Couch column created by The Landmark's beloved columnist emeritus, Greg Hall? I guess the statute of limitations has passed on theft of literary styles.

•The Big 12 saw Kansas continue their Al Bohl-enabled Magical Mystery Tour. Missouri had a strange degree of trouble with an undermanned opponent. Kansas State did what Ron Prince’s teams seaaaaaem to do – play really well when all the pressure is off. Colorado impressed in Lubbock.

This week:

Kansas State handles Iowa State, KSU by 10
Nebraska ends the tour in Lawrence, Huskers by 3
Tech handles Baylor, TT by 28
Texas falls at Okie State, Cowboys by 7
Oklahoma handles A&M, Sooners by 24
Mizzou falls at Boulder, CU by 2

(The sharp eye of Brian Kubicki gives you a Parallax Look every week. Email him at


Get out of the way of wildfires and let nature do its thing

Posted 10/25/07

I’m sinking in the Pigskin Picks standings faster than a “Barack Obama in 2008” button in a toilet at the Republican Debates. But I don’t care! The Chiefs are going to start losing again!

•The wildfires in our nation’s West have been dominating the news cycle lately, as they typically do this time of year. It might surprise some of you in this hyper-environmental ether we’re currently awash in to learn that wildfires have occurred for millions upon millions of years in territory such as this. Wildfires are uncontrollable fires which occur in desert-type environments that have a significant amount of shrubbery and tree growth. They are nature’s way of clearing brush and overgrowth and keeping the soil suitably fortified with nutrients.

Now Al Gore’s folks (his minions, not his parents) are completely ignoring the fact that these wildfires are putting many hundreds of times more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere than the entire population of the west portion of the United States could on a particularly gassy day. It is equally hilarious that we humans, who are supposedly so very influential on the planet and its environment, can’t even make a dent in fighting these fires. Get out of the way, people, and let nature do its thing.

•What was this Ellen Degeneres deal with the dog re-gifting? I haven’t really paid attention to the whole issue much, but it seems that she took a dog off of the Doggie-Death-Row-Conveyor and then for some reason gave the dog to another family. The Doggie-Death-Row-Jailers came and took the dog back onto Death Row because they don’t want people re-gifting their dogs.

What’s the big deal? It’s not like she gave the dog to a restaurant (Ha-ha….got you on that one Pitch! I just said it was “a” restaurant). Seriously, what is the big deal? I wonder if the dog has gotten The Needle yet.

•The Chiefs are 4-3 and alone at the top of the really crummy AFC West. Some are making this into a Herm-Edwards-Is-Really-A-Genius argument, which is really ridiculous when you consider that the teams the Chiefs have beaten are really terrible, while the teams that have beaten them handily have also been trounced by the top teams in the league.
The truly salient point about where the Chiefs are and what Herm Edwards has accomplished is seen in the defense, which truly is better. But Herm should really pay at least some degree of homage to Dick Vermeil for the maturation of non-offensive players that he drafted, like Derrick Johnson, Jared Allen, Keyaron Fox, Bennie Sapp, and especially Dustin Colquitt. All are playing important roles on this team.

Just imagine how good this team would be if Herm hadn’t dismantled the offense this team once had.

•On an election note, help me out with something. Pollsters are hammering away at our phone lines. Get a caller ID box and don’t answer the calls that are from political pollsters. If you accidentally answer one, hang up when you realize what they are. Don’t answer political polls. Don’t let the media, or the organization that is going to use your responses to craft some kind of scatterbrained conclusion, know what you are thinking. The only poll that matters is the one on Election Day. Remember that.

•Did you see where Bill Maher’s HBO show, Real Time with Bill Maher was interrupted by protesters that were spouting the conspiracy theory that President Bush actually intentionally orchestrated the attacks of 9/11? In a truly hypocritical display, Maher was seen helping security shove the protesters from his audience. He also uttered a most interesting line to the effect that, “…I may have to fire my audience staff…”

Audience staff? So HBO shows intentionally craft the content of their audience, much like liberals contend the administration does? They also manhandle those that disagree with them, taking it to the point of forcibly silencing them from expressing their views.
Isn’t that what liberals have accused the Bush Administration of doing, particularly in not heeding the cries of the liberal anti-war left to get out of Iraq?

•The Republican debate Sunday night was an interesting expression of unity. The candidates have all accepted and vociferously expressed a theme of Hillary-Must-Be-Destroyed.

Mrs. Clinton has been accepted as the target of the Republican Party and though the various and numerous candidate array remains at odds on a number of issues, they all understand the central goal is to keep Hillary Clinton out of the White House.
That gave me a very warm feeling.

•Whew…the Big 12 has become topsy-turvy with traditional bottom-dwellers on top and traditional powers heading for the bottom. Kansas escaped from Boulder with a hard-fought victory on the road over a questionable foe. Missouri took on the nation’s top offense and pounded them. Kansas State scored 39 points on the road and still lost thanks to a porous run defense. Nebraska got pounded again at home (what!?!). Texas and Oklahoma rolled.

This week:

Colorado loses to Tech in a nail-biter; Tech by 7
Iowa State gets pummeled by Mizzou in Columbia; Tigers by 21
Nebraska gets annihilated at Texas; Horns by 21
K-State heals against Baylor; Cats by 18
Kansas falls for the first time at College Station; A&M by 3
OU and O-State are sleeping in this week.

(Like a wildfire, Brian Kubicki does his thing in a natural way each week for The Landmark. Email him at



You won't always get small government from GOP, never get it from Democrats

Posted 10/18/07

We are nearing perhaps the most important time in any presidential election. That is the last few months before the presidential primaries begin.

I mark this time as important because typically, this is the last time you can talk to a supporter of another candidate in your party and know that they are listening to what you are saying. Once the primaries kick off, war is on and you’re as likely to gain sympathy from the other side within your party as you are getting Al Gore to admit he really doesn’t know anything about global warming.

So before the gloves come off, listen up folks. I’m not sure which Republican I am going to support for president. It’s coming down to Fred or Mitt. I know that I will not support any Democrat in 2008 (or ever for that matter – brain surgery wouldn’t devolve me to that degree). That’s the only sure thing. But the key is this…no matter who wins the Republican nomination, they will get my vote. I disagree with much of what Rudy, McCain, etc. believe – and I disagree with darn near everything Ron Paul espouses.

But even if Paul gets the nomination, he gets my vote. He gets it because even he is worlds better than any Democrat and especially Hillary Clinton. Look at the platforms of each party. These elections are not about a particular candidate. They are about the party and what the party stands for. Think of it this way: if you want small government from your candidate, you may not always get it with a Republican, but you will never get it with a Democrat in office. It’s really that simple.

So stay friendly with your neighbor Republicans – we’re all pushing the cart in the same direction.

You Democrats keep on hating each other. You’re good to go.

•As I’ve mentioned before, we have a dog. I’ve also often maintained that I am not a dog person, but this one’s O.K. He’s a cross-breed between a beagle and a pug, but he’s more on the side of a beagle because he’s small-to-medium sized and he’s really quick and fast. If he’s done something wrong, like grabbing a pair of socks out of the dirty clothes hamper, he’s nearly impossible to catch. As dogs go, he’s no Steven Hawking.

So the problem we’re having is the dog will climb up on the furniture. The dog trainer told us dogs do that in an effort to gain dominance in the house – kind of like the alpha dog gaining the high ground. So we’re supposed to command that the dog get off the furniture as soon as we see him jump on it. That’s fine. As soon as I see him jump on the couch, I clap my hands and he gets down. He gets back up, and I clap and holler and he gets back down. It’s to the point where he sees me and he jumps off the couch.

The problem is, when I come downstairs, my family is lounging around watching TV or playing on the computer and the dog is looking at me from his comfortable perch on the couch? I can keep the dog off the couch. My problem is I can’t get the family to pay attention long enough to keep the dog off the couch! I need a Family Whisperer.

•A new study on abortion worldwide recently published revealed that one in five pregnancies ends in an abortion.

The study noted that raw abortion numbers have fallen in recent years. “Unsafe” abortion, it was noted, is concentrated in developing countries. The study included the statement, “Ensuring the need for contraception is met and that all abortions are safe will reduce maternal mortality substantially and protect maternal health.”

I take it from that statement we are to assume that fetal health statistics are pretty much constant. As a matter of fact, whether the need for contraception is met or not, fetal mortality remains at 100%.

Please, someone explain to me, what is a “safe abortion?” How exactly is an abortion safe for the baby?

•Why did Al Gore get the Nobel Peace Prize? Is there anything more ridiculous? How is advocating worldwide socialism and death to market-driven capitalism an advocacy of and for peace? I thought global warming was a scientific issue. How can a scientific issue be fodder for a peace award?

Dr. William Gray, a pioneering climatologist at Colorado State University, has long maintained that global warming is a natural cycle and man is not enough of an influence on the global environment to even be mentioned in the same breath as one required to say, “global warming.”

Your factoid of the week to bring up the next time somebody around you cries about global warming: if man is causing global warming, and this recent slight warming is not a natural cycle, how did the planet escape from no less than 7 global ice ages before man was ever around?

•Last week in the Big 12, Nebraska melted-down, Kansas maintained the impression of a leader, Missouri stumbled, Kansas State handled Colorado, and Iowa State assumed the position.

This week:

Baylor takes one on the chin from Texas, Horns by 28
Nebraska takes another one on the chin. Aggies by 7
Missouri gets hit again, Tech by 14
Kansas State gets poked, Cowboys by 10
Kansas slips, Buffs by 3
Iowa State is helped over the fence rail, Sooners by 21

(Landmark columnists will never win a prize for peace but will answer your emails. Talk to Brian via email to



Constitution says nothing about protection from telephone sales pitches

Posted 10/11/07

•You know, every time we read about or hear a news reader talking about the presidential campaign we’re told that a particular candidate is “leading” or “has opened up a lead.”

No they haven’t.

Presidential elections are not races. They are one-day polls. The only polls taken that mean anything are perhaps the ones taken days before the elections – but even they pale in importance to the election.

Races are what horses run. And in those, the finish is all that matters.

•The Federal Do Not Call List is about to expire.  Stop!  Let it die.  This is a classic example of allowing the federal government to step into an area where it isn’t needed.  The Constitution says nothing about protecting us from sales pitches delivered by telephone.  Control it yourself.  Buy an answering machine.  Get caller ID on your phone line.  Don’t answer a cell phone call from a number you don’t recognize.  Retain your God-given liberty. Reduce the size and scope of government!

•Has anyone just told Chiefs play-by-play voice Mitch Holthus that calling Larry Johnson, “The Centaur” is incredibly childish and just plain lame?

Maybe it’s just that nobody’s told him.  Just take him aside and let him know

•Human remains were recently found in a wooded area just off of a main highway exit south of KC….a human skull is found in the Little Blue River…they’d have never found little Sam and Lindsey Porter had the police not found something their father feared and used it to get him to tell them where they were. We all seem to think this kind of thing is more prevalent now because it’s on the media all the time. I tend to believe it’s just because the media is going all the time and needs to fill air time with this stuff.

You ever wonder how many people are killed and their remains are never found? I’ll bet there are more people who are dispatched in relatively discreet manners and are never found than those that die through somebody else’s hand and are found. I’ll have to look into statistics for that. I wonder if there are stats on missing people that are never recovered.

•In the case of the skull found in the Blue River, the story goes that there were two fishermen casting their lines into the Little Blue River, when they noticed an object floating in the water nearby. They apparently recognized it as a human skull at some point and contacted the police.

•What the “official” record doesn’t impart is that (I’ve gotta believe anyway) these two guys set the skull on the bank, went back to fishing for awhile, thought about keeping the skull as a souvenir, drank a couple more beers, then called the police, sometime around 3 p.m.

•In a surprising case of empathy, Michael Devlin, the accused kidnapper and child molester pled guilty to the charges that would keep him in prison for the rest of his life. He did so, foregoing a trial, because he said (in part) that he wanted to spare the boys the emotional pain of a long and drawn-out trial.

You suppose there’s a criminal defense lawyer out there waiting in the wings ready to file an appeal that Devlin was not properly represented because his public defender “failed” his client by not formulating a completely falsified and convoluted defense? Let’s hope not.

•We learned recently that the percentage of the U.S. population under age 65 without health insurance increased last year to about 18 percent, or about 46 million people. 15% was the previously accepted figure, translating, of course to 85% of the population, or almost 250,000,000 people, DO possess some form of health insurance.

Some relevant details: Nearly 63 percent of the uninsured workers or 29,000,000 are self-employed or working in private-sector firms with fewer than 100 employees. O.K, so small companies, are clearly deciding that health care is not in their affordable range. Speaking as a small business man, I’ve been there. I’m cool with that. Can we call them, “self-insured?”
Also, about one-third of all the uninsured persons last year were in families with annual incomes of less than $20,000. So since Medicare or Medicaid covers 45 million people suggests that Medicare or Medicaid is being used by people that make more than $20,000 per year.

Further, about 7 percent of people in families with annual incomes of $75,000 or more were uninsured. So there indeed ARE people that clearly CAN afford health insurance that simply choose not to. Again, I am fine with that. I’ve been there in my life.

So once you pare-out those that are simply self-insuring, those that use Medicaid, those at the entry to the workforce that are young and healthy and don’t need insurance, all the 13 million illegal aliens who shouldn’t be insured, where is the problem that we need social healthcare to fix?

•Were any of you surprised by the Chiefs performance against the Jags Sunday? Jacksonville is a good team – especially on defense. The Chiefs are not a particularly good team. They have no cohesive offensive plan. They have the equivalent of a competent offense with its arms and legs cut off.

Meanwhile, a disgruntled Larry Johnson and apparently also rookie receiver Dwayne Bowe are pouting and disrupting any semblance of team unity. This is a critical time for Herm Edwards. Will he take control of the team and straighten out the crooked arrows?

Can he?

The next few weeks should tell.

•On the Big 12 front, my prediction record is about as accurate as Elton John’s monthly cycle. But to all my KU faithful readers, I must give your team my props. They came to Manhattan and showed Ron Prince how Bill Snyder disciples coach college football in Manhattan. As a faithful K-State alum, I can only hope Ron Prince is half as smart as he talks, because he was woefully out-coached last Saturday.

This week:

Kansas has a let-down and will fall to Baylor (happened for them – it’ll happen against them) Baylor by 1

Oklahoma State shocks the wounded and bleeding Huskers in their crib…OSU by 10

Texas heals themselves at Ames…UT by 10

A&M falls to Tech…TTech by 14

MU falls to OU….OU by 7

KState falls to CU at home….CU by 10

(Brian Kubicki can't protect you from sales pitches over the phone, but he will listen to your sales pitch if you send it to


Clarence Thomas proves it's possible to reach heights coming from depths

Posted 10/05/07

This has been a slow week for big news. Maybe it’s just me.

•The big NASCAR race was held at the Kansas Speedway last weekend and for all the attention given to the event, (and all the global warming gases polluting the environment!) it seems like an incredible letdown for an uber-competitive event to allow the winner of the race to be determined to be the person who hasn’t got enough gas in his tank to even limp across the finish line under cautionary yellow flag (hold your positions) conditions. (Almost sounds like I know NASCAR don’t it?)

Next thing you know, somebody’s going to say I look like Jeff Foxworthy.

•Did you catch the Hillary Clinton cackle she uttered that has made the rounds of conservative talk-radio all last week? She apparently has determined in advance of these interviews that she would respond to attacks on her political positions with a guttural laughter – apparently indicating she is utterly flabbergasted at the ludicrousness of the question or inlaying assumptions.

I’m not sure what she was trying to do, but it appeared less than genuine and was actually kind of creepy….like Vincent Price in, “Dr. Phibes Rises Again” kind of creepy.

•The Chiefs learned Sunday what the NFL has been learning all season so far. That is the reality that Norv Turner is no Marty Schottenheimer. The Chargers, who have more weapons on both sides of the ball than perhaps any team in the NFL in 2007, have lost their focus, it seems. Attribute that to Schottenheimer, the fatally flawed head coach who is perhaps the best regular season head football coach in NFL history that can’t close the deal in the playoffs to save his life.

Turner has been a great offensive coordinator wherever he has gone, but has failed as head coach every time he has been entrusted with that responsibility. Was that eery hearing the Charger fans chanting “Marty….Marty…Marty…” at the end of the game or what?
That being established, the Chiefs seem to have latched onto something offensively while Herm Edwards was improving the defense. Dwayne Bowe is something very special and Damon Huard is figuring that out and Tony Gonzalez is being pushed for the position of the go-to guy in the receiving corps, and that is making Tony G. better.

LJ can’t figure any of it out, and he is back to his pouting mode.

When is Priest Holmes coming back?

•And for you Chiefs fans that are already spouting Super-Bowl-bound – take a breath. This team is hardly New England/Indianapolis good. They’re not even in that league. They’ve got a rookie receiver trying to make a name for himself. They’ve got a journeyman perennial backup quarterback that may have found a Terrell Owens to resurrect his career.

They have a rejuvenated defense that is half old/half new. And they still have a pouting and underperforming running back.

Super Bowl teams are rarely made from that raggedy old set of ingredients.

•Anybody catch the Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas interview on 60 Minutes Sunday? I’m anxious to get a copy of his new book, “My Grandfather’s Son,” in which he describes how a young boy comes out of abject poverty in the racist South to end up as an Associate Supreme Court Justice.

It was particularly amusing re-watching the scolding that the then-unconfirmed Judge Thomas gave the Senate Judiciary Committee when the Democrat-controlled Congressional panel spent considerable time looking into sexual harassment claims that were made 10-years after they supposedly occurred. I cannot recall a more putrid collection of looks on a panel of senators than we saw on the mugs of Sens. Biden and Metzenbaum when Thomas declared their investigation, “…a hi-tech lynching of uppity blacks…” That was historically priceless.

On that subject, it has been difficult for me to find the “right voice” in warning people why Hillary Clinton as president of the United States sends a very bad message to young people. But this Clarence Thomas book seems to have wafted the chaff off the top of the pond.

You see, I am happy, and eager, to take the message of the story of Clarence Thomas to my children, and to young people in general, as a clear message of hope that no matter how far down you start, you can make it in this country. Because of the free market, freedom, and liberty, a poor child born in a house without electricity or indoor plumbing and shackled by mid-20th century racism, can reach the Supreme Court of the United States. When a person reaches heights like that from the depths that this country has, we are eager to show others what’s possible. It’s truly inspiring.

My wife is a very smart person. She has achieved much in her personal and especially in her professional life. She has done so armed only with the strength of her intellect and the degree of persistence in her work ethic. Whatever Hillary Clinton achieves in her political life, she has gotten it the cost of her self-respect as a woman and a spouse. Her husband has wiped their marriage with a swath of rancid infidelity that any spouse can see with 20-200 vision. She has pretended to have been fooled on each and every occasion of his infidelity, apparently because he can bring her political power she cannot earn on her own.

When women of her ilk attain political power, it is seen not as the result of her intellect or work ethic, but as a compromise of her self respect as a woman and a spouse.

There are far too many women out there that have earned power and respect for their achievements through their own legitimate qualities to allow representation by the likes of a professional victim like Hillary Clinton. They deserve better. They’ve earned better.

•For all the money being spent out at the Kansas Speedway, why don’t they have lights?

•Last week in the Big 12, Kansas State set the nation on-notice that they are to be considered a contender in the Big 12 North by throttling Top 10 ranked Texas on National TV. The Sooners yakked on a bone in their prime rib in Boulder. Nebraska gave up another 500 yards but outpointed Iowa State. A&M eviscerated Baylor.

•This week, we have the slate to end all slates. This much entertainment deserves a more detailed breakdown game-by-game.

Kansas at Kansas State starts the morning off with a bang at 11 a.m. The Wildcats are coming off a head-turning performance in Austin. The Jayhawks have pummeled four non-conference opponents in Lawrence with a combined record of 4-13. This one won’t be close. KSU by 21

Oklahoma vs. Texas at 2:30 p.m. resumes their annual Red River Shoot-Out. The only difference is this time; both teams are coming off unexpected losses. Look for only the Sooners to rebound however, OU by 14

Iowa State at Texas Tech at 6pm…probably the least compelling matchup should be interesting to see what Tech can do the week after posting 75 on a cupcake. Tech by 10
Colorado at Baylor at 6:05pm…the second least compelling match-up, but a good game nonetheless. Baylor falls in a toss-up nail biter.

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M at 6:30 p.m. This one’s for the lead position in the South. Look for A&M to assume the mantle, at least temporarily. A&M by 7.

And Nebraska at Missouri at 8:15 p.m. closes out the evening with a game that will likely feature only a handful of punts. Look for MU by 10.

They’ve got more offense than the Huskers, are at home, and Nebraska is still questioning their defense, which is not what you want to be doing going into Columbia at 9:00 at night.

(Ask Brian Kubicki what he would like to do be doing in Columbia at 9 p.m. via email to



Empathy for Katrina victims has statute of limitations

Posted 9/28/07

My little story about the tortilla chips that gave their life for the sake of real estate commerce seems to have struck a chord with a number of you. Thanks for the input. I’ll see if there are more where that came from.

•The word is that President Bush has been counseling the Democrat hopefuls to stay fluid in their statements and positions relative to Iraq because they don’t want to pin themselves into a corner where they have only one option should they indeed win the White House

He’s such a nice fellow.

He’s also way smarter than any of the candidates out there, at least on the Democrat side of the aisle. These slow-witted, mono-thinking “GET-OUT, GET-OUT NOW” people aren’t seeing the forest for the trees.

Both sides in this country politically have got to realize that if a fledgling democracy is not given time to strengthen itself, Iraq will indeed become an al Qaida theocracy that will attract terrorists like ABC’s The View attracts the intellectually vapid. (I’m sorry – not really, but in a minimalist way — to again throw spit wads at that show but criminy, one of the hosts last week actually said that she wasn’t aware that the earth was not indeed flat.)
If they keep catering to the dreams and desires of the far left, they are going to have no recourse but to drop-and-run-away from the Middle East, and that is very dangerous for America.

•These incidents of violence among peoples divided only along racial lines, such as the Jena, LA incident and another recently in Norfolk, VA allow those that want racial separation to continue to vent their insanity on the rest of the nation. As long as we separate ourselves culturally along skin color lines, there are going to be violent acts among different races. No color lines is the only answer.

•Did you know that convicted double-murderer and Death Row inmate Scott Peterson has allegedly become pen pals with fellow Death Row inmate, the infamous mass murderer Richard Ramirez, A.K.A The Night Stalker that terrorized LA and San Francisco in the 1980’s?

Are they ever going to kill these losers?

•The Monday Night Football game in New Orleans was again focused on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina – can we move along already? What about all the Florida hurricanes that have hit since Katrina? Why aren’t we revisiting them with an NFL contest? What about Greensburg, Kansas? When is the NFL going to have a benefit game for those residents – their entire town was destroyed by a natural disaster.

I’m tired of hearing about Katrina victims. I have empathy, of course, for anyone caught in a natural disaster. But my empathy has a statute of limitations. They had former Saints great Archie Manning urging people to come back to New Orleans to spend their fat, green, American dollars.

Unfortunately, Katrina reminded America that there are a lot of people that populate New Orleans that are too stupid to heed warnings to get out when the hurricane approached – and yes, they were warned in advance. I heard the warnings. They heard the warnings. They didn’t act, and those dimwits have become the face of the city. So now, nobody wants to go back to that, apparently.

I don’t blame them. There are casinos and hedonism in every U.S. city nowadays. And gumbo plus a quality etouffee is available everywhere.

•The Chiefs post-victory analysis has included a number of gems. Hey folks, you gotta admit – the defense is better. The defensive line is getting penetration. The linebacking is pretty solid. The secondary is aging but smart. They shut down a very so-so Viking offense in the second half when they had to.

The offense is…well…a unique and not-so-interesting exercise in the Carolina Tarheel Four Corners stall offense. In the first half, they seemed to be more willing to run the clock and avoid a turnover than they were to actually play football and establish a lead in the game.

You know going from the Vermeil-Saunders high-flying point-a-minute offensive juggernaut to the Edwards-Solari You-Score-Seven-Quickly-And-I’ll-Kick-You-In-The Nads offense is like going from accidentally wandering into an NFL cheerleaders’ locker room to accidentally wandering into the ladies’ restroom at the Shady Acres Retirement Home on bean burrito Friday.

•What in the name of David Duke are the powers-that-be at Columbia University in New York doing accepting Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as a speaker? I don’t need to tell you everything this clown has said or stood for – you’ve heard it all. It’s enough for me that he was one of the Iranians involved with taking and holding the American hostages back in the Carter Administration.

What’s compounded this lunacy was that the Columbia University President Lee Bollinger commented in defense of the university that they would accept Hitler as a speaker, if of course (stand by for important disclaimer) he were willing to debate his controversial positions.

I’m curious if Mr. Bollinger would be debating Hitler’s various extermination techniques with the Fuhrer?


•The Big 12 is starting conference play (finally), with a semi-interesting slate:
Baylor grabs the fence rail against the Aggies. A&M by 14
Sooners roll over the Buffs by 31
Iowa State falls in a nail-biter in Lincoln, NU by 3
Kansas State falls to the Horns, Texas by 10
Tech annihilates Northwestern State by 40
Sam Houston State gives up the Alamo to Oklahoma State, Cowboys by 30.
Next week is an unbelievable slate. We will know much about the 2007 Big 12 after next week is played-out.

(Ask Brian about his other statutes of limitations via email to


OJ's got to think he can simply get away with anything

Posted 9/21/07

Did you hear Sen. Hillary Clinton blathering on last week about having to go through a “…willing suspension of disbelief…” in listening to what most of America clearly has no difficulty in understanding and believing – that, of course being the Senate testimony of Gen. David Petraeus, the Commander of the Multi-National Force in Iraq.

The good General gave what most believe was an honest account of the good, the bad, and the ugly in the war in Iraq, and the aspirant Senator decided before she was able to digest much of anything that she would have a purposeful desire to pretend to suspend her ability to disbelieve what she was hearing.

Nice to see that this testimony, which the Democrat-led Congress asked for in the first place, was something they would approach with open minds.

Somebody should kick Hillary in the shins with hard-soled shoes. This is serious stuff, lady. I’m no fan of the Princess of the Pantsuit, but if she wants to be seriously considered on the national stage, she’s going to have to do better than “willing suspension of disbelief.”

•The UK (not Portuguese – my bad last week) couple whose 4-year old daughter has gone missing, the McCanns, are now apparent suspects in the disappearance of their daughter.
Rumors are flying about, but apparently, the child’s DNA turned-up in a car the couple had rented 25 days after the child was reported missing. How that could reasonably happen under any circumstance is highly improbable, one would think. But, I could envision taking my child’s diaper bag or something that might have had her DNA on it previously and tossing it into the trunk of the car.

If it turns out that they did this, there is going to be some massive worldwide outrage, especially on the part of the celebrities that have contributed to reward funds.

•What is this Nanny-State BS I’m hearing over the State of Missouri mandating that children, up to the weight of 80 lbs., be restrained in child seats? Are you kidding me? Kate Moss and half of the cast of Desperate Housewives would be car seated under that scenario. Give me a cotton-picking break!

•OJ has been arrested again. The world’s luckiest-yet-dumbest man has been implicated in an armed robbery involving memorabilia that he felt still belonged to him. People seem surprised that OJ Simpson is caught up in this armed robbery case and that he could possibly risk going to jail again after his famous double murder case of the early 1990’s.
I am not the least bit surprised.

OJ Simpson got away with double murder of his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.  The criminal law system says he is innocent of the crimes. After staying out of jail on the double murder charge, OJ’s got to think he can get away with anything.  That is the stupidity that leads to his doing things like being involved with an armed robbery.

•OJ wasn’t a crafty devil to get away with slashing the throats of his ex-wife and the young Mr. Goldman. His case showed how a crafty defense and an overmatched prosecution can be employed in our loopy criminal justice system to acquit a double murderer of the charges.

•My final anti-government rant is about these signs I keep seeing approaching road construction sites. “Hit a Road Worker, Automatic Fine $10,000.”

Now if I do accidentally hit a road construction worker, I’m no doubt going to face involuntary manslaughter charges, not to mention a civil lawsuit brought by the worker’s family. That $10,000 the state government is collecting isn’t going to the family. Why should the government be profiting off of the death of road workers, and if they are going to be stupid enough to do so, why is a human life only worth $10,000?

Hell, we’ve all paid individually way more than that in taxes. Why are we paying more than we are apparently worth?

•Boy, am I in trouble! We’re selling our house. So we’ve got someone coming by to look at the place and we’re all in mad scramble to get things picked up and cleaned up.

Apparently that helps sell a house. It hasn’t worked so far.

So you also have to clear the counters of most everything moveable, so all the cabinets and drawers are overflowing with stuff. We had an unopened bag of tortilla chips on the counter and no place to stash it, so naturally, I put the bag into the oven. It’s out of the way. It’s dry. No problem.

Well that is until I turn the oven on the next day to pre-heat it for a 425 degree pizza bake. My oldest son says, “Hey Dad, the oven’s on fire!” Sure enough, there’s a nice flame going in the oven and smoke beginning to billow around the oven door.

I wisely resisted the urge to open the oven door and turned off the oven thermostat/switch and allowed the flames to extinguish. I hollered to the family downstairs that we had a minor fire up here, so don’t mind the smell and I directed the son to go up and turn on the attic fan. I opened a window over the sink, creating a nice natural draft current for the smoke.
So my lovely wife comes on the scene and asks what happened. I told her how the bag of chips dove in the oven to save our lives and she goes ballistic. “What are the chips doing in the over?” I respond, “Hiding from the potential home buyers.” She retorts, sternly, “I had those stashed away in the pantry. Why did you move them?”

I mean, come on. I accidentally incinerate an innocuous bag of tortilla chips and she’s acting like I accidentally turned the oven on with one of the kids curled up inside.
I guess my wife really likes tortilla chips.

•What ever happened to Gene Gene The Dancing Machine?

•The Big 12 saw some interesting matchups last week. Nebraska got brought back to earth. Missouri, Kansas State, and Kansas did what they were supposed to do. Baylor got a win. So did Iowa State. Oklahoma State elicited raised brows, as did Texas. Colorado plays out Gary Barnett’s uber-tough schedule. OU, A&M and Tech yawned.

This week…

Texas A&M @ Miami (Fla.) A&M over the Canes in a nailbiter by 3.
Oklahoma @ Tulsa Kaboom. Sooners +40
Ball State @ Nebraska, Huskers by 10
Illinois State @ Missouri, Tigers by 21
Miami (Ohio) @ Colorado, Buffs by 7
Texas Tech @ Oklahoma State, Tech in a laugher by 24
Baylor @ Buffalo, Buffalo by 7
Florida International @ Kansas, Jayhawks by 21
Iowa State @ Toledo, Cyclones by 3
Rice @ Texas, Longhorns by 14

Leaving a four-year-old pair of two-year-olds alone unacceptable

Posted 9/14/07

•The case of these Portuguese parents that apparently lost their 4 year old daughter on an evening when the two parents left the little girl in their vacation hotel room with her 2 year old twin siblings while they went out to dinner with friends has now turned on the parents as possible suspects.

The media here in America is all over defending the parents as victims of a tragedy that apparently befell their daughter.

Many will (and have) audibly criticized the parents for the lunacy of leaving such young children alone in a hotel room in a strange place to them.

Many others have defended the parents, saying they’re beating themselves up enough.
Wait a minute….why exactly do we look down on parents that would choose to leave such young children alone? We do that because bad things happen to little children when they are left alone, because little children are not able to care for themselves. (I can’t believe I need to even point this out!)

I will go so far as to declare that IF they find a scumbag that took that innocent little angel and hurt her, that person will not be as evil and guilty of a wrong as will the parents for leaving that four-year-old little girl alone, unsupervised with her two-year-old siblings. I could forgive, maybe, a parent that left a child unsupervised for a brief moment of manic incompetence. But for two parents of three very little children to leave them alone while they go out for a night’s entertainment with other adults indicates that these people had time to think about this, and that this thought process led these two physicians to conclude that leaving a 4 year old and two 2 year olds alone in a hotel room was an acceptable thing to do.

•Sen. Larry Craig’s “wide stance” seems to be a particular source of humor and degradation being applied to the disgraced politician by the reflective media, and not to defend him in this issue one-iota, but if you listened to the tape of his explanation, it makes sense.

When those of us that wear pants lower them for “activities reserved for such positioning of attire when sitting” the fabric of your pant legs will slip down around your shoes and come in contact with the floor. Now, given that the aim of your average airport men’s room occupant is the equivalent of Stevie Wonder pitching horseshoes, any kind of absorbent fabric you are carrying with you should not come in contact with the floor. If you think about it, the way you try to avoid that happening is to stick your feet out wider than your knees so as to keep your pant cuffs (pants cuffs?) off the floor. It makes sense if you think about it.

•In the global warming factoid of the week, did you know that it requires less energy to organically recycle something by throwing it away than it does to physically recycle that same thing by setting it out for the specially scheduled Recycling Truck. Think about it…you have the extra effort and space within your home for keeping regular trash separate from recycled trash; you have the extra walk to the curb on an extra day from regular trash pickup where you are exhaling carbon dioxide in greater quantities while you huff-and-puff on that trip to the curb; you have additional carbon dioxide-laden trips into the yard and street when the wind blows the trash to be recycled out of the bin and into the yard; you have the “monumentous” amounts of extra carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide-belched by the recycling trash truck making a special trip on a special day to pick-up the few bins of recyclable materials your tree-hugging neighbors put out; you have that truck making another trip back to the landfill where what doesn’t blow out of the truck on the highway en-route gets dumped (and operating the hydraulics to do the dump requires extra work by the engine and thus extra carbon dioxide from that normally emitted at idling speeds); and then you have the extra energy expended by the actual recycling process.

When you organically recycle, you put the waste matter into the landfill and nature begins the cycle of life all by itself.

•The Chiefs have resumed their Slide Toward Irrelevance started in the Indianapolis playoff game last January, by getting de-pantsed (de-panted didn’t sound right) by the Houston Texans. Damon Huard seemed rusty, but then again rusty might be his top form, for all we really know. Larry Johnson was under constant harassment as one would expect from an NFL defense faced with a mono-dimensional opposing offense.

The rookie kicker showed he was a waste of a fifth round choice (that was incredible draft stupidity – a 5th on a kicker!) – and now that he apparently has been released, our fears have been realized. So we signed the guy that got out-kicked by the sixth round kicker-pick of the Packers! That’s about as ballsy an admission of inability as you’re going to see out of One Arrowhead Drive methinks.

Truth be told, the defense wasn’t totally inept. Holding the Texans to 20 points aided by two offensive turnovers (I know there were four, but the last two were after the game was essentially decided) wasn’t a bad job for a defense that used to be about as porous as Larry Birkhead’s chain of integrity.

But 3 points from an offensive unit that used to be second in overall firepower only to the Indianapolis Colts is unforgivable. Dick Vermeil didn’t kill the Schottenheimer-Gunther defense this quickly.

The coming season won’t see many wins if this team continues as it is starting.
Oh, and what happened to Priest Holmes?

•The Big 12 last week saw:

KU and OU hammer away and impress – on different planes of course. MU saw more than they thought they would but just won baby. KSU, UT, and NU did what they had to do in less than impressive fashion. Baylor, Oklahoma State, and Texas Tech kind of impressed. Iowa State and Colorado just ain’t getting it yet. Texas A&M showed Kansas State why they aren’t going to win their last regular season game this year.

This week’s slate:

Oklahoma State at Troy: the Cowboys do a Brad Pitt as Achilles to Troy by 21

Iowa at Iowa State: The Hawkeyes find a new place to stick an ear of corn, by 28

Western Mich at Missouri: The Tigers appear ready by 30

Texas Tech at Rice: Steamed or fried? Tech by 40

Utah State at Oklahoma: Sooners by 50

Texas at U-C-F: Texas by 21

Toledo at Kansas: Another cupcake down the gullet KU by 21

UL-Monroe at Texas A&M: Aggies by 7

U-S-C at Nebraska: A new word is invented – Husquerholed which is what happens when a Husker gets obliterated at home. SC by 30

Florida State at Colorado: FSU “helps" the Buffies over the fence rail. FSU by 24

SMSU at Kansas State: Kansas State by 14

And . . .
Notre Dame at Michigan - even, because neither side will score, and not through defensive excellence, but offensive impotence.

(The Landmark never wastes a draft pick, as proven by the fact we chose Brian Kubicki. Give him a parallax look via email to


Why do airport bathroom stalls suddenly seem so wide open?

Posted 9/6/07

This past week has had a very strange feel to it. We’re on the verge of football season, Fred Thompson is kicking the Presidential Campaign into another gear, it’s time to plant grass seed and keep it wet for 10 days while it germinates, and yet nothing is really going on.

We’re ready to handle these high-attention items, but we don’t have to right now. It’s almost kind of relaxing.

•To the KC Star’s Mike Hendricks and all the other liberal boobs complaining that the President tied up traffic on his recent overnight visit to have breakfast at The Corner Café in Riverside – bite me all of you. You know why the President went out of his way to visit The Corner Café in Riverside?

He went there because The Corner Café is one of the finest breakfast places in this entire city. They make the best eggs in town and their cinnamon rolls are orgasmic. Tell Mike Hendricks and all the other liberals at The Red Star to stick the pickles back up their butts and stay out of the Northland.

•Did I mention that I dropped the Star back in December and I haven’t missed it one bit? I highly recommend all right-thinking people drop their subscriptions immediately. You don’t need them.

•For you sports talk radio (or should I say, commercial-laden faux-sports talk radio) fans, I really feel better knowing that Kevin Keitzman is dreaming again.

•The Chiefs are kicking it into some gear this weekend. Damon Huard is taking the reins of an offense that may perhaps be the absolute worst in the NFL. The defense promises to be better. But our transformation from offensive juggernaut-defensive eunuch into offensive eunuch-defensive juggernaut seems to be in its final stages of development. Hold on to your hats. This could get messy.

•As Fred Thompson enters the race for the Republican side of the ticket (he’s apparently getting in this week), we’re going to finally learn whether all the hype and early poll showings are the real thing or the likes of soap bubble breast implants. I think Thompson may have waited too long. The few campaign type speeches he’s given thus far have been underwhelming at best. Also, he looks older in person than he did on TV. He would kill Hillary Clinton in a debate on the issues, though.

Any bets that Thompson actually comes out and throws his support behind Romney?

•Global warming is truly a wonderful thing. The more ice and snow that gets melted, the more soil is exposed and then, the more vegetation growth occurs. The more vegetation growth, the more carbon dioxide that gets processed to oxygen through photosynthesis.
Isn’t the natural cycle of life on earth fascinating?

•The reports on the troop surge in Iraq seem to be consistent in that the surge is working. Violence seems to be more and more under control as the days and weeks pass. Even the enemies of the American military effort, Sens. Carl Levin and Hillary Clinton, admit that the surge is working. This is a bad thing for the Democrats. Remember, they told us so.

•What has happened to the bathroom stall activity in America’s airport men’s restrooms?
Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho, whom I’ve actually never heard of before, apparently did an elaborate foot-dance with an undercover police officer in the Minneapolis airport, and was arrested for disorderly conduct through the solicitation of a person for lewd activity in a public place.

The Democrats seem pleased that they got another Republican caught up in a scandal.
Why is it that Democrats caught in scandals never resign? I thought Democrats believed that lewd activity was the right of every person to express as they please?

At any rate, I went on a plane trip last week and visited a couple of men’s rooms in a major airport on the day that the Craig story reached its crescendo. Normally, a men’s stall is hard to come by soon after a flight lands and the passengers empty out. We all gotta go and for us larger guys, the bathroom on the plane is just too small. But I have to report that on this day almost all the stalls were wide open. I can’t report that this was due to the Craig story, but it is a funny coincidence.

•Alton Brown just made a Cuban sandwich pressed between firebricks that would be monumentous with the hot pickles I’ve got in the fridge just waiting for the right accompaniment.

•Roasted vegetables (zucchini, red bell peppers, onion, and smashed-not-chopped garlic) mixed with cream cheese in a food processor and spread onto slices of bread…..mmmmmmm!

•The Big 12 debut came and went. I don’t keep track of my standings on my predictions. I’m unique in that way.

Next week:

Miami (Fla.) at Oklahoma, Sooners by 21.
Nebraska at Wake Forest, Huskers by 21.
Fresno State at Texas A&M, Aggies by 20.
TCU at Texas, Texas by 10.
UTEP at Texas Tech, Tech by 39.
Colorado at Arizona State, Buffs in a surprise by a touchdown.
Florida Atlantic at Oklahoma State, Cowboys by 21.
Missouri at Mississippi, Ole Miss nips the Tigers by a field goal.
Northern Iowa at Iowa State, Iowa State by 10.
Rice at Baylor, Baylor in a nail biter by 3.
San Jose State at Kansas State, KSU by 21.
Southeastern Louisiana at Kansas, KU by three TD’s – and I lose even if they best the spread as punishment for missing their game last week.

(When not critiquing breakfast foods, Brian Kubicki can be reached at


Compare Lindsay Lohan's sentence to Vick's potential jail time

Posted 8/30/07

•Approval ratings for the Democratic-led Congress have dropped to 18%, which is the lowest since the survey of the public views of the legislature began in 1974. I knew there was a reason I wasn’t seeing Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid on the nightly news sound bite circuit. It has been a pleasant time.

•If Lindsay Lohan is getting 6 days in jail for driving while intoxicated and while in possession of cocaine, Michael Vick should be free from any threat of incarceration. This IS ridiculous. The conflicting set of priorities we employ in our system of jurisprudence baffles normal sensibilities.

•Two of the most influential (read – quoted by the left-leaning media) senators on matters military, the Democratic chairman of the armed services committee, Carl Levin, who has long advocated an early withdrawal from the war on terror, and John Warner, a veteran Republican who recently broke ranks with the President regarding the war, issued statements this week talking about the surge’s success.

So Harry Reid pronouncements earlier this month that the surge wasn’t working were in fact incorrect. Just wanted that noted for the record.

•I am not…repeat NOT…talking to you all about reproductive “abilities” anymore. You see, I have relatives who read this column. My siblings avoid trying to embarrass me to their ultimate betterment. It’s a two-way street. I leave them alone, too.
My parents, however, cannot avoid the opportunity – my mother specifically – Dad is off the hook. I’m happy to report, and apparently so is my mother, that Viagra is nowhere to be found in the medicine chest that my parents employ. And apparently (my mental block in this area as their child prohibits me understanding why) that makes my mother happy.
For some reason, this amuses my wife to a ginormous degree.

•The President had previously carefully avoided making explicit references to Vietnam, especially as it relates to the War on Terror broadly and specifically the Iraq War. Reminding the country that Vietnam is largely recalled as a military mess and associating it with the efforts our military currently maintains in the Middle East is not the wisest move in a national media foray. But that is exactly what the President did last week right here in KC at the National VFW Convention.

•The Chiefs have settled on Damon Huard as the QB that will start the season. The Chiefs could have made no other choice. Based on what Brodie Croyle presented on the field in the preseason, starting him would have been tossing the season into the crapper. The best players play when the games count. That is what professional sports are about.

•President Bush, in perhaps his best speech since the Axis of Evil address, took the anti-war protesters by the ear Wyatt-Earp-style and shoved their noses into the mass of carnage that followed after our Congress turned and ran from the South Vietnamese people after the Vietnam pull-out.

“In Cambodia, the Khmer Rouge began a murderous rule, in which hundreds of thousands of Cambodians died by starvation and torture and execution,” the President said. He continued: “In Vietnam, former allies of the United States and government workers and intellectuals and businessmen were sent off to prison camps, where tens of thousand perished. Hundreds of thousands more fled the country on rickety boats, many of them going to their graves in the South China Sea.”

•Michael Vick is getting railroaded, according to much of the institutional black voices. Do they speak for most of “black America?” Who cares? I’m moving beyond race. I don’t care what “black America” thinks about Michael Vick or anything. I care what people think. I care what Atlanta Falcon fans think. I care what the NFL thinks. I don’t care about responses crafted according to a meaningless physical characteristic.

•The President concluded his speech to the VFW saying he will expand on those thoughts this week in which he will say he has not abandoned his ambitious idea that Iraq could be the standard-bearer of bringing democracy to the Middle East. If he is successful in accomplishing that goal, George W. Bush will be this generation’s Abraham Lincoln.

•I heard a fascinating and intriguing analogy this week on the perception of the Presidential campaign of Hillary Clinton. Ann Coulter said that Hillary is the Democrats’ Bob Dole from 1996. That’s perfect. Dole was known, predictable, and fatally flawed. It was his turn. As a result, President Clinton won a second term. That is Hillary to a tee.

•Big 12 football baby (See The Landmark's special Big 12 section on page B-2)…Week one is upon us. Here goes…wager in a friendly manner…

Colorado State falls to Colorado…35-13
Nevada is steamrolled by Nebraska…42-21
Missouri pastes Illinois….28-14
Baylor is not stunned, but loses anyway at TCU….21-7
Oklahoma State falls at Georgia….24-21
Arkansas State is ambushed at Texas…..62-5
North Texas is eaten alive by Oklahoma…..63-7
Kansas State stumbles at Auburn…..35-0
And Texas Tech swallows their tongues at SMU…..24-10

(The Landmark's Brian Kubicki never swallows his tongue. Let him tell you how to avoid it via email to



Uncle Walter aparently lied to America; does Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Barnes care?

Posted 8/26/07

•Well, I guess Michael Vick isn’t going to try and prove that the animals he fought were his pets. It probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway since they had him on interstate gambling charges in addition to the illegal dog fighting conspiracy charges.

•An amazing new material has been developed and is currently being refined for the 21st century that could protect our homes against bomb blasts, mop up oil spills, and even help man fly to Mars in warm, toasty happiness.

Called Aerogel, one of the world’s lightest solids, it can withstand a direct blast of one kilogram of dynamite and protect against heat from a blowtorch at more than 1,300C. Innovative new applications for the substance range from the next generation of tennis rackets to super-insulated space suits for a manned mission to Mars perhaps.

Aerogel has the lowest density of any product known to man, yet at the same time it can do so much. Potential applications include: filtering polluted water, insulating against extreme temperatures, cleaning up oil spills and other pollutant accidents, bombproof buildings, armor for military vehicles and battle gear, and mountain climbing attire where it is actually reported to be too efficient at containing heat transfer and causes excessive sweating by climbers in frigid environments.

Nicknamed “frozen smoke,” Aerogel is made by extracting water from a silica gel, then replacing it with gas such as carbon dioxide. Yes, that carbon dioxide that we humans generate and exhale and is being used by the Goreans as the demon gas that causes global warming. It is carbon dioxide that makes this wonderful material that in an 18mm thick layer (almost ¾ inch) insulates an astronaut from ambient temperatures as low as -130 degrees Celsius.

Kind of makes you think about all the possibilities right under our noses and how unwise it is to demonize a very basic chemical of life.

•Adrian Cronauer, who was the inspiration for the late ‘80’s Vietnam era film, Good Morning Vietnam, and was played by Robin Williams in the well-regarded film, now works for the Department of Defense for the POW/MIA Office. Cronauer gave an interview to AM 710’s Chris Stigall last week (best all-around local talk show host, by the way) and made some very interesting comments about the American media’s role in that war.  Walter Cronkite went to Vietnam and reported back to the American people through his CBS megaphone that America had lost the Tett Offensive.  Cronauer says that the North Vietnamese were almost completely destroyed as a result of that offensive, that Cronkite lied, and that he was ultimately responsible for more damage to America in that war than Jane Fonda.

I wonder if Kay Waldo-CRONKITE-Pelosi-Reid-Kucinich-Roddam-Clinton-Barnes is aware of this and is still keeping “Uncle Walter” on the campaign payroll?

•Amid the tragedy and sadness surrounding the realization that the six trapped miners in Utah are likely fatally trapped given the deaths occurring among the miners digging to reach them, a little worldwide perspective might be useful.

An estimated 172 people were reported missing Saturday when a coal mine in eastern China was flooded by surface water, as reported by state media. The cause of the accident which precipitated the flooding was being investigated.

The facts are that China’s coal mines are the most dangerous in the world and fatal accidents happen almost every day. Accurate figures are difficult to ascertain, given the closed Chinese Communist government, but “official” figures put more than 4,700 workers killed last year. Independent mining labor groups put the real death toll at 20,000 a year, with many accidents covered up by the government.

•That Viva Viagra ad playing on TV is an absolute farce. If you haven’t seen it, there are about a half dozen 40-somethings sitting around in a garage strummin’ on their guitars and drums singing the praises of newly discovered male virility to the tone of Elvis’ famous Vegas tune.

I’ve got two major problems with this.

First of all, 40-somethings, of which I are (allegedly), don’t generally suffer from softened pencil lead syndrome. My personal experience is akin to a flag flying at full staff for as long as the army marches. Admittedly, a few of us in this age group have a problem in this area, but the great majority of men this ad should be addressing are of a much more advanced age – such that a forklift would be required to sufficiently raise the load. Cater the ads to them. We 40-somethings have enough challenges to life without having to bear the burden that all the women out there think we are in need of artificial wind behind our sails. Stop throwing us 40-somethings onto the fire in the fervor to generate a market need for your product.

The marketing weenies took the easy way out on this one.

•Here’s a nice joke to end your foray into idiocy…(from the wonderful folks at

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
wife,” said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found
your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

"Oh my God!” exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up she had twelve twenty-five pound king crabs and six good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the
great news?”

The trooper said, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow.

(Our own Brian Kubicki leads a lovable leap into a foray of idiocy each week. Contact him at


Is sexual preference born or chosen?

Posted 8/16/07

Congratulations to the 20,000 entrants in last Sunday’s Susan Komen Race for the Cure.
It was indeed a grand sight with all those people gathered to support a stricken loved one, remember one lost to the dread disease of breast cancer, or simply to support a good cause. Yours truly was present. I couldn’t resist the hot weather run. Naturally, I was attired in black shorts and a black AC/DC T-shirt. It was indeed fun.

•Melissa Etheridge was one of the moderators of the Gay Democrat Debate last week (Is there a fringe group that won't have a Democrat debate?) and New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson was queried by Mr. or Mrs. Etheridge whether he believes that homosexuality is a choice or a genetic characteristic set at birth.

Gov. Richardson answered that it was a choice. After Etheridge picked her jaw up off the floor, she asked the question again in an even more condescending way to which the governor expounded that he doesn’t believe in characterizing people in ways that aren’t completely and clearly defined by science.

Since that time, gay agenda groups have been using Gov. Richardson like Peta going to town on a Michael Vick piñata. It has been so ugly that Gov. Richardson’s handlers basically completely contradicted him after the debate.

Actually, if you are there only to pander to the special interest group that invited you, his answer was indeed damaging to his already fledgling candidacy.

But if you think about the issue, and really consider his answer, he makes more sense than almost anybody (second to me of course).

If homosexuality is genetic, not a choice, why are lesbians born with ovaries and why are gays born with testicles? Wouldn’t the human genome, if it was destined by design to create a homosexual person, nix reproductive organs inside that person?

If the gay political lobby wants the rest of the world to recognize homosexuality as genetic characteristic present at birth, is celibacy, as practiced by some religious people, also genetic and why would they have reproductive organs?

•Of course the answer to these “dire” questions is we are all human beings. How one chooses to express their sexuality is their own personal choice, prevailing laws notwithstanding. Genetics makes all of us different. Some of us like broccoli. Some of you like lima beans (YUK!). I can choose to eat broccoli. I can choose to never eat broccoli. The same goes for lima beans. The core of human sexuality is that the union between a male and a female produces more of the species.

That’s obviously why marriage has been limited in official government definitions to those unions between a man and a woman.

•Rest in peace, Merv Griffin. What might have been the most powerful man in daytime television is leaning forward in his chair in heaven tonight listening to the answer he no doubt posed St. Peter about whether sexual preference is born or chosen.

•The Chiefs did not show much, or perhaps they did, last Saturday against the Cleveland Browns. Both Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle were fairly pathetic. The offense was dull and predictable (as we feared). The defense looked aggressive and it was nice to see Donnie Edwards back out there. But much of that might have been the Cleveland Browns.

They aren’t pretty.

If this season gets ugly very quickly, as I have predicted, the sniping on Herm Edwards will be fast and vicious. Herm’s demeanor leads to that. I can see where those stories of his being ridden out of New York by the media came from. He really doesn’t have the demeanor for the job of an NFL head coach. He seems to take things way too personally.

If Edwards is not successful in KC, that will be part of the reason. He could be so preoccupied with what others think of him that he takes his eye off of what he is there for – football.

•My Big 12 football predictions are finally ready. Many hours of painstaking research went into these, so if you are taking these picks to Vegas, make sure my name is nowhere attached to anything in writing.


Nebraska – Huskers finally have a really good one to run the passing attack in Keller.
Colorado – The nuttiest coach in the Big 12 will turn some heads this season.
Missouri – This might do it for Pinkel if they don’t make a bowl game.
Kansas State – Prince survives a lackluster season because KSU is now a basketball school.
Kansas – Mangino’s swan song.
Iowa State – New season, new coach – mulligan year.


Oklahoma – Stoops’ defense is locked-n-loaded.
Texas – Still the most talented, but the Sooners will start stopping them again.
Texas A&M – Franchione is turning the corner.
Oklahoma State – I think I predicted this finish for the Cowboys last year.
Texas Tech – How long will Red Raiders fans stand for all offense and no defense?
Baylor – Better? They won’t win a conference game.

Championship Game: Oklahoma vs. Nebraska; Sooners win.

(Our Brian Kubicki pontificates and prognosticates for your Landmark from his home in southern Platte County. Reach him at


Why are liberals catering to nutty bloggers?

Liberal young people traditionally don't bother to vote

Posted 8/9/07

This was another one of those weeks…man, there’s a lot going on.

•First off, how ‘bout this weather? This is without a doubt my favorite time of year. The temperature is nearing triple digits, it’s hot and steamy, and my carbon footprint is reaching Yeti proportions.

The workout to end all workouts is an end-of-the-workweek run in the heat of the afternoon sun; 2-4 miles long depending on the degree of stress in the week, and culminating in a hot-as-you-can-stand-it shower (drink plenty of water before and after of course).

If you’ve got a toxin left in your body after that treatment, head for a hospital.

•What in the world is going on with these anti-war liberals running for president and why are they catering to these nuttier-than-squirrel-poop bloggers like the Daily Kos?
They actually allowed the last Democrat presidential debate to be sponsored by the blogspot. Has anybody told the Democrats that young people, especially liberal young people, traditionally don’t bother to vote – and they sure as hell don’t have any money to contribute to presidential campaigns? Remember MTV’s Rock the Vote campaign from the last presidential election? All those young people were finally geared up to pay attention to politics and were going to make a difference. Except this time, just like all the other times, the young people lost interest in politics by the time the election rolled around.

That’s no knock on them. That is the way of American life. Politics becomes important when your income level grows to the point that government’s stealing of it becomes a thing you pay attention to. Young people don’t pay very much, relatively, in taxes.

•Here’s some more global warming politics of scale that nobody in the Gorean Cult that wants us to believe we’re killing the planet will tell you.

Remember a couple of weeks ago we learned that the total volume of the atmosphere around the earth is 87 billion cubic miles? O.K. Now carbon dioxide is 0.038% of the volume of the earth’s atmosphere. That is 33 million cubic miles of carbon dioxide. 97% of that is due to natural sources. Only 3% of that is due to human sources.

Even though I call that number into question for its accuracy (I mean who is measuring the volume of cow farts?), I’ll use that number for this illustration of facts. So 3% of 33 million cubic miles is 994,000 billion cubic miles. That number is 0.00114% (that is one hundred and fourteen ten-thousandths of one percent…a teeny-tiny smattering speck of one percent), and is a very small number.

So let’s say we all in the ocean every day for about 100 years, which is about the amount of time these looneys say we have been polluting the planet through industrialization. 6 billion people peeing 400 milliliters every time we go right into the ocean for 100 years results in about 450 cubic kilometers of urine. The total volume of seawater on the earth is 1.3 billion cubic kilometers. Compared to the total volume of the sea, that is a mere 0.000034%, or about 3 and a half ten-thousandths of a single percent – a very small number.

So you see, human contribution to global warming is indeed akin to peeing in the ocean. I dare you to whip this argument out at a party. It beats the hell out of my quadrillion ant theory.

•Mitt Romney is looking better and better in the Republican race. He looks the part. He also is very quick on his feet in terms of glibness and anticipation of the media’s left turns. He just may be Bill Clinton’s match in that regard and makes George Bush look like Elmer Fudd.

You know, the big media is blathering on that the Democrat side is well-defined and populated with momentum behind a single candidate (Hillary) and that supposedly gives them an edge over the Republicans.

On the Republican side, the media says that none of the candidates are setting the campaign afire. But in reality, there are more viable candidates on the Republican side than there are on the Democrat side. It is truly a tougher choice on the right.

The Democrats are all far left liberals – there is no variety.

•The Bourne Ultimatum is the best espionage action-adventure I have ever seen. It beats the other two movies in the series hands down. It reduces James Bond to a milk-fed colicky baby. Tom Cruise is a Hobbit next to Jason Bourne.

The Ultimatum is non-stop, barely-take-a-breath action, suspense and adventure that is not to be missed. Catch it when you can.

•Barack Obama took some major hits this week after he said in the Democrat debate that he, as president, would sit down to tea with Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez but he would bomb Pakistan, one of our allies.

That bout with lunacy sent Obama’s campaign into the flush cycle with Hillary manning the handle. (Sorry, that allusion is as far as even I can go.)

•Big 12 football is almost here. I am nearly complete in looking closely at what’s coming, so you’ll have to give me a few more weeks to come out with my fearful prognostications. (You know how hard it is to calculate the average daily volume of a human urine output?)

(When he isn't peeing in the ocean, The Landmark's Brian Kubicki is cranking out pieces for this juggernaut journalistic enterprise. Reach him at


Shark Week is the best television of the year

And why Thompson is yet to announce for president

Posted 8/2/07


•Shark Week is the best television of the year – every year. The 2007 edition, occurring as I write this, has featured thus far a Cookiecutter Shark that zips around the ocean taking bites out of swimming tuna that look, after the attack, like someone took an oval steel cookie-cutter and carved a perfect 6” oval chunk of meat out of the larger fish’s side – imagine that hitting you in the side of your gut or in your thigh during a brief ocean swim.

•The most compelling story of Shark Week 2007 was the plight of the sailors of the World War II ship the Indianapolis which went down to Japanese torpedo attack in 1945. 900 men went into the water. Only 316 were rescued four days later. Most of the 600 lost to the sea died from exposure or injury. An uncounted number of men were eaten by sharks. Imagine 80 hours adrift in the Philippine Sea with no water to drink, no food to eat, sharks slowly preying on you and your mates, and no hope for rescue.

•I am truly amazed that the local media is making such a tremendous fuss over the running back stories surrounding the 2007 Chiefs. If you were just tuning in, you’d think the Super Bowl Champions were unraveling at the seams. So Larry Johnson is holding out for more money and Priest Holmes is trying a comeback. Neither of those scenarios are difficult to imagine.

LJ is a stick of dynamite with a half-burned fuse. His NFL record number of carries in 2006 is a marker of longevity death like a Cookiecutter shark bite gouged out of a tuna. He is demanding his cash now, before he burns out. The only benefit to the Chiefs is if LJ lasts more than one or two 400+ carry seasons (he won’t). So why would they give him top money?

•Priest Holmes is either legitimately interested in playing again or is negotiating bait to get LJ’s goat. My money’s on the latter. Nobody comes back to the NFL after that long of a layoff – especially not a running back that gets treated by NFL linebackers like Rosie O’Donnell coming-up for air in a shark tank. But if there was one NFL player we should learn to not count out, it is this one.

Remember the hip injury, the one that was so very similar to the career ending injury suffered by Bo Jackson? We all said Priest was done. But he came back better than ever. The book on Holmes though can’t overlook that this is Herm Edwards’ offense – not Dick Vermeil’s/Al Saunders’.

•Folks…this Chiefs team is going to stink out loud. The defense is going to be NFL average. The offense fell in efficiency further last season than any NFL offense ever fell in one single season. Herm Edwards took a great offense and reduced it to a tendon-less skeleton that failed to gain a single first down in an entire half of NFL Playoff football. If he can do that in one season, how much farther can he kill it in another?

I will be surprised if the 2007 Chiefs get more than 4 wins. Gird your loins, Chiefs fans. This could get ugly.

•I guarantee you this following story is going to be cut-and-pasted into thousands of small business email systems across the world…

In Fulton County, Georgia, police report that a business owner mired in financial crisis shot and killed his only two employees after they asked him for a raise.

East Point police said 38-year old Rolandas Milinavicius confessed to the killings, reporting that he was under a lot of stress because of heavy debts with his business. He told authorities conversations in recent weeks with his only two employees about pay raises pushed him over the edge.

East Point detectives launched a nationwide manhunt for the Lithuanian native Thursday after his wife discovered the employees’ bodies at R.M. Auto International on Willingham Drive near Central Avenue. A 28-year-old man and 25-year-old woman had been shot to death.

Milinavicius faces two counts of murder with more charges pending. He is due to go before a judge at the Fulton County Jail Monday afternoon.

•I think I’ve figured-out why Fred Thompson is waiting to launch his campaign for president. If he comes out now, he’s simply another mannequin in an in-decipherable gaggle of candidates vying for the nomination that won’t be decided for almost a year. Meanwhile, the drowning candidates are running out of energy to keep treading water and the guys in the lifeboat are watching their money slowly but steadily dribble away.

Meanwhile, Fred waits and watches, and goes on every conservative talk radio and TV show and watches Law and Order re-runs gaining valuable exposure in syndication heaven. When the field is thinned of the chaff, candidate Thompson steps-in with his hot wife and fat campaign wallet and dips his hungry maw into the bloated and draining guts of Rudy Giuliani and John McCain.

•I saw a very large flatbed truck taking a huge (at least 100 ft. long) wind turbine propeller blade north on I-435 the other day. As I passed, I pointed and laughed.

•I am no lawyer, though I like poking them with logic sticks now and again, but as far as the Animal Welfare Act is concerned, Michael Vick is not subject to its dog fighting-is-illegal provision if he can prove that the animals under his care are his pets. Look it up.

•The Bourne Ultimatum is the movie of the week in this American’s life. I wince whenever I hear Matt Damon try to express his leftist political beliefs, but he was born to play Jason Bourne (sorry).

(Brian Kubicki is a Landmark shark circling in the water. Contact him at




Trouble, and PETA, will follow Falcons in '07

But are staged cockroach fights still legal?

Posted 7/27/07


Holy Guacamole – wouldn’t you hate to be Michael Vick right about now? This guy had it all…NFL star, he just about owned the city of Atlanta, the most exciting player in the league…is there anything that de-rails that more than to be arrested for alleged association with an illegal dog fighting operation?

Looking beyond the obvious pain and suffering caused by being caught in a scandal involving illegal activities, which in this day of Pac-Man Jones being outright banned from the NFL for the coming season and the Cincinnati Bengals nearly sending more players to the police blotter than they sent to the Pro Bowl, is about as welcomed by the NFL as Tom Cruise would be at a American Psychiatric Association bonfire.

The real pain for the NFL and Vick is in having to address the politically-correct crowd that is absolutely in love with dogs in this country. Believe me when I tell you that there are people drinking their morning coffee among us that would like nothing better than to set aside the warmest corner of hell for those that acknowledge the truth that certain parts of the world actually consider dogs a food source. PETA alone would gladly bring public hanging back into vogue if it could be instituted as punishment for staging dog fights.
This coming NFL season is going to be very interesting, wherever Atlanta plays.

•We are slowly and gradually beginning to pack up the belongings for an eventual move a few feet across the border to the Sunflower State some months hence and the need to wrap breakables in impact resistant ways necessitated purchase of some newspapers. Yes, I’m trying to say, in a round-about way, that I broke down and bought Sunday’s edition of the KC Star.

I’ll refrain from my typical rant about the utter lack of objectivity exhibited by our local fishwrap. Instead, I have a personal note. Inside the Arts & Entertainment section, Section F, are a couple of features that illustrate through association what I, your humble weekly columnist, do with my time between assembling a Parallax Look each week.

Page F5 of the section introduces the acoustical designers of the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts, and illustrates a bit of what they do. That is what I do, and have done, just about every day for the last 20 years, acoustical consulting. The only difference between that company and the one I work for (other than their being from Japan) is we don’t only focus on performing arts centers. We work on just about every other type of facility, from condominiums to 70,000 seat stadiums.

The other interesting part of this section of the paper is found in the photo on page F1. The outgoing Kansas City Repertory Theatre artistic director, Peter Altman, is shown seated on a stool on the stage of the Rep’s new downtown KC drama venue, the Copaken Stage, which is a part of the new H&R Block Headquarters building. The Copaken Stage was acoustically designed by my company, and me in particular. If you ever take in a play at this pretty cool auditorium, let me know how the sound was, and also take note if you ever hear an ambulance siren occurring outdoors – I wonder about such things.

The rest of the paper is wrapped around Grandma’s china.

•Can I continue my weekly staged cockroach fights without fear of legal retribution?

•The underground, under-street explosion of an 80 year old steam line in New York City sent residents of the Crazy City into vapor-lock last week. Beside the obvious terrorism fears, there were also concerns about what was spewed into the air from the blast. Many of the pipes that carry steam underground through the city are wrapped in asbestos. Mayor Michael Bloomberg said, “The big fear that we have is there may or may not have been asbestos release.”


Relax, New York. Once again, the environmental nutbags are overstating the perceived threat. If you read about the asbestos threat and how it came to be, you’ll learn that it is only a concern for people who are in a very specific and controlled environment. You have to be around asbestos when it is in a “friable” (dry…dessicated) state, AND you have to be exposed to it in a confined area, AND you have to be exposed to it in these conditions over a long period of time – years – in order for asbestos related illnesses to take hold. Humans in New York City are at greater risk of tuberculosis on a day-to-day basis than they are asbestosis.

Now the asbestos looyeahs (attorneys for those who don’t listen to Michael Savage regularly) in my reading crowd will warn that a virulent form of lung cancer, mesothelioma, is suspected to cause the lung disease on very short term exposures – 1 to 3 months. They say “suspected” because of the following (taken from

Experimental evidence suggests that asbestos acts as a complete carcinogen with the development of mesothelioma occurring in sequential stages of initiation and promotion. The molecular mechanisms underlying the malignant transformation of normal mesothelial cells by asbestos fibers remain unclear despite the demonstration of its oncogenic capabilities. However, complete in vitro transformation of normal human mesothelial cells to malignant phenotype following exposure to asbestos fibres has not yet been achieved. In general, asbestos fibers are thought to act through direct physical interactions with the cells of the mesothelium in conjunction with indirect effects following interaction with inflammatory cells such as macrophages.

What that says is, though they suspect asbestos causes cancer, they can’t make it happen when they actually insert asbestos fibers into living lung tissue in controlled laboratory conditions. They’re only guessing. Mesothelioma litigation cases are a multi-billion dollar legal claims industry right now, and they are guessing.

•If the dogs that unfortunately lost their lives in dog fights were eaten after they perished, would that make everything justified? And just for the record, any acts of animal cruelty are an understandable violation of the system of laws we agree to enforce as a free society. It’s just that the line is blurred when you look at other warm-blooded animals that make my mouth water.

•That explosion was caused by a condition known as “water hammer,” the result of condensation of water inside a steam pipe. The sudden mix of hot steam and cool water can cause pressure to skyrocket, bursting the pipe.

•Big 12 college football is almost here! Look for my fearful prognostications in the coming weeks.

(Brian Kubicki and his fearful prognostications can be analyzed with an email to


Why attack the lay midwifery profession?

Childbirth is not a medical procedure

Posted 7/19/07

If you think about it for a minute, this carbon credit scam that the environmentalists foist upon us as an excuse for their large carbon footprints (mine is getting bigger by the day!) is like after a sumptuous dinner of steak au-poivre, steamed asparagus and potatoes au-gratin, you order-up a dessert of a steamy pile of dog poop.

“Wait a minute…” you say to yourself, “Brian can’t possibly be equating green energy with a couple of stinky lawn sausages, can he?”

Bear with me. I’ll take you there via the logic wagon - hang on.

You see, Al Gore burns about 20 times the energy as the average Tennessee resident (Good for him, by the way!). Now, he justifies telling you and I to stop using so much energy by purchasing carbon credits. Carbon credits are funds given to utility companies, as energy purchased, in return for those companies then generating more so-called “green energy.” Green energy is energy generated by non-fossil fuel sources like wind or solar power.

Now we come to the issue of what really separates burning fossil fuels from wind and solar power — efficiency. What is the cost of generating a kilowatt of energy among the various sources? Wind and solar power today costs about 40 cents a kilowatt-hour (kWH) to generate. It has come down in recent years. It used to cost as much as $1 per kWH. Not bad. But energy generated today via coal driven steam turbines costs only about 8 cents/kWH.

So in reality, buying carbon credits is asking the energy consuming public to use energy in a more inefficient manner – like eating dog-doo for dessert (it is still sustenance – your body will use it, but not as efficiently as it will use a delicious slice of cherry flavored cheesecake).

•The Catholic Diocese of Los Angeles’ settlement with hundreds of persons sexually abused by clergy in the diocese over the past 30-odd years comes to the tune of $660 million. That’s hardly enough to compensate the victims for having their innocence taken from them, and merely a pittance of what the Catholic Church holds throughout the world.
I am not impressed in any way, shape, or form that this settlement means anything going forward because the established and Papally-accepted policy for the church dealing with priests that are proven to be guilty of sexual abuse on one occasion is to keep them in the church.

That’s too much secrecy for an organization that committed so very many atrocities under the veil of institutional privacy. Not again.

•John McCain’s campaign is circling the drain as campaign staffers are scattering like clean-up volunteers after the Live Aid concert.

Why does the traditional media sound so surprised? They only cared about McCain when he served as the lone Republican the left-leaning media needed to oppose President Bush.
Now that the President is a lame-duck, especially so after the stinging immigration defeat, they have no further need for John McCain. And since the conservatives never had any use for McCain, he’s left adrift at sea in a rubber boat with a sun-sensitive porcupine with an attitude as a boat mate.

•Why are doctors’ organizations attacking the fine, tradition-rich profession of lay midwifery?

At issue is a recent state law passed in Jefferson City and signed into law by the governor allowing lay midwives to assist in the delivery of babies in the state. Previous legislation ruled that such an action was a felony punishable by up to 7 years in prison. The law is set to go into effect at the end of August, but lobbyists for doctors’ groups have found a judge in Cole County to temporarily set aside the law pending review of a preliminary injunction.
I’ve got two takes on this issue.

First of all, I have personal experience with this because two of my children were born attended by a midwife. They were certified nurse midwives, as opposed to lay-midwives, but that was our choice as parents. We had gone through the traditional, doctor-controlled, choice-less, and hurried process that has become the practice of physician-driven childbirth with our firstborn. That wasn’t how my spouse wanted to deliver her children, and I was in no position to argue with her (not that I would). The key part of this is that this is how we chose to allow childbirth to occur.

This is what leads to my second take. What has happened, up to the point of judicial intervention, is how our legislative body works. The representatives we elect vote on legislation presented and the governor either signs it or vetoes it. Judicial activism has no place in government. If you lose representation on the legislature, vote different when they come up again. Don’t go crying to the first sympathetic judge you can find to redress your personal grievance. (Now I’m starting to get mad!)

Both doctors and midwives, lay and certified nurse midwives, will tell you, as they tell all expectant parents, that childbirth is a natural process. That means that childbirth is not a medical procedure. They’ll also tell you that consistent prenatal care is essential to birth – regardless of the method in which the child is delivered.

•Incidentally, did I ever point-out that the total volume of the earth’s atmosphere is 1.28x1022?

For the numerically-challenged, that is 12,832,711,839,500,000,000,000 cubic feet, or 13 sextillion cubic feet, or 87 billion cubic miles! You still think we can drown the atmosphere with carbon dioxide and water vapor? Burp…

(Hot dang, we're proud he's our noted expert on global warming. Email Brian at


Global warming concert defeats the point

Nearly a qurter million air miles racked up int he deal

Posted 7/13/07


Live Earth…Al Gore’s concert to focus attention on the “problem” of global warming occurred last weekend and the best analogy I heard this week came from talk radio:

"Staging a worldwide benefit concert to focus awareness on global warming is like staging a hot dog eating contest to focus awareness on obesity.”

At latest count, nearly a quarter of a million air miles were racked up getting the stars to the concerts.


•Ads playing on the radio this week have been singing the sad song that times are tough and not going well for local animal shelters. The point of the ads is to urge listeners to visit their local animal shelter and adopt a pet. Apparently, things aren’t going well at animal shelters when the furnace conveyor is active.

Conversely, it is utterly heartbreaking for humanity that newspapers like The KC Star glow in support when abortion mills like Planned Parenthood fight like demons-dragged into a church against operating restrictions like the new law in Missouri requiring facilities performing surgical abortions to be classified as ambulatory surgical centers.
Somewhere along the way, our priorities took a wrong turn.

•Is there anything to be taken seriously about a drugged out rock star standing on a stage and preaching to those of us who work for a living about the error of our ways in burning coal and progressing as a people?

•Al Gore wants us to ban the building of coal burning power plants. He has minions that also spoke about instituting carbon taxes.

Didn’t I tell you that was coming?

•Al Gore and his band of proponents of global socialism are singing a happy tune of enchantment to a mass of technical ignorants that have a pretty loud megaphone powered by the recording industry. They sing, and listen to, happy tunes of how they can plant a daisy and save the earth or stick a potato in a tailpipe and save a cute bunny.

These very same horribly misguided people paint their opposition as greedy, mustached, black-caped, hook-nosed, Snidely Whiplashes dripping in oil, besotted with coal dust and working to profit off the burning of the earth. They are a nasty bunch that smile and pat us on the back while they rob us blind from the other side.

If we listen carefully to the fullest extent of the environmentalist rhetoric, can you see the similarity to the growth of Nazism by painting the Jewish Nation as evil and not worthy of remaining free? Now, mind you, I’m not saying the socialists want to exterminate capitalists – but who doesn’t believe they would chortle with glee if their conservative ideas were tossed into a furnace.

Chilling nonetheless.

•What happened to Fred Thompson and his Independence Day entry into the Presidential race?

•I really hope Barry Bonds pulls a major muscle in the coming days.

•The next milestone in the sports calendar is…you know it – NFL football training camp! I realize that the Chiefs are going to really stink out loud this season, but the heat of summer’s dog days means the NFL camps are getting ready and no matter what the prognostication, it is the NFL.

•And I know that many of you diehards are holding-out hope for an extended playoff run after last year's “memorable” playoff performance (memorable only for its record futility), but I’m here to remind you – it ain’t happening under Herm Edwards.

He kills offense for breakfast and improves defenses. So he killed what we did that was good (offense) and slightly raised the level of that which we did really bad (defense). The net result of that combination is not an extended playoff run.

•When is one of the Presidential candidates going to endorse the Fair Tax concept?

•Do you ever wake up in a cold sweat out of a horrid nightmare that Hillary Clinton wins the White House?

•Do you thank your lucky stars that Hillary Clinton doesn’t look like Catherine Zeta Jones?

•Sorry for the less-than-eloquent effort this week. I am under the weather. It is either a peptic ulcer, food poisoning, or mid-summer malaise. I’ll let you know the verdict.

(Eloquent or not, Landmark readers always get a Parallax Look from Brian Kubicki. Diagnose his ailment via email to



Why all the hubbub over Princess Diana?

And is the U.S. health care system really a failure?

Posted 7/3/07

The U.K. celebrated, this past weekend, with a star-studded concert what would have been the 46th birthday of former Princess Diana.

Incidentally, I will be 45 this December, if any of you want to alert the media. Hey…I accomplished more, or at least as much as, Princess Diana. She had two children. I had three. She married and divorced someone famous – and then divorced them. I married a wonderful person and remain with that person for going on 21 years now. Her mother-in-law hated her. My mother-in-law used to hate me (I’ve always suspected), but she grew to love me – as almost all people who encounter me eventually do.

She gave to charities. I give to charities. She was attractive (if you’re into that kind of boyish look). I have my days. Sir Elton John wrote a song in her honor after she died. My wife once cursed me out with a phrase that actually rhymed.

The point of all this, of course, is that all this hubbub over Princess Diana is enough already. She lived, she cheated, she divorced, and she died.
Let’s move on already.

•Michael Moore’s new fantasy adventure, Sicko, attacks the U.S. health care industry, and as one might expect, paints the U.S. as having the absolute worst health care system in the free world. So as a result, of course, he recommends changing the system to one the not-so-free world uses – socialized medicine.

Well, for what it’s worth, the U.S. Census Bureau recently announced that in 2005, 44.8 million people, or 15.3 percent of the population, were without health insurance.

What that means, of course, is that 85% of Americans have health insurance under our current system. Most of the rest are covered through Medicare and Medicaid.

Isn’t that an indicator of a successful health care system overall? I mean, no health care system is perfect. Under socialized health care, everybody gets some kind of health care. Nobody gets really awesome health care. 85% is a pretty good number.

The real issue we ought to be looking at is that Michael Moore made an entire movie attacking a system that is largely successful, to the degree that 85% of the citizens of the country are served in some manner by at least catastrophic health care coverage? Is that an indication of a travesty or even a controversy?

•The Kansas Attorney General, Paul Morrison, last week announced the filing of 19 misdemeanor charges against a high-profile abortion provider, George Tiller, who specializes in the cessation of life of viable babies only weeks from delivery.

The charges culminated a six-month investigation into allegations that the doctor performed illegal late-term abortions. The investigation was initiated by Morrison’s predecessor, Phill Kline, who filed 30 charges against Tiller prior to leaving office January 8 of this year.

The Star editorialized last Sunday that Morrison conducted a “thorough investigation” into the controversial doctor’s actions. What the newspaper neglects to note, though, that the Morrison campaign for the Attorney General post was built upon allegations that then-incumbent Phill Kline’s investigation into Tiller and his clinic was nothing but a fishing expedition based on nothing and that Kline was only interested into looking into private medical records. Apparently, such was not the case.

Now, a responsible Attorney General, a highly trained and qualified investigator and prosecutor such as Morrison was purported to be, will extend the investigation into years 2004-2007 to see if Tiller was doing this or anything else illegal. Though, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for that one.

The key to this case that nobody, certainly at the Star, will tell you is that Tiller has a Political Action Committee that poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into the attorney general campaign of Paul Morrison, a recently converted Democrat (Well, re-converted. You see, Morrison was originally a Democrat that worked in Dennis Moore’s District Attorney’s office. Seems that the Democrat governor of the State of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius recruited Morrison to run against Kline for Attorney General, and Tiller’s PAC stepped-up with the cash needed to get the job done.)

Peeeeyou! Politics really stinks in Kansas.

•I know, I know…you’re saying. “Hey Brian, why all this interest in the politics of Kansas? You live in Platte County, Missouri.”

Well, this IS kind of a big issue. There are young girls in Missouri that get into trouble, are abandoned by their spineless boyfriends and in a moment of dread and panic travel across the border to Wichita to allow Tiller to “take care of things.” Tiller is one of a few doctors that will stoop to infanticide as a method of medical practice.

And also, I am, at some point in the coming year, moving to the state of Kansas, Johnson County specifically, so you’ll hear me spout off on some of the issues in Kansas and Johnson County at times – when they are funny at least. Oh, I’ll still comment occasionally on Platte County – and the 6th District specifically and particularly on the candidacy of Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Pelosi-Reid-Roddam-Clinton-Barnes. I couldn’t let that one go.

•We’re entering the dog-days of summer and the month of July should hopefully be sweltering. If you are out driving through Platte County at 2 p.m. in the afternoon and encounter a sad-looking guy running along the side of a dirt road, honk and wave. Just don’t run him over (you’ll notice that when you approach, he deftly moves to the gutter or the sidewalk if there is one – I am nothing if not considerate).

•I’ll sure be glad when sports is sufficiently relevant to talk about once again. I enjoy politics and issues, but c’mon, I am a complex being. I need diversity.

(Prince Brian pens his political prose from his Platte County penthouse. Help him celebrate his royal accomplishments with an email to



Here's hoping Roe and Glorioso bring it on

Candidates don't get hurt by aggressive campaigns

Posted 6/29/07

I got a free KC Star Sunday edition, for some unknown reason. Since cancelling the Liberal newsrag in December, I’ve been inundated by no-message-leaving calls from the Star – purportedly for the purpose of re-subscribing to the newspaper. Well, here is reason number 10,000 for not doing so.

Thomas McClanahan, the lone pseudo-conservative editorial columnist at The Star, opined in this particular edition on local Republican politico Jeff Roe, who is running 6th District Rep. Sam Graves’ re-election campaign.

The professional slam-job…err article, was trying to paint Roe as a sleazy campaign hit man who would bring down Graves and any campaign that he ran, and to the most unbiased reader had liberal Democrat politico Steve Glorioso’s sniveling little greasy mitts all over it. 

Glorioso, who is running Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Pelosi-Reid-Roddam-Clinton Barnes’ bid to unseat Graves, has a reputation in political circles that put the slime in greasy.  If you are a reputable, journalistic ethics-driven newspaper, don’t you write the story about both sides?  Roe and Glorioso are both going after the same thing and they will use the same methods. They have in the past and they will in the future. That is the way political campaigns are won.

And truth be told, I wholly endorse both campaigns to run as dirty a campaign as their respective stomachs can muster.  The claim that a candidate hurts their chances by running an aggressive, competitive campaign is like saying that making food smell good detracts from one’s appetite.  I’m ready to see how creative both sides can be. That’s what makes politics entertaining to those of us who vote the issues and have our minds already made up. Bring it on, baby!

•What in the world is going on in this country with abducted and murdered women?
The latest incident in this horrifying trend was 26-year-old pregnant mother, Jessie Davis, who was allegedly killed by the father of her unborn child in the view of their 2-year old little boy. The victim was literally days away from giving birth to a daughter. What evil penetrates a person to be capable of such gut-wrenching inhumanity?

The friend of Bobby Cutts, Jr., accused murderer of the pregnant-with-his-child mother, Myisha Ferrell, was sort-of indicted Sunday by a friend when interviewed. Myisha was arrested as an accomplice in the murder when her apartment was discovered housing quantities of bleach, cleaning products, and Fabreze spray-on smell-cover-upper.
The friend of Myisha, an elderly woman interviewed while seated on her porch recovering from knee replacement surgery, thought what the newspapers were saying about her friend were way off base, and that she would never hurt anybody. She noted that Myisha “…would do anything for anybody…” and “…could clean like nobody’s business.”

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

•And at the risk of being perceived as sexist and chauvinist (not ME!) what degree of idiocy overcomes the women of this world to take-up, and procreate with people like this capable of murderous cruelty?

Setting the act of murder completely aside for a moment (not that it can ever be) but this accused man, Bobby Cutts, Jr., has produced two other children with another woman in California and was married to a third woman while purportedly awaiting the birth of his child with Jessie Davis.

Is that stability? Is that the kind of man that exudes security, fidelity, and a stable father image? Not to point this poor woman as the poster child of bad decisions, but this kind of thing seems rampant in today’s world.

When did being selective with the person you are going to do the procreative act with become something you do after you have sexual intercourse with them?

It’s a sad statement on the state of American society in how we raise our daughters that there are women out there letting dirt bags like this into their lives.

Criminy, moms and dads, let’s put a stop to this.

•Can we put Paris Hilton back in jail?

•Only a few more weeks until football training camps kick into gear!

•Sticking my desert-running, sunburned nose back into politics for a moment, what can possibly happen in the Barack Obama campaign to tip the scales toward the Democrat nomination in his favor?
He’s more than 10 points behind Senator Saddlebags in every poll, he’s not distinguishing himself any more than Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton ever did as nothing more than a token black candidate, and he’s given no indication of getting his hands dirty in a fight. His campaign already has the stink of death on it.
On the Republican side, all eyes are focused on the impending announcement that Fred Thompson will enter the race and take-over the campaign. The big question is how many other Republican candidates will the wake created from his cannonball dive into the pool wash to the shore?

•I’m into watching Superman, the newer one, on cable and it is solidified, I’m sure, in the minds of most movie nuts that while the latest Bryan Singer version is way-cool in the special effects department, there was no better Superman than Christopher Reeve.

•My personal summer movie to see opens on August 3. The Bourne Ultimatum is the third in a series of espionage adventure-dramas that put James Bond and Ethan Hunt to shame.
Matt Damon’s idiotic politics aside, he is Jason Bourne.

(And The Landmark's Brian Kubicki IS Brian Kubicki. Email the man who just gave you a parallax look at



Health coverage for kids rests with parents

This isn't a governmental responsibility

Posted 6/21/07

We are in that kind of dead zone time of year. It’s a time when basketball season is done, hockey is done, football is a month away from training camps, baseball is limping along, politics is gearing down for a lame duck presidency, and the media skims around trying to find something to cover with way too much publicity. Read on and see if you can tell where I am trying to manufacture something contrived to talk about.

•A recent KC Star front page story read, “More than 9 million American children lack health coverage, impairing their ability to see a doctor.”

This is so very wrong on so many levels, it almost defies human logic, and it provides a shimmering example of the blatant liberal bias exhibited by our largest local newspaper.
Shouldn’t that headline read, “The parents of more than 9 million American children have chosen to not provide health insurance coverage for their kids…?”

The last time I looked, children cannot buy health care insurance coverage. If a person bears children, it is the responsibility of the parent to care for the children, and part of that care is providing them with some level of health care. This isn’t a government responsibility.

•Scooter Libby should be pardoned – now. Waiting for his appeals to play out is nothing more than running up legal bills that need not be extended further. If the Bush Administration is waiting to pardon the loyal aide to Vice President Dick Cheney to minimize criticism from their political enemies, they are wasting their patience. Their political enemies will never allow an opportunity to embarrass their main target to pass. President Bush’s public image is being beaten like a rubber piñata at a Mexico Polygamist’s Triplet Daughters’ Quinsinetta.

The Libby trial was about one thing and one thing only – trying to bring down members of the Bush Administration with some association with controversy if they couldn’t do it legitimately.

And the special prosecutor was concerned only with justifying the grand sums spent on an investigation that turned up no direct convictions. Those have been the center of the quest of the Democrat Party since their bitter election losses of 2004. Pardon Scooter.

•It has not been two weeks since Kelsey Smith’s abduction and death and the local news talk radio stations are already using their coverage of the sad events as advertisements for their news coverage.

That doesn’t seem right. Isn’t that capitalizing on the unfortunate circumstances of an innocent victim?

•Oh, and to sate the appetite for comeuppance of my esteemed editor, Ivan Foley, I did indeed watch and enjoy the much-anticipated Sopranos final episode.

Fading to black suddenly was the perfect ending for the seriocomic HBO mob series. The series creator, David Chase, had several forces working against him. Hollywood wants a Sopranos movie for the big screen. They need Tony Soprano alive. Fans of Tony Soprano and his lifestyle wanted him to skirt the grim reaper one more time.

They got that if they wanted to believe that was what happened next, and many of those also want a Sopranos movie.

Finally, those that wanted closure with the finality of a bullet to the back of the head got that with the lead-in flashback of Tony talking to Bobby on the lake with the reference that when “it” comes, all just fades to black with no sound and no light and you never see it coming. This was the perfect ending for everybody.

•Why do female teachers so desire to have carnal relations with their male students, and where were these attractive teachers when I was in school? I feel cheated.

•I am sick and tired of tributes to Princess Diana. The 10th anniversary of her death is coming and I don’t care any more than I didn’t care when she first died. She’s dead. She wasn’t anything special when she was alive. Let her rot in peace already.

•You know, this immigration bill that was kicked to the curb by motivated, vocal conservatives forced to act when the leaders they elected to lead failed to do so, is co-authored by Sen. Edward Kennedy. Shouldn’t that be a sign to everybody that this compromise bill is a bad idea for everybody?

Since when has this clown stood behind anything of real value? (You know I’m reaching for topics when I grab a Kennedy for cannon fodder.)

•By the time most of you read this, it will be less than two weeks before Fred Thompson, the next President of the United States, enters the 2008 race for the White House, and unofficially kicks Senator Saddlebags to the curb. These are exciting times.

•Is there a better slice of summer heaven than a Saturday afternoon on a breezy backyard deck, meat searing on the grill, beer in hand , comfortable chair, baseball game on the radio?

Add that I’m actually increasing my carbon footprint and we’re talking about the perfect day.

(Brian Kubicki should be pardoned for his views on the Sopranos finale. Throw him a bone via email to


Bush has always been a moderate Republican

Did you really expect him to enforce immigration laws?

Posted 6/14/07

•I’m scratching my noggin raw in puzzlement over why in the name of all that is sacred are people on the anti-amnesty side of the immigration debate so thoroughly frosted and utterly surprised that the President would dare get in their face on their opposition to the amnesty plan developed by the Democrats and moderate Republicans and endorsed by the White House. 

Why?  Why are you people surprised? 

This President has been a moderate Republican from the day he took office.  He hasn’t hidden who he is or what he is about.  Supporting amnesty-based immigration plans is precisely what Democrats and moderate Republicans want to do.

President Bush won two terms in office in large part due to the vote of the largest voting minority in this country. Did they expect his administration to start enforcing immigration laws that haven’t been enforced in more than 30 years to any consistent degree?

If conservative Republicans want to do something productive on the immigration issue, try staying in their party’s ranks when elections come calling, and don’t either stay home or vote for a moderate in a desperate hope to communicate your protest. 

YOU who stayed home in the mid-term elections of 2006 are the reason strong immigration candidates were swept out of Congress.

YOU are the reason we are fighting an uphill battle to get the laws currently on the books enforced. You’ve gotta hold the line, people.

•Will somebody please trade Paris Hilton around the prison yard for a pack of smokes already? She’s been incarcerated for two days now and the lack of coverage is disturbing.

•Denver is going off the deep end in a phantom war against global warming, and they are going as far as to require residents make personal sacrifices toward the “greater good.”

A new “climate action plan” has been submitted that will likely charge the ire of the conservatives in the Rocky Mountain state’s best known city. The proposal has whacky measures like fining heavy users of electricity and natural gas and causing auto insurance premium hikes based on the number of miles traveled. (That one would not make me or my wife very happy.) The goal is to reduce carbon dioxide emissions by 4.4 million metric tons by 2020, the equivalent of eliminating two small coal-fired power plants or taking 500,000 cars off the road. (Some progress there!)

In an attempt to cut back on use of landfills (we should keep the trash in our homes?) - methane gas (fart gas – you know, pppbbbhbhbhbhhhffffftttttt) from landfills is (in the Gorian view) a major contributor to global warming (It isn’t really. 97% of all global warming gases are simple water vapor, and to be fair, some of that comes from farts. You know the ones…) - the Denver plan would encourage recycling and charge residents for the amount of trash they throw away.

The Denver climate action plan is, so far, just a proposal, but the city hopes to begin implementation by the time December 2007 passes. Much of it will likely be controversial, and fuel the anti-government intervention forces growing in might and stature as the election cycle comes around again. The plan will be presented to community groups in the next several months, and the city council will hold hearings this summer. Denver’s goal is to have the Climate Action Plan in place by the end of the year.

•I sincerely hope that the investigation in the prosecution of the abduction and murder of 18-year old Kelsey Smith turns-up some plausible DNA evidence, because what we can see so far is an awful lot of circumstantial evidence. We have video of what appears to be the alleged perpetrator leaving the store. We have evidence of perhaps one person advancing on another person. We have similar descriptions of very common dark pick-up trucks. If that’s all there is, this may be a tough conviction.

Incidentally, I was driving last weekend around south Overland Park last weekend, and I spied a half-dozen trucks driven by perps that would match the general appearance of the foggy figure in the Target video.

•Remember “Baby Jessica?” It was 20 years ago that the country first became mesmerized by the plight of an 18-month old baby that fell into an 8-inch wide pipe leading down to an abandoned well in Midland, Texas.

We were all glued to our CNN constant live coverage of the 59 hours she was trapped in that well as work crews frantically tunneled under her and finally freed her tiny body from the pipe. NBC’s Today show interviewed the now 21-year-old married mother of one and she, as you might expect, is a little guffawed that everyone made such a big deal over an event she has no memory of.

I mark that event as the real beginning of the 24-hour non-stop news coverage. What would follow is nearly a generation of unbelievable events recorded and reported-on in non-stop fashion: Desert Storm, Desert Shield, Rodney King, the O.J. Trial and Verdict, the LA Riots, World Trade Center I, 9/11, and Desert Freedom.

•If you are not watching the NBA Finals, and many of you aren’t, you are missing an epochal resurgence of old school basketball over the Jordan-esque highlight-film-ESPN-driven exhibition that the NBA has become.

Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobli, and their able band of role players are taking the newly-crowned but undeserved King LeBron James and his band of Cleveland LeBrons to the virtual cleaners thus far in the first two games of the series. The Spurs are doing it with basic basketball executed flawlessly. Pick-and-rolls…double-team-dump-offs. . . pressure defense. . . hustle. . . and effort are the modus operandi.

Cleveland tries to clear out a side and let King LeBron go one-on-one. That didn’t work for Robbie Benson, it won’t work now.

Catch it if you can.

(Brian Kubicki sounds off about farts more than any other columnist in the U.S. Ask him about it with an email to




Jump in carbon emissions is progress

Missouri ranks as fifth most progressive state

Posted 6/8/07

The headline in the Saturday and/or Sunday Red Star (they change the lead headlines in the online editions almost by the minute) was something to the effect of, “Missouri Rises to Fifth in Nation in Carbon Emissions.” I shed a tear of pride for the state of my birth! Nice going, folks. We are 5th in the nation in progress. Now let’s shoot for No. 1.

To be accurate, that wasn’t the true gist of the article. Apparently, since 1990, the government has been talking about reducing carbon dioxide, the so-called chief global warming gas. But, in an apparent backlash against the Gorians, Missouri has gone in precisely the opposite direction, toward progress and away from Gorian Regress.
The facts of it are, Missouri spewed more carbon dioxide per person in 2003 — to the tune of 53,000 pounds per resident — than they did in 1990. The energy consumption numbers have gone higher than 44 states and the District of Columbia, according to an AP (Associated Press) analysis of a 2003 Department of Energy analysis of carbon dioxide emissions by state.

They claim that the likely culprit is coal, which, when burned, produces more carbon dioxide per unit of energy than any other commonly used fuel source. Missouri is among the states that are most dependent on coal for its power source.

Now, the realists among us prefer to see this as an issue of Missourians recognizing their Mother Earth birthright of generating copious amounts of energy via the natural heat transfer capabilities of flowing water. And we do enjoy our barbecue in the warmer months.
They can have my BBQ charcoal when they pry my barbecue fork from my cold, dead fingers.

•Is anybody else on the edge of their seat this week in anticipation of the series finale Sunday of The Sopranos? Bobby is dead, Christopher is gone. Silvio is likely gonzo. The heads of the NY and NJ crime families have gone to the mattresses. How this fine, fine HBO drama plays out is a mystery. I understand that they filmed as many as three different endings and nobody but the treasured few actually know how the series will end.
The consensus seems to think that Tony Soprano goes down to sleep with the fishes, but there are a few diehards that see Tony landing on top of it all in the end. James Gandolfini is too young and plays Tony Soprano too well to let the character simply die.

•Can somebody tell me why the Trent Green issue was such a hot topic around the city a week ago, but now even though nothing has changed, Green is still in the mix and practicing as a Chief, and nobody gives a hoot?

•Isn’t it nice having Rosie O’Donnell out of the daily news cycle? Oops!

•I can’t quite remember where I first read this, but somebody in the Algore camp made a claim recently that, “Global warming is the heating of the Earth caused in large part by man-made emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. Most scientists agree such warming and the changing climate that comes with it will likely cause a number of problems and crises this century. ... [including] flooding and severe coastal erosion from rising seas and increasingly severe storms, more common and prolonged drought, and changes in the growing seasons and migration patterns of many wild species.”

So in a sense, they are claiming that man has a pretty significant impact on the earth as a whole. Not just on our ability to live and thrive on it, but on the earth’s ability to actually survive!


•Consider these facts. Everybody thinks that the world’s most devastating weapon is the nuclear bomb. The biggest threat to world peace is a tyrannical government developing a nuclear weapons program. The BBC estimates the world’s nuclear arsenal at approximately 40,000-50,000 warheads. Detonate them all at once, and you don’t even generate the explosive energy of two volcanic eruptions.

Hiroshima and Nagasaki were 15 and 21 kilotons respectively...that’s 0.015 megatons and 0.021 megatons...a relative sparrow fart in a hurricane compared to the smallest volcanic eruption.

The Mt. St. Helens eruption was by itself the equivalent of 27,000 Hiroshima blasts. Historically, volcanic eruptions have ranged from 200 megatons to hundreds of thousands of megatons of explosive power.

The Mt. St. Helens eruption didn’t even wipe-out any living species of plant or animal. Neither did Hiroshima or Nagasaki.

•Incidentally, there are 1800 active volcanoes currently across the planet. I’ll let you do that math.

•For what it’s worth, a single human farts about 0.5 Liters of fart gas each day, which is equal to 145,000,000 liters per day from the entire U.S. population. Over a year, that is 53 billion liters.

Volcanoes expel about 255,000,000 short tons of carbon dioxide each year into the atmosphere. A unit of MASS is used to express a natural expression of great quantity because it is considered unmanageable to use a number that large, so they use the weight of the associated carbon. That is 510,000,000,000 lbs of carbon suspended in a carbon dioxide molecule. I don’t know how many liters that is, but it’s a lot!

The sum of all this is, we really don’t have an effect compared to natural sources that have occurred long, long before we ever broke wind on this land.

(Test Brian Kubicki's math skills and argue with him on global warming via an email to



Star's liberal hit man attempts to stir the pot

Kraske tries every angle to try drum up support for Barnes

Posted 6/1/07

Summer is here! The temps have yet to see 90, but all climatological soothsayers are predicting a hot summer. I say bring it on.

•Did you know that the temperature at the core of the earth is somewhere above 12,000 degrees Fahrenheit? Should we REALLY care about an atmospheric increase in temperature of 0.6 degrees when we’re wrapped around an orb that hot? I’ll bet Algore doesn’t even know that. I’ll also bet nobody will ever ask him in any of the speaking engagements he does.

•Something interesting has happened with Chiefs/Dolphins QB Trent Green. In public, he’s always been portrayed as above the fray of controversy. He always seemed to pride himself on being the upstanding leader of the team that kept his personal or financial dealings out of the media.

Now, it appears that Green is just like every other athlete. When things aren’t exactly going his way, he goes to the media to cry his own personal brand of crocodile tears. I’ve heard all accounts of Green’s problem, and as a Chiefs fan, I really don’t care. That is an issue between the Chiefs owner and GM and Green and his agent. If you want to play, fine, sign an agreement.

Green likes to whine in his latest gripe-fests that he needs to be in Miami, an AFC opponent, to prepare for the coming season. Nobody’s stopping him from foregoing his upcoming reported $7 million June 1 roster bonus and asking the Chiefs to release him, which I’m more than sure the Chiefs would gladly do.

•The commie-rag KC Star is trying already to smooth the road for Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Pelosi-Roddam-Reid-Hoyer-Clinton Barnes by using their uber-liberal hit man Steve Kraske (Has he EVER said anything remotely complimentary about a Republican?) to start-up a faux-controversy in the Republican camp between incumbent Rep. Sam Graves and U.S. Senator Kit Bond. In his column posted on-line Sunday, Kraske tried every conceivable angle in attempting to drum-up something in Barnes’ favor through an assault on the opponent’s camp. He tried: the Graves-has-an-evil-campaign-manager angle, the Bond-and-Graves-really-hate-each-other angle, the he-is-taking-credit-for-my-pork ploy, and he even went so far as to intimate that Bond might endorse a Democrat, yes, we’re talking about the nearly 70-year-old Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Pelosi-Roddam-Reid-Hoyer-Clinton Barnes. I don’t think that will fit on the ballot.

•Oh, and the Red Star (love that Chris Kobach!) keeps calling me about every three days purportedly trying to woo me with some kind of ridiculous offer to re-subscribe. Funny that they never leave a message.

•Rest-In-Peace Charles Nelson Reilly, he who made big glasses and neck-scarves somewhat fashionable in the 1970’s, died this past weekend at the age of 78. The Hollywood Squares of Heaven is now complete with Reilly, Paul Lynde, George Gobel, Vincent Price (my personal favorite), Rose Marie, Charlie Weaver, Tom Poston, Wally Cox, and Tony Randall. I know, I know…those aren’t your favorite dead squares, but they’re mine.

•Rosie O’Donnell got her hat handed to her on The View last week by co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck in an on-air catfight that really capsulized everything that show was trying to be. The view is nothing more than a gross mischaracterization of how thinking women address important issues. There is nothing on that show that even closely resembles intelligent discourse, and that’s a shame because women deserve a better forum with more intelligent representation.

Having the likes of: Rosie O’Donnell, Joy Behar, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Barbara Walters, et al representing the best-of-the-best in female issues-driven discussion is like having the Teletubbies deliver the eulogy at Jerry Falwell’s funeral.

•Dr. Thomas Sowell is the most intelligent person on the planet in terms of political thought and economics. Dr. Walter Williams is a close second.

•The dog days of summer are going to be brutal this year.

•A 6 lb. pork shoulder done all Memorial Day in the new smoker was a slice of magic. A garlic-onion-citrus overnight marinade made the meat sing. That chunk of porcine cooked for 7 hours over a constant 200-250 degree coal-fired heat.


•Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is travelling to Greenland this week to “…see global warming in person…”

Has there ever been a high-ranking government official that has worked so hard at undermining an administration as this woman? Tip O’Neill wasn’t this bad.
Whatever happened to statesmanship? Is she helping the Democrat Party’s image as a party for the mainstream of the voting populace?

(Brian Kubicki looks forward to the long hot days of summer while writing from his south Platte County abode. Cool him down with an email to



No need to compromise on immigration

When you compromise, nothing meaningful is accomplished

Posted 5/24/07

This immigration bill being pushed through Congress has all the earmarks of an incredibly dangerous compromise that is bad for all the involved parties. Compromises are often like that. They don’t follow the thought pattern of any consistent intelligence. Therefore, nobody gets the issue at hand, immigration, addressed to the degree it needs to be addressed.

There are two ways to go on the immigration issue. Either open the borders and repeal all the laws currently on the books to control immigration, which will naturally result in anarchy in America and an eventual fall of Democracy like the Roman Empire once fell to the Visigoths; or close the borders and enforce the laws that our elected lawmakers have passed to keep immigration into America occurring in a lawful and organized manner.
When you try to compromise, nothing meaningful is ever accomplished.

•What in the name of Ozzie and Harriet Nelson was going through the minds of four-year-old Madeleine McCann’s parents, Beth and Gerry McCann when, while on vacation from their native United Kingdom, they left her and her two-year-old twin siblings alone in a Portuguese hotel room while the two of them dined with friends in a restaurant located in another building? This is unbelievable!

Little Madeleine was abducted more than two weeks ago and authorities have nary a trace as to her whereabouts or well-being.

The parents are both doctors, which illustrates that they at least possess brain cells that function. Common sense, though, seems to be at a minimum in that household. You don’t leave 2 and 4 year olds alone. You can be in another room of the house, but you don’t leave the building.

Cripes! Is this that hard to figure out?

•And why are all the media reports seemingly trying to justify the whole thing by characterizing the restaurant that the parents were dining at in another building as, “…only 100 yards away…”?

100 yards is 300 feet. 100 yards is a football field. If they were not obscured by buildings and walls, they couldn’t even see their little kids with the naked eye from that distance unobstructed. Tell it the way it happened. The parents made a serious, likely criminal, lapse in judgment in leaving those little children alone.

Regardless of how incredibly stupid her parents are, say a prayer for little Madeleine that she will be found safe soon.

•Why is “green” the universal color for purported environmental responsibility? We hear the Goreans constantly chattering on about “green buildings” and “going green” or “green workplaces.”

You know, green is the color of mold. Nasty mucous sinus infections emit green ooze. Fluorescent green is the universal symbol in Hollywood for radioactive liquids. Soylent Green was a cracker made from old people.

I guess it should stand to reason that a ridiculous notion such as man having any kind of impact on global warming would be comfortable wrapped in a blanket the color of virus snot.

•I know you are probably tired of hearing me rattle on about global warming, but as long as nincompoops like Leo Dicaprio are going to raise the subject, I’m going to squash them with facts and logic.

•The Ant Conspiracy – did you know that a single ant weighs about 2.5 milligrams? An average human weighs about 120 lbs. Those numbers can be compared as follows: One human weighs the same as 450,000 ants. There are 6.7 billion humans. There are 1 quadrillion ants on the planet. That is 1 followed by 24 “0’s”. That’s a big number. Divide that number of ants by the number of ants that make up a human and you have the equivalent impact in ants of 328 million times the current human population.
So we really aren’t all that and pass the Raid.

•I always knew that AIDS was way over-funded – in private and government contributions, in proportion to the numbers infected by the disease. But the following stat floored me. Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) kills about as many people annually as influenza, but it receives more research dollars than heart disease, which kills roughly 30 times as many Americans annually. Unbelievable.

•Smoking season is upon us and I recently acquired a new charcoal fired water smoker on-line from Great Outdoors’ Smoky Mountain Series, and this puppy rocks the house. It has a capacity of three racks above a large and sturdy firebox that holds its heat for more than six hours without tending.

I smoked two large pork rib slabs and a nine lb. brisket to absolute perfection! This is gonna be fun. Pork shoulder is coming up.

(Brian Kubicki smokes shoulders and pens his Parallax Look at his southern Platte County home. Reach him at



Barnes apparently hasn't accomplished much

Why else would she grab another new name?

Posted 5/18/07

•Former Kansas City Mayor Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Cleaver-Brooks-Truman-Eisenhower-Roddam-Clinton-Pelosi-Reid-Hoyer Barnes announced Monday that she is running for Congress against incumbent U.S. Congressmen for the 6th District, Sam Graves. Funny, in the numerous (I believe it is eight consecutive now) election campaigns Mr. Graves has run, successfully, he has always been Sam Graves.

Kay Waldo-Cronkite-Cleaver-Brooks-Truman-Eisenhower-Roddam-Clinton-Pelosi-Reid-Hoyer Barnes was Kay WALDO Barnes when she ran for mayor of Kansas City. Apparently, there is a Waldo in her lineage, and I suppose there are some highly impressionable people that will vote for a mayor because their name is the same as the name of a street in their town. The Cronkite comes from the highly-liberal anti-American biased newsman Walter Cronkite, who hails from St. Joseph, MO, which just so happens to be in Missouri’s Sixth District (funny how these things just work out, isn’t it?), and who also happens to share common lineage with the former mayor.

Barnes, who is nearly 70 years of age, apparently hasn’t accomplished much on her own, because she must, at her lofty age, hop onto the backs of others to try and attract attention.
I’m going out on a limb here and endorsing Sam Graves for the Sixth District. I just hope my house doesn’t sell before the next election.

•The Royals stink. (I cut-and-pasted that item from a column written several years ago. Sad, isn’t it that it’s still relevant?) They’ve won a couple in a row as of press time, but with only 13 wins a week or so short of Memorial Day, they’re not in very good shape.

•The Star continues to call me to try and offer me some form of subscription to their newspaper. If you’ll recall, I cancelled their paper after 20+ years of service in December because of their unrepentant liberal bias in what should be unbiased coverage of stories on the non-editorial pages. I’ve never actually spoken with them…we screen all calls through an answering machine. (I know, I know – I could get on one of those government-run no-call lists, but I’m holding firm in the belief that having such lists is way outside the scope of government. You can’t complain about how much government spends at the same time that you partake in such a misuse of government resources. Make the vendors spend their money recording their spiels that I will never answer.) However, they are consistent in wanting to offer me something. It isn’t going to happen. I don’t miss them a bit.

•I tried to follow the NASCAR race this past weekend at Darlington, as a fan would. I really tried. I just couldn’t muster the competitive energy. Someone around me, who happens to have the same indifference toward the sport, observed that the sport might have a batter chance of making us interested if they reduced the field by as much as half.


But I think I would much rather see the human drivers replaced by remote controlled cars with highly trained operators at the controls located in a central location. And the cars would have features like the Mach V on Speed Racer like the ability to vault themselves over their opponents, squirt oil on the road (my van does that now, though in an uncontrolled fashion), and lay tacks on the road to burst the opponents’ tires.

That would be cool.

•Do gay women ever get breast implants?

•I find it highly interesting that a country that has so many haters, as the United States supposedly has (according to the Democrat Party that has chanted that mantra almost non-stop during the Bush Administration), a vivid shift to the political right has occurred in countries around it, like Canada, Mexico, Germany, and now France.

•The new French leader, Nicolas Sarkozy, is a staunch conservative (Though to be fair, in France, conservatives are about as conservative as Hillary Clinton is pretty) that won a landslide election over his liberal opponent, with a campaign that emphasized improving France’s struggling economy and weak stance with regard to immigration. Sarkozy was quite distinct recently when addressing Muslim immigration by urging, in a highly terse wording, that they must work to integrate themselves into French society and that selective segregation into new Muslim communities within France society will not be tolerated.
Now if he will just take the next step and do something to actually enforce those threats, we might actually have something usable.

•The Chiefs have rolled into their first rookie mini-camp of the 2007 season and head coach Herm Edwards was his usually eloquent self in characterizing a minor injury to No. 1 draft pick WR Dwayne Bowe as “…a boo-boo…” A highly scientific diagnosis it seems. We’re lucky to have such a versatile head coach.

•This Anna Nicole Smith story has got to die sometime, doesn’t it? I’ve had toe lint that intrigued me more.

•Incidentally on that subject, have you ever noticed that toe lint, the stuff that lodges in the corner of your big toe where the toenail meets the top part of your toe, is always dark in color no matter what the color of your socks? Why is that?

•If Barry Bonds gets acclaim and adulation for his inevitable exceeding the number of home runs hit by Hank Aaron, should disgraced sprinter Ben Johnson get his world sprinting records back? I realize that track and field has been clear and consistent in their anti-doping policies, much more so than Major League Baseball has been, but does that extend to the integrity of the respective sports? Baseball clearly has a larger following, at least in this country. But pretending that Barry Bonds would have hit that many home runs had he not taken steroids is a stretch for any sentient being with the intelligence to manage tying his shoes.

I just can’t do it.

•I am saying a final goodbye to the public school system this week with the graduation of child number 2. If you’ve been a regular reader of this column space, you’ll recall that I’ve had my philosophical tussles with the government-run education system and had grounds for full-on lawsuits due to one or all of the following: teacher-on-student physical abuse, mis-diagnosis of learning disabilities, inability to properly administrate an IEP, and for payment to reimburse us for tutoring for things that they should have been teaching in the first place.

I held my tongue and steadfastly pushed the school district to let my kid be – stop trying to help and let him struggle and learn on his own. Well it turns out that, after an intense original struggle gaining control of my child’s educational plan, that is exactly what he did. He is graduating in good standing and is heading off to college in the fall. There’s a long story or book in this experience somewhere, maybe I’ll write it. But it’s enough to enjoy a cerebral cleansing shower now that the nasty experience of public education is over.

(Brian Kubicki pens his weekly ponderings from his home in southern Platte County. Converse with him via email to



Will Bill Clinton become the First Lady?

Memo to MSNBC: Clinton laughed at in GOP circles

Posted 5/10/07

I have absolutely no desire to hack up a column this evening, so this one ought to be interesting.

•The first Republican debate was fascinating to say the least. It was at least more intriguing than the Democratic debate one week prior, which lasted in the public digestive system for about as long as a sliced jalapeno. The interplay between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama was the only story to remember and all anybody recalls was how they would respond to a terrorist attack.

•A paper by some British organization calling itself the Optimum Population Trust says that if couples had two children instead of three they would cut their family’s carbon dioxide output (A.K.A. their CARBON FOOTPRINT) by the equivalent of 620 return commuter jet flights a year between London and New York. So now, we humans are an infestation on the planet? Tell you what, let’s ask all global warming alarmists to jump into the nearest volcano (there are 1800 active ones across the planet), and we’ll all applaud their contributions to improving the environment.

•Mitt Romney’s, “You gotta be kidding me!” response to moderator Chris Matthews’ question about Bill Clinton being back in the White House was the line of the night and almost single-handedly catapulted Romney to the winner’s aisle of the debate. The uniform laughter across the Republican panel of 10 candidates at the mention of Bill Clinton re-entering the White House as….the First …Lady??? (I’ve gotta think about that one. Read on. We’ll come back to this) struck the array of MSNBC’s thoroughly unbalanced post-debate analysts as quite odd.

•Chris Matthews noted with great wonderment that the Republicans laughed at the prospect of Bill Clinton back in the White House. He seemed to have no explanation for their amusement. He noted that were he to pose that question to a Democrat crowd or an audience of “blacks” (his words, not mine – you know me – no color lines), he would get serious responses.
Memo to Matthews and MSNBC – Bill Clinton is still a buffoon in Republican circles.

•There are a number of Chiefs fans in town that are flummoxed over the notion that the Chiefs haven’t yet worked out a deal for QB Trent Green to go to the Miami Dolphins as their new starter. The Chiefs may not like what Miami is offering as compensation. Carl Peterson may be hesitant about trading Green to another AFC team. Perhaps Miami is hedging their bets that their incumbent QB Daunte Culpepper will for once be consistently healthy. Nobody knows what’s really up…well, except for Carl, Trent, and maybe the Dolphins. The only thing we can seemingly be sure of is the issue will be resolved by the time the season rolls around. Beyond that, what do we care?

•So the wife of the President, I should note, a male President, is called The First Lady. If a woman becomes President, she is called, Madame President directly, or The President in an introduction or an indirect reference. We don’t change the term, President, for a woman. We don’t call her the President-ette. So perhaps we shouldn’t change the title for a man filling the First Lady’s shoes. Will, if hell freezes over and Hillary wins the 2008 election, Bill Clinton become The First Lady? I don’t know. I do think it is a given that this particular “First Lady” is aroused at just the prospect of serving as hostess for the White House.

•Why does my elbow hurt?

•In summary, the Republican debate showed well for all 10 candidates – to varying degrees obviously. Mitt Romney, Rudi Giuliani, John McCain, Sam Brownback, Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter, Tommy Thompson, Mike Huckaby, Jim Gilmore, and even Ron Paul generally improved their standing by effectively saying hello to the American people.

•I’m trying to get interested in the NBA Playoffs, but this Barry Bonds run to the home run mark is keeping me from it! Bwaahaahaaha…that’s a good one! I’d rather battle trichinosis with a motorized auger (you provide the visual – I’ve gone as far as I’m gonna) than care one iota about Barry Bonds or what he thinks he is accomplishing. I hope Barry Bonds gets explosive diarrhea the day before he ties the record.

•I just caught an astounding point made by Mitt Romney who was a guest on Fox News’ Hannity & Colmes. Under questioning by the Liberal Alan Colmes, Romney was (again) asked about his shift from pro-choice to anti-abortion over the last couple of years. That has been one of the only loud and consistent criticisms the Left has mustered against the articulate and mentally quick Romney. His answer included the preface, “…it’s interesting that if my ‘shift’ had been from that of a pro-life person to a pro-abortion candidate, nobody would be saying a word…”
This guy is good.

•The creepiest moment of the entire debate was when John McCain was going off on the idea of following Osama bin Laden “…to the gates of Hell…” and not a full second after delivering that line blossomed into a smile that would make Hannibal Lecter shed a tear of pride.

•The tornado that struck 1300-person-strong Greensburg, Kansas is garnering the attention of the nation, almost to the degree that Hurricane Katrina’s devastation of New Orleans had, and one has to wonder why? This was an F-5 tornado. That kind of destructive power is capable of leveling much of Kansas City if it chooses to visit. I could nearly wipe-out a town of 1300 with a VW beetle. Is that really so news-obsession worthy? The real story is that there were as few deaths as there ultimately were.

•Why do we care if Paris Hilton goes to jail for 45 days?

•Further to Mitt Romney and his candidacy, he’s been married only once. That marriage, his current one, is 38 years strong. They have grown children and grandchildren. Can you imagine the moles that the folks have sent digging for dirt on this guy and/or his family? If these moles encounter any resistance from defenders on Romney’s side of the line, I can imagine that battle is gonna make the sewers rattle.
Fred who?

(Brian Kubicki watches presidential debates from his home in southern Platte County. Reach him at



The NFL draft is way overblown

Half these guys won't be around in three years

Posted 5/2/07

•You know, say what you will about the administration of President George W. Bush – he turns popularity ratings polls into roller coaster rides, but he kicks royal butt in his selection of White House Press Secretaries.

I just watched former press secretary Ari Fleisher rip the living lungs out of Lib Alan Colmes on Fox News’ Hannity and Colmes. And Tony Snow is back in the saddle after learning that cancer has re-struck its attack on his body systems.

These guys are unstoppable! More power to them.

•The Bay Area overpass that collapsed last weekend was caused by fire created when a tanker truck caught fire after a crash. It seems that the intense heat from the flames melted the structural steel that supported the overpass. Fire melting steel? Somebody want to run this past Rosie O’Donnell?

•I love the Chiefs and football of every kind, but I just don’t get the fascination with the NFL Draft. People were voicing their angst in legitimate and sincere anger over the radio waves and in the newspaper about the Chiefs draft selections being so mundane, unexciting, and lacking in star power.

Take a breath, folks. Nearly half the draft picks on every team won’t be in football within three years, either through inability, injury, or lack of desire. The NFL Draft is a crapshoot no matter how you look at it.

•A Glendale man will be sentenced Tuesday after pleading guilty to coating his 3-week-old puppy in cooking oil and feeding it live to an 8-foot long pet boa. The man faces up to a year in prison and a $150,000 fine.

Can somebody tell me why it’s perfectly O.K. to feed a rat to a pet snake but feeding a small dog to the snake is wrong? Why is it O.K. to raise a chicken in a pen its whole life and decapitate it al Qaida style for dinner but a puppy mill is a capital offense?

We are way too wacky about our pets in this country.

•Chiefs head coach was interviewed on 810 WHB’s Soren Petro’s midday show Monday and uttered something to the effect of, “…the way you score touchdowns is you keep getting first downs. Eventually one of those gets you the score…” You know, going from Dick Vermeil and Al Saunders to this is like asking Rosie O’Donnell to star in the TV biopic of Anna Nicole Smith.

•I’ve got a funny feeling that this Phil Spector murder trial is not going to go the way the O.J. trial went. Funny how the sound of the gas chamber makes one become visibly committed to the concept of insanity.

•Astronomers claimed last week that they’ve discovered what they believe to be another Earth. The planet has the same climate as Earth, plus water and gravity. The newly discovered planet, only 20 light years away, is the most stunning evidence that life - just like us - might be out there.
Their sun is 10 times the size of our sun as seen from Earth, but it is one-third the size of our sun – so yes, this planet is much closer to its sun than we are to ours. There appear to be seas, beaches, and a life friendly atmosphere. The “new Earth” is about one-third larger than our Earth.

What does all this mean? Probably nothing for our lifetimes, but I never want to pass up an “I told you so” moment. Life is too short.

•I wonder if anybody ever considers that the daytime gumflapping jawbone exercise show, The View, actually lowers the general perception of women in the realm of intelligent discussion on issues of the day. None of the participants are serious analysts and the regulars seem to have the collective I.Q. of my waistline. And, no, I’m not advocating an Ann Coulter or Laura Ingraham – though either or both would be a great addition to the conservative side.

The “conservative” they have on now, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, makes William F. Buckley appear God-like. But maybe I'm advocating an intelligent liberal, like Greta van Susteren or Kirsten Powers. This rumor of Roseanne Barr replacing Rosie O’Donnell is like treating foot odor with a layer of Limburgher cheese in your shoes. If I were a woman, I’d be asking more of those that represent womanhood on network TV.

•Now this….companies rushing to “go green” by buying (actually spending millions) “carbon credits” are actually buying into projects that yield few if any environmental benefits. A Financial Times investigation revealed numerous failings in the new markets for greenhouse gases, suggesting that some companies are paying for emissions reductions that never actually occur. At the same time, others are making big profits on carbon trading for very small costs and in some cases for clean-ups that would have been made anyway.

•What are the odds that a Clinton name surfaces in this DC Madame probe?

•This fueled interest has started a bit of a “rush for green,” which has seen an explosion of the number of businesses offering both companies and individuals the chance to at least lean toward carbon neutral, advertising that they would offset their own energy use by buying carbon credits that cancel out their contribution to global warming. The carbon credit market is going to double in size to $70 billion by 2010, unless cooler heads prevail.

•Fred Thompson…..HELP!!!

•Looking at it realistically, the Chiefs draft did what Herm Edwards wanted it to do…improve the defense and degrade the offense. That seems to be what he’s been after since he got here. This season is gonna be fun!

(Brian Kubicki pens his column 20 light years away from the nearly-discovered planet Earth. But you can still reach him by email at

Earth Day perfect for flicking booger

Do you want to live where people wipe with only one square?

Posted 4/26/07

•Earth Day 2007 came and went with all the fanfare deserving a fake cause with no reason or accountability behind it. I did my part, though. I fired up charcoals to cook dinner, I drank from a Styrofoam cup, I threw used cooking oil into the backyard and I even flicked a booger out of the sunroof of the family car. Happy Earth Day!

•Since nobody in all this global warming misinformation ever talks about the facts in plain and simple terms, you come here for it. These are all easily verifiable facts. The original goal of the political Left has been to get the U.S. to ratify the Kyoto Protocol. That would have required our government (but not the growing economies of India, Mexico, or China) to reduce the amount of electricity made from burning coal by 50%. 55% of the U.S.’s electricity is supplied by coal. This goal would have required reducing our electricity use by 25%, which would have resulted in a corresponding 25% drop in GDP. As a point of reference, U.S. GDP dropped 10% in the Great Depression. That kind of severe restriction is a recipe for economic disaster in anyone’s book. Try to reduce your energy usage by 25% tomorrow. I think the only way anybody can honestly get that accomplished is to simply stop living – as in assume room temperature, go-tits-up, begin the decaying process.

•The 2007 NFL Draft is Saturday and I’ve nearly lost all hope that the Chiefs will ever be good again. There’s ample evidence for such a dire prognostication. The once great offense has been reduced — through player defections, coaching moves, and an overall change in offense vs. defensive philosophy — to an NFL embarrassment exhibited by a dismal playoff performance highlighted by a zero first down first half. The team rarely drafts to impress. They seem to be ready and willing to relegate the position of quarterback to that of a glorified file clerk. And they have a cancer waiting to implode the team in Larry Johnson.
There have been rumblings as the draft approaches that the team might be willing to entertain the concept of trading Johnson if moving up in the draft were a possibility. Were such a deal to present itself, I would jump at it. Johnson is at his peak on the NFL market. He is healthy, productive, and likely wouldn’t oppose going to a bagger media market. The odds are on the Chiefs side on this one.

C’mon, Carl – pull the trigger.

•Sheryl Crow has somehow carved out time among her time consuming life projects of conducting a recording career and touring the country with fellow tree hugger Laurie David to do a little environmental research. It seems Ms. Crow has figured out that we humans can limit ourselves to a single square of toilet tissue per sitting – so as to conserve trees and all.
Do I even need to go into this any further? Is there any better exhibit of the loopy lunacy that drives the logic engine behind the false profit that is the myth of human caused global warming? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t want to live and work in a world where the people wipe with only a single square of toilet tissue. I just don’t. I won’t.

•Spring football has come and gone from the regional Big 12 campuses. People always make more of these glorified practices than they should, and they also ignore obvious signs of something that has to be/should be heeded.

Among our local Big 3 of the 12, Kansas might be in the best position to impress. Yeah, I know Missouri is everyone’s favorite to take the North. But Kansas is returning some decent offensive talent and their decent defense is a year older. The glare of great expectations is less in Lawrence than anywhere.

Missouri is currently setting its bar so very high, all they can do is fail to reach those heights.
And don’t expect much from Kansas State. Their football program is trying to recover from a trying off-season. Add to that the uncertainty with their “phenom” quarterback Josh Freeman who simply had a horrible spring game. (Could former Head Coach Bill Snyder have been correct in seeing Freeman as a tight end instead of a quarterback?)

•Laurie David and Sheryl Crow accosted Presidential Advisor Karl Rove at the White House Correspondent’s dinner last weekend apparently in an attempt to “get the Administration to take another look…” at their global warming policy. If that threesome isn’t a closer personification of the mud wrestling scene from the classic movie, Stripes, with Rove in the Dewey Oxburger role made famous by John Candy, I don’t know my movies.

•Alec Baldwin has gone into hiding after being recorded on a voice messaging system berating his 11 or 12 year old daughter (Baldwin isn’t sure and who am I to second guess him?) in embarrassingly demeaning ways. I love it when outspoken Hollywood Liberals stick their foot into it, and Baldwin is one of the best at it. He’s promised to leave the U.S. numerous times if elections didn’t go the way he wanted them to. He once threatened to “…stone (House Representative) Henry Hyde to death…”

Life has its little perks.

•Well, it appears that global warming does indeed have a good side. The map of Greenland will have to be redrawn as a new land mass has appeared off the coast of the ice planet. Exposed by the melting of Greenland’s enormous ice sheet, a development has recently appeared that is being seen by tree huggers as “…the most alarming sign of global warming.”

The mass of land is several miles long. The island was once thought to be the tip of a peninsula halfway up Greenland’s remote east coast but a glacier joined it to the mainland. Well in this most recent of solar-induced warming cycles, the glacier has melted away completely leaving the “new” island surrounded by sea.

I love the arrogance of humans that believe our continents and land vs. water profiles are supposed to stay the way they are now through to perpetuity. Don’t forget, folks, where we are in all this. We are standing on a planet rotating about its axis at the speed of 465 meters per second. In addition to that, the earth rotates around the sun at the speed of 29,800 meters per second. The magnetic field that is created by all this rotation of our planet’s molten Iron-Nickel core is all that keeps us from getting wiped from existence by either an asteroid or the enormous natural fluctuations of the sun.
So stop already with all your posturing.

(Brian Kubicki fights global warming nut balls from his home in southern Platte County. Reach him at